November 25, 2008

The Numerous Solipsisms of Urg

The following was found daubed on the wall of a cave in the mountains of Altamira in Spain, dated from between 35 – 36,000 years ago:

The publication of “A philosophical Enquiry into the Nature and Future of the Simian Race” by Ug Urg, will hardly have escaped the reader’s attention, so great a furore has arisen in the wake of its release. Indeed, critical acclaim has already begun to rise in the smoke signals on the horizon, and at the time of writing, signal drums are being beaten, calling it “the finest treatise on Pan-Simianism and technological advancement since Glarg’s ‘Rebuttal of the Theory of Neanderthal Supremacy’.” Am I alone, then, in regarding Mr. Urg’s work to be a gross emission of fact –perhaps the greatest solipsism yet produced by the Simian race?

              Mr. Urg begins his treatise celebrating the technological advancements that have arisen in recent times from the great minds of our species: namely the stone axe and the wheel. Urg exults in the “superior cutting edge” and “improved dexterity” of the axe over the use of more traditional implements – the bone knife, for example. However, Urg’s axiom (if you pardon the pun), is flawed. True, the axe has brought us many advantages, but it has destroyed the old ways of life, the old forms, and by reason of the continual rapid change it involves, prevented the growth of the new. Can this be allowed to continue?

              All over our land, we see tribes casting away their bone axes and knives, picking up in their place stone axes that indeed have a “superior cutting edge” for slicing through sinew, but cut apart, too, our traditional way of life. Tribes, who once carried their burdens on their back, using the honest labour of their own bodies to accomplish the task, now carry greater loads on wheeled carts and exult in their mastery over nature.

              Relics of the old ways can still be found across the land, true, where tribes have rejected the new, but the high-speed, high-demand mode of living engendered by the introduction of stone axes and wheels is steadily tearing them apart. I lament, then, that while the Simian people once had a culture, now we have agglomerations united only by contiguity, by the proximity of the cooking fire and the sharing of the stone axes and handcarts. How did this momentous change – this vast and terrifying disintegration – take place in so short a time? We, as Simians, have lost contact with what I have termed “the organic community”.

              Where will it end? Will future Simians even abandon the caves that have given us shelter since first our species emerged from the trees? A cynic might imagine a nightmarish dystopia; a world where Simians have abandoned altogether the culture we now hold so dear. Extremists of the “progressive” school of thought have even gone so far as to suggest the domestication of the animals of the wild, the ordered growing and harvesting of plants and the building (yes, the building!) of dwellings out in the open, whose height would challenge even the trees themselves. Surely I need say no more in criticism of these ramblings, as their mere suggestion testifies to a dangerous mental deficiency, as I’m sure the reader will agree. Indeed, there is no end to the slippery slope on which our species has undoubtedly begun, to the abhorrence to which such a “progressive” approach could lead.

              I impeach the reader, then, to disregard the remarks of Mr. Urg, and involve themselves instead in the rejection of these new and frankly dangerous appliances, to reconnect themselves with what is truly important to the culture of our species, and what made us who we are today. Let us return to using bone axes and carrying loads on our backs, the way our fathers did, and their fathers before them. Let us reverse this outward and obvious sign of the loss of the organic community, and by extension the loss of naturalness and normality, which has resulted from the introduction of the soulless technologies that Mr. Urg holds so dear.


- 4 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. Haha, excellent! I actually LoL’d =P

    26 Nov 2008, 00:32

  2. Thank you. =)

    26 Nov 2008, 01:58

  3. Please show this to Aid. Please. Or like, send it to him anonymously.

    26 Nov 2008, 17:51

  4. Haha will do. =)

    26 Nov 2008, 18:27


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