All entries for May 2007

May 21, 2007

Hey guys, I've been to the future.

And in the future I saw the six o’clock news. This was the top story:

“It’s been just over one year and two weeks since the now five-year old Madeleine McCann was abducted from a holiday resort in Algarve.

Portugeuse police insist they are making progress with the case, despite media speculation that they are no closer to finding Madeleine than they were when she first went missing.

Detectives looking into Madeleine’s disappearance have complained that the case is being hampered by the fact that they are obliged to stop for a minute’s silence to think about Madeleine, once every ten minutes. However, these claims have been dismissed by many as ‘callous’, and just more excuses from an inept and incompetent police force.

Meanwhile, Madeleine’s grieving parents, Gerry and Kate, move into a permanent residence in Portugal today. The magnificent golden palace, paid for by the Madeleine Fund, will be their home indefinitely while they await their daughter’s safe return.

Back home, the reward for finding Madeleine has soared to an amazing 10 billion pounds, with literally hundreds of celebrities donating money to the cause. Recent celebrities to offer reward money include TV chef Ainsley Harriot, ex-tennis player turned gameshow host Tim Henman, and the Chuckle Brothers.”

The other news items were a bit less interesting and important, but I think they were vaguely something like this.

“Hundreds die as suicide bombers target newly renovated precinct in Baghdad”

“No survivors in Bolivian aircrash”

“Crime soars in Portugal, as every available police officer is drafted onto the Madeleine case”

And:

“Shares for flower companies at an all time high, thought to be a result of the public’s insistence on leaving flowers for Madeleine on every public monument in Britain until she’s found”


May 15, 2007

10 band names that are a better name for a band than Get Cape, Wear Cape, Fly.

1. Get Cape, Wear Cape, Cry
2. Get Cape, Wear Cape, Fuck Off and Die
3. Get Cape, Wear Cape, ????, PROFIT
4. Get Cape, Wear Cape, Bum Rape
5. Get Cape, Wear Cape, Run Around Going “Look At Me, I’m Wearing a Cape!”
6. Get Cape, Wear Cape, Get Your Head Kicked In By Skinheads
7. Get Cape, Wear Cape Once, Put Cape In Wardrobe and Forget All About It.
8. Get Cape, Wear Cap, Presumably If They Think You’re Crazy Enough To Wear a Cape, They Won’t Suspect That You’re Actually Deeply Unhappy With Your Life.
9. Get Cape, Wear Cape, Play Boring and Deriviative Music
10. Anal Cunt


May 2007

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