December 02, 2006

Watching This Movie WILL damage your health

Movie image
Napoleon Dynamite
Not rated

Oh my gosh. This is by far the worst “comedy” movie I’ve ever seen. You will want the last 86 minutes of your life back. Hence it gets ZERO stars out of five. It was the biggest waste of time I have come across. If you are even thinking about watching this movie, don’t. I suggest the following alternative activities which are much more worthwhile:

1. Find the worst movie you have ever seen (e.g. Spice Girls The Movie) and watch it three times over.
2. Observe a person who is watching paint dry.
3. Listen to James Blunt/Westlife/The Carpenters on constant repeat.
4. Cutting the grass on your lawn with a razor blade.
5. Take a dump for 86 minutes.

Maddy recommended this “cult” movie. John, Paul and I sat through it all. We had a strange feeling that the joke was on us. And that Maddy was making us three idiots watch this worst excuse of a movie whilst she went to bed… laughing in histerics. It turns out she does actually like the movie a lot. We really need to sort her and anyone else who likes it, and BEAT them with a sensibility stick. It wasn’t the slightest bit funny. If it had been slapstick, it would been funnier. Was it an in-joke? Schoolboy joke? They weren’t original.

Picture the scene: a nerd riding a mountain bike jumps on a ramp….

(are you in hysterics yet?)



...86mins later

(how about now???)

I’ve read better jokes on the back of a Penguin bar. It can only be summed up by what Paul said when the extra scene came on after the credits.

I’m not watching that. Life’s too short

John: 0/5
Paul: 0/5
Me: 0/5

- 33 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

[Skip to the latest comment]
  1. I think its a film you either love or hate. I love it.

    02 Dec 2006, 03:09

  2. I liked the last 20 minutes of it, the rest of it was poor.

    I’ve been around nerds all my life and none of them have been an unlikeable as Napoleon Dynamite, it’s not until he helps Pedro out at the very end that you see that he has any redeeming qualities. I can’t figure out if he was actually supposed to be a nerd or just a generic unlikeable guy of some description.

    02 Dec 2006, 06:24

  3. i like this movie it is a good movie

    02 Dec 2006, 09:25

  4. It appears that only people with the name “Nicholas” like this movie.

    02 Dec 2006, 09:48


    Napoleon Dynamite rocks. Relive the excitement with the sound board

    02 Dec 2006, 10:34

  6. Dave Hedgehog

    You are wrong.

    02 Dec 2006, 11:32

  7. Napoleon Dynamite is brilliant – it’s surprisingly dry humour for an American movie.

    02 Dec 2006, 12:31

  8. Nicholas Chesher

    This movie is awesome, anybody who doesn’t like it is a FRICKINIDIOT… or just not called Nicholas

    02 Dec 2006, 12:51

  9. I think its a film you either love or you’re an idiot. I love it.

    02 Dec 2006, 14:06

  10. Tell me WHY you like it.

    02 Dec 2006, 14:07

  11. It’s humourous in a subtly clever way. The characters aren’t trying to be funny, but their whole behaviour is comic when you think about what they are trying to achieve in their respective environments.
    It’s not so much laugh-a-minute, it’s more a chuckle-later.


    02 Dec 2006, 15:27

  12. It’s a film that only awesome people like

    02 Dec 2006, 16:02

  13. charlotte

    It is rated PG. You said it wasn’t rated

    02 Dec 2006, 16:10

  14. WGA has locked me out again

    Not rated means he hasn’t given it a rating out of 5, in this case it would seem to be 0/5.

    02 Dec 2006, 17:30

  15. Ahh at last, someone that agrees with me. Watched it with some friends a few years ago and they all thought it was wonderful, I just didn’t get it. I clumped it in with I Heart Huckabies as one of those films that seem to be really popular amongst students that want to be seen as cool. It just tries too hard to be weird and quirky while completely forgetting to be funny or have any plot or characterisation, it’s just “Look how wacky this film is! It’s really wacky and weird and quirky! Like it and it will make you cool!” – I’m still not convinced it’s thousands of fans arn’t habouring under some Emperor’s New Clothes-style delusion as I don’t just think it’s awful, I can’t even get an incling of why others might like it either. Maybe I’m just getting old.

    02 Dec 2006, 20:07

  16. Dean… agreeing with you on I Heart Huckabees… was actually expecting something from the film, given how much it was pimped around. Got around to watching it and I don’t think I’ve seen anything so terrible since Johnny Mnemonic or The Crow 2.

    02 Dec 2006, 20:16

  17. I can’t believe that anybody with at least half a sense of humour couldn’t find I Heart Huckabees funny. The people who don’t like that film generally fall into one of two categories: (i) would-be philosophers and intellectuals who get riled at the philosophical inaccuracies of a film that is not trying to be philosophically accurate at all, and (ii) numbnuts.

    02 Dec 2006, 20:30

  18. It’s interesting because I would have characterised the folks who actually found it funny to be:

    1) Would-be philosophers and intellectuals who find the film some kind of masturbatory experience.

    2) Numbnuts.

    How alike we are in our bifurcation!

    02 Dec 2006, 20:55

  19. Fortunately for confused onlookers who may not be able to decide which of us is right, I am actually infallible. Numbnut.

    03 Dec 2006, 00:33

  20. Joe Shepherd hates Napoleon Dynamite.

    03 Dec 2006, 03:29

  21. THANK YOU!!!

    I hate when people say it is such a great film – Its SHIT! It is total crap. There are only two mildly entertaining parts, where he dances and where Pedro’s cousins pull up in the lowrider and just look and shake their heads at the guy picking on the kid.

    The rest of it, is just plain bad. its so nice to find people out there that get that.

    04 Dec 2006, 10:57

  22. massive lolosity roffle etc at Vincent and his wit

    04 Dec 2006, 22:58

  23. Do Joe and Vincent have some kind of rivalry going on?

    05 Dec 2006, 14:00

  24. Sort of.

    06 Dec 2006, 20:53

  25. Phil Sanders

    I hated it until I watched it again.

    08 Dec 2006, 18:15

  26. Thanks Joe!
    I missed you greatly!
    How’s feminism and all that gay shit coming along, then?

    11 Dec 2006, 00:14

  27. I love you Vincent. Blogs would be so shit without you and Helen.

    11 Dec 2006, 18:43

  28. Dull IRA sympathisers rock my world

    12 Dec 2006, 18:57

  29. Hey Josephine, if I’m so dull, why are you still making obscure references to off-hand comments I made more than a year ago?
    Anyway, maybe we can settle this with a bicardi breezer in the union and a conversation about how great women and the labour party are.
    You still have my number,
    use it.

    12 Dec 2006, 21:15

  30. Nope, still too dull

    13 Dec 2006, 12:24

  31. scott

    you are wrong that was great mabye you have a shit sense of humor

    11 Feb 2007, 00:11

  32. How’s feminism and all that gay shit coming along, then?

    Joe’s Gay? Or a woman? Or both?

    Wtf. The mystery deepens!

    11 Feb 2007, 16:28

  33. It’s a great film, it’s the revenge of the nerd and it doesn’t pander to anyone.

    19 Feb 2007, 00:02

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