All entries for Monday 12 June 2006

June 12, 2006

Baby Report: Four amazing things

Watch a baby for a while and you will see some remarkable behaviour. Even though he can barely stand up, or even communicate his wishes, in the last few days alone I have seen 9 month old baby Lawrence do things that are very interesting. Some of these have been so impressive that I am myself quite jealous of his abilities (see "A powerful attractor" for an account of his ability to get ladies to do whatever he wants). This is a short list of examples.

He's got rhythm

For a few months Lawrence has been able to hit a drum with a beater, shake a tamborine in time, and in the last month clap his hands. This morning I saw him reach into his toy box, and tap the various bars of a xylophone. This wasn't accidental, and he obviously got great joy from hitting the different notes. After a minute, I took the xylophone out of its packet and set it down in front of him with it's beater. He played it for several minutes.

Setting a challenge

Lawrence cannot yet crawl. He seems to be putting all of his effort into learning to walk. This is not at all surprising as at nursery he is surrounded all day by children who can walk. We can even see him watching and copying the feet of walkers. Sadly, when he does need to crawl, all that he can do is twist and lurch forwards in an uncoordinated manner. However, he does try. And even more surprising, is the way in which he seems to set himself targets in order to make the effort more focussed. This morning I watched as he repeatedly threw small blocks away, in some cases just far enough to stretch to, in others far enough to require a small shuffle, and occassionally, so far that he needed to make a significant effort and almost crawl to fetch them. He is already setting himself challenges that are a little beyond his grasp.

Dissect and connect

Lawrence seems to have a natural ability to pull things apart. Building blocks, the limbs off cuddly toys, parts of my laptop, all have been dissected with great expertise. Fortunately he is now showing some interest in putting things back together. Recently I watched as he held two building blocks, moved them together with the connecting ends in the required orientation, twisted one around to fit the other, and pushed them together so that they locked. To encourage such a constructive attitude, we have now provided him with a set of lego, and an excelent toy from the Boots Basics range: a ball into which variously shaped blocks can be fitted, so long as each block is manipulated into the appropriately shaped hole. The foundations of mathermatics perhaps?

A powerful attractor

And finally, his favourite game: lovely ladies. I should explain, the rules are as follows:

sit in a crowded place, such as a cafe;
look around for a likely candidate, preferably a woman with long hair and a big smile;
fix her with a powerful and unflinching stare until she notices and looks back bemused;
if necessary, do a loud "excuse me" kind of cough;
just as she starts to look baffled at the behaviour of such an odd baby, start to smile and laugh.

The result is always the same. The technique renders the target completely helpless, and she walks over in admiration and behaves in such a way as to clearly indicate "want baby now". Amazing, and a trick that I have never been able to perform. Perhaps I should video the performance and sell it as an instructional guide to attracting women? Please note that I have so far resisted the temptation to exploit the results of Lawrence's work.

To illustrate this, I have taken a photo. For your own safety, it is taken at an oblique angle rather than looking directly into his eyes. However, if you are female and want to resist Lawrence's hypnotic stare, I suggest that you look away now:

Hypnotic stare