September 05, 2006

location location

where do i live? at the moment i can hear the rag and bone man passing by my front door, classily ringing his bell, and neglecting to yell “raaag nnn booon” (“something big is going to happen…”)

yesterday as i jogged around the river, a man with three teeth and a micky, or perhaps minnie, mouse t-shirt accosted me as i ran. i extracted one of my headphones and cocked my ear his way – “i don’t mean to be nasty”, he said, “but there is a reason there is a path here, and a road here.”.

“don’t worry about it”, i replied,”i’ll be ok” and ran on for a long long time – though not fast enough to duck or to dodge his rejoinder: “fuck you”.

beat beat beat tom tom tom

and then my friends and i played board games and discussed all of the things that young men discuss – philosophy and gilrs, reading books, sporting activities, bohemia, pubs, coffee. we were interupted at 3am by a girl ringing the doorbell:

“do you know alison?”, she asked
“it’s just that i think she has gone off with my boyfriend”
“sorry, no-one knows who alison is.”

she apologised, the door was closed, and we expressed incredulity before heading to unmade beds.

what denizens there are – hopeless wandering girls, tooth-lacking pedants, men self-effacingly seeking rags and bones. it makes you want to play the swordfishtrombones.

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  1. George

    Oh yes, Alison.. persistent wasn’t she, and the cursory “goodnight boys”, felt a bit belittled, although i was standing there in some garish boxer shorts so i should’ve expected it. Before I start Amber Spyglass perhaps I’ll dip into “To The Lighthouse”, I have it on good recommendation from someone..
    that Jogging story doesn’t get any less savage or go any way to restoring my faith in humankind when slapped down in text format.
    tom waits reminds me of Gus Poyet in that picture.or maybe Lee Marvin…(

    05 Sep 2006, 18:20

  2. to the lighthouse might be wise – perhaps i shall read it too… it comes well well recommended i agree

    i had forgotten about the “goodnight boys” – the whole thing was a blaze of uncertainty… your remembering such details only goes to show how few accurate things actually make it onto the blog. it is more about form than content. (perhaps reading to the lighthouse might… etc etc…)

    07 Sep 2006, 01:50

  3. George

    “Form over function”: like a pair of nice shoes, that look totally stylish and chic/chouette, but that let lots of water in when it’s damp, or scuff up easily..
    So wellies might be functional but they lack that certain beauty of form.. ahem.. it’s just a case of finding the balance i suppose (Vans?)

    07 Sep 2006, 12:13

  4. Ed

    ‘It’s more about form than content’ – now that would be the overriding maxim of Virginia Woolf that governs her entire atrocious and unreadable canon. And also the favoured excuse from her insensate apologetics for her mind-numbingly insensate ‘psychoanalytical’ ramblings. No-one else is capable of fitting his or her entire plot into a three word title…

    George (and, indeed, Oli), ‘To The Lighthouse’ is abysmal literary faeces. Whoever recommended it deserves a consummate slapping.


    10 Sep 2006, 20:34

  5. Ed

    Hmm. Apologies for the overuse of the word ‘insensate’ in the second sentence there. I should have used a synonym.

    10 Sep 2006, 20:35

  6. i was in nottingham, and i bought my copy of ‘to the lighthouse’...

    your claims of insensate ramblings have only piqued my interest, young ed

    26 Sep 2006, 12:57

  7. It’s like a slightly less funny version of Madame Bovary.

    But better.

    26 Sep 2006, 21:29

  8. Ed

    Damn, I was concerned about that happening. I would have been perfectly happy to pay you good money to take my beautifully illustrated copy off my hands, but never mind. It must be said that it is never promising when the front cover illustration is infinitely more interesting than the content. I must also warn you that even a hopelessly overrated z-list writer like James Joyce (for whom the popular term ‘ludicrous impenetrable bollocks’ was coined) would have rejected the plot for being too mindlessly uninspired.

    Oli, I implore you not to read this book. It is dire. It has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Even the author (a spectacularly uninteresting woman by any standards) possessed a hilariously large proboscis to keep people unfortunate enough to be in her soul-destroying company entertained. The book possesses no such compensatory feature.


    27 Sep 2006, 20:10

  9. those are some long sentences ed… some would almost say they were joycean…

    unfortunately, the portrayal of the artist was rather good, and has found its way into my text in various ways before…

    and plot? spare me your cliche of ‘plot’

    (i’m not sure how serious i am)

    28 Sep 2006, 02:27

  10. Hold up. I can understand why Woolf might not be liked by disgruntled English students, spoiling for a polemic.

    Joyce, however, is simply bitching. Dubliners as ludicrous, impenetrable or bollocks? No way!

    I’ll give you Finnigan’s: even Nabokov thought it was inpenetrable…

    28 Sep 2006, 16:39

  11. Ed

    Woah, how did you know I was a disgruntled English student?? I fear that spending most of the second year analysing Ulysses and A Portrait Of The Artist As A Young Man to death may have irretrievably warped my already fragile mind and rendered me capable only of feeling pure loathing for their author regardless of the quality of the rest of his canon. I have had recurring fantasies of committing posthumous homicide (hmm) – it’s such a shame that he is not with us today. I think I should start a ‘Still Dead, Still Shoite’ series on my blog.

    I have to say that I fully concur with Nabokov, however.


    03 Oct 2006, 21:11

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