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January 24, 2006

Men

Earlier today, whilst hearing about a female friend and how she’d met this wonderful guy, I came to loathe women temporarily. During this temporary disjointment from normality, I weighed up all the things I had done to try and please the female specie and all I had gotten back, and found girls wanting. Hence I thought it was time the record got set straight and I published an article about how awesome men are….

Well I say article, but that would be just what they’d expect me to do [especially after that last paragraph], so here’s a list of reasons why men kick women’s asses at being ace any day of the week.

Appearance – Men don’t mind if each other look dishevelled, I talk of course of real mean and not cusp of bentness metrosexuals. You can happily be a man meeting up with another man without having to spend 2 hours assembling various animal bi-products on your face to try and escape being real.
Also its safe to meet male friends without having to worry about eyes accidentally being drawn towards shamelessly flaunted parts of your friend’s anatomy.
Commenting truthfully on a man’s appearance is not akin to introducing Mr Blender to Mr Testicle. Mentioning that a guy’s shoe looks odd without a sock will not replace any atmosphere with liquid helium.
The Manphallus 1000 and associated accessory pack may look ugly but they’re a lot simpler and far more comedic to draw than abdominal tentacles or whatever the female equivilent is.

Intimacy – Men can take full on humorous embraces and ironic fondling far better than non-men can even take some light friendly and socially reaffirming hugs. Most men can also freely joke about intimate sexual relations [Mr Samuel Boulby is a sexy beast and a machine in bed, mmmmm. Or You knob men] whilst mention of anything below the neckline to a girl can ruin a conversation faster than an ill timed necrophillia gag.

Ugly factor – men usually don’t mind how non attractive each other are, and will still Talk to each other even if the other is not Sexy McSex or a regular user of Sam’s Muscle Gun 9000.

Arnold Schwartzenegger – Men like Arnie and aren’t afraid of his rippling body and stylish way of brutally kill people and then making flippant punts about their often hideous and gory deaths. Plus they appreciate the artistic quality of him in really small, tight black speedos.

Technology and “geek” – Men aren’t afraid to love technology and appreciate the inner beauty and the appeal of complexity. Double for engineers. Pose yourself the question of “Bugatti Veyron or 2 weeks sexual in the bed of almost any hot female[spits] you can think of?” see how much of a petrol headed, metal loving, man you are…

I will add more when sufficiently distanced from reality again…..


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