January 27, 2005
Boffins nationwide are still trying to explain the mysterious case of Warwick student Hugo Bell-End. Until last Sunday Hugo was a normal Warwick student quietly making his way through a BSc in Maths. However for nearly a week now Hugo has been unable to voice any opinions other than those printable in the Daily Mail. A close friend admitted "it's very embarassing. Most of his right wing tirades usually take place on public transport." I myself experienced at first hand one of Hugo's diatribes. "I would never go to One World Week," he shouted, "what would I do except go around telling everyone how Britain had conquered or owned their country at some point."
Experts say they don't hold much hope of finding a cure for this terrible disease believed to be richdadandhouseinthehomecountiesitis and say Hugo will have to be isolated. One boffin added "Hugo is already in the isolated bubble of Warwick university and as long as he stays there we won't have to put him down.
October 28, 2004
October 18, 2004
What's the fucking point in having fire drills? As far as I can see it's just a way of practising getting up and getting dressed quickly. This is something I learnt to do a long time ago. In my opinion the amount of fire drills that the university has is inversely proportional to how seriously people take them. Think about it. At warwick as soon as the alarm sounds people start think "Another fucking fire drill" and don't take it seriously at all. On the other hand if we didn't have any drills, I would think "This isn't normal. It must be the real thing – I'd better get the fuck out of bed right now".
So, to whoever organises the fire drills at Warwick, you're a load of twats! If you wake me up at 7.48am to play your little fire drill games again I will set fire to your house.
A friend of mine from the US recently summed up the union much better than I will ever be able to. So, cheers Chris!
"Nights at the union are like left over meat. You can make things with the meat and call it many different names: meatloaf, sandwiches, a curry, but in the end it's still the same old meat and it tastes like shit!"
Wise words indeed
October 03, 2004
Last year I studied abroad in Portugal and despite my general lack of enthusiasm for life at Warwick, I was looking forward to seeing how the campus had improved over the year I had been away. The answer is – it hasn't. It's got worse!
1. I was hoping that in the wake of some pretty cool British indie music over the last year, Warwick students would have woken up to the idea of getting a life and not attending Top Banana or school days. Do you have no pride in yourself? And don't tell me that you don't really like the music and you just go for a laugh. You don't – you all love it because you're lame and you think you have a chance of pulling some equally lame and drunk bird. On the few occasions I have attended these events, I was driven crazy by the music. if you like good music you can't like the union.
p.s. I admit that chikinki were superb – but it's a drop in the ocean.
2. Where the hell am I supposed to watch the champion's league on a Tuesday? I was forced to watch it on a tiny screen in the airport (that's The Bar for my younger readers) with a twat of a DJ pumping out unbelievably shit dance music and inviting us all to "make some noise". I would rather have heard some noise from the commentators mate. Gone are the days of the stadium style situation in the airport which was awesome; comfy seats, no DJ, big screen and commentary.
3. Kaleidoscope changes its name to Cafe Library! One of the worst name changes in history, although The Airport to The Bar is still the worst. This happened between 01/02 and 02/03. With the dumbing down of television and politics, I guess that the University Entertainment and Restaurant Naming Department is following suit and employing a rugby player to name their establishments.
More to follow people. Leave comments if you agree with me. if you don't – go away.