July 08, 2005

Tardan Stallions Revolution

The Stallions may have lost their last game, but all good things must come to an end.

Fear not though, for the blog lives on!


The blog is dead, long live the blog!

Vive La Revolution!

June 17, 2005

Awards evening

As I'm sure you're all well aware, the Stallions prestigeous awards ceremony will be held tonight at 8:00pm in The Bar.

Nominations and presentation of awards will be done where possible by the current holder of the award. There are a number of new awards for which a presenter has yet to be confirmed. We are hoping to attach some top celebrity award speakers but failing that Tusky O'Piece will be available at late notice.

Here are a list of the awards up for grabs and the nominations

Oldest Player of the Year:
Dennis Carl, Miles Dennis and Stephen Pond (current holder)

Youngest Player of the Year:
Daniel Baker (current holder), Holly Cruise, Daniel O'Flynn

Top Goal scorer:
Owen Bellamy, Nathaniel Christopher, Mark Hardis, Stephen Pond (current holder)

Top Own-goal scorer (new award):
Owen Bellamy, Nathaniel Christopher, Mark Hardis, David Pickles

Most Appearances:
Owen Bellamy, Nathaniel Christopher (current holder), Holly Cruise, Mark Hardris, daryl Jackson, Daniel O'Flynn, David Pickles, Stephen Pond

Goal of the Season:
Owen Bellamy, Mark Hadris (current holder), Stephen Pond

Highest numbered player of the Year:
Nathaniel Christopher, Mark Hadris (current holder)

Lowest numbered player of the Year (new award):
Owen Bellamy, Daryl Jackson, Daniel O'Flynn, Stephen Pond

Kit Designer:
Daniel Baker, Nathaniel Christopher, Mark Hadris (current holder)

Best Webdesigner (new award):
Daniel Baker, Nathaniel Christopher, Mark Hadris, Stephen Pond

Best blog entry of the year (new award):
Daniel Baker, Owen Bellamy, Nathaniel Christopher, Mark Hadris, David Pickles, Stephen Pond

Merchandise Designer of the Year (new award):
Owen Bellamy, Nathaniel Christopher, Katie Moreton, Stephen Pond, Debbie Simcock

Top Talisman (new award):
Daniel Baker's mangers coat, Nathaniel Christopher's shorts, Stephen Pond's hat

Best Chant (new award):
Legend Hadris, Nayfe and the pies, Pond is from Ashby, Super Dan

Best Match reaction (new award):

Best Match (holder is 5–5 vs Toast):
3–1 win verses Captain Couragous, 2nd Walkover against International Rescue, 5–2?! defeat to Real Madras

Best Newcomer (current holder David Pickles):
Daryl Jackson, Daniel O'Flynn

Best loanee/trialist (new award):
Miles Dennis, Dennis Carl, Carl Buddy, Buddy Holly, Holly Cruise

Best International Player (new award):
Dennis Carl

Goalkeeper of the Year:
Daniel Baker (current holder), Holly Cruise, Miles Dennis, David Pickles

Defender of the Year (new award):

Midfield of the Year (new award):

Forward of the Year (new award):

Utility Player of the Year (new award):

Players' Fan of the Year:
Gabrielle Frith (current holder), Kim Goddard, Katie Moreton, Eloise Moir-Ford, Debbie Simcock

Players' Cheerleader of the Year:
Gabrielle Frith, Kim Goddard, Katie Moreton, Eloise Moir-Ford (current holder), Debbie Simcock

International Support of the Year (new award):
Eloise Moir-Ford

Best Attendance by a Fan (new award):
Gabrielle Frith, Kim Goddard, Katie Moreton, Eloise Moir-Ford, Debbie Simcock

Best Match Attendance (new award):

Manager's Player of the Year:
Stephen Pond (current holder)

Players' Player of the Year:
Mark Hadris (current holder)

Supporters' Player of the Year:
Owen Bellamy (current holder)

Stallions' Stallion:
Nathaniel Christopher (current holder)

Cheerleaders' Player of the Year:
Nathaniel Christopher (current holder)

Players' Manager of the Year:
Daniel Baker (current holder)

Players' Physio of the Year:
Sam Boulby (current holder)

May 30, 2005

"Short Shorts" Nayfe Reaches 22

The Tardan Stallions proudly announced today that one of the club's
greatest assets is 22 today. The fans are worried that his growing
injuries due to his age may raise concerns with his contract and a
possible 1 year extension. Nayfe told us earlier in an exclusive
report, "An extension would be great but I've been having a lot of
problems in the hip area. Long playing sessions are causing
persistent stiffness which is beginning to get painful." The manager
and coach acknowledged the problem, suggesting that it really
comes down to the way he handles it. Fans worry that he is finding
it too hard at times and will find it difficult to keep his current
form up. Nayfe remains optimistic though claiming that he stills
feels the magic when he gets hold of a ball.

Despite the problems, the manager remains confident that Nayfe may
be a part of future plans, if only part time. Sponsors remain
doubtful after the performance in the league and cup but the fans
are looking forward to the new season after the team achieved a
single win.

April 23, 2005

Middlesborough in Stallion Star Tapping Shocker–From BBC News

BBC news can today confirm for definite that it's a possibility that Owen Bellamy, a Stallions star player, might have been "tapped" by Middlesborough. Maybe.
The following report is by our intrepid reporter, Tusky O'Piece:
"I was round the back of a restaurant rooting through the skips and bins, when I noticed [Owen] Bellamy going in. I stopped my nefarious activities and followed him. After waiting for a few seconds and gazing round, he went and talked to a member of staff. I heard him asking questions about a "big Mac"- surely none other than Boro supremo, "big" Steve McClaren. I moved in closer, (and I don't mean the German footballer) to hear more. Bellamy was then asked a question which sounded like "With Fries?", but my ears were muffled by the fake rubber plant I was hiding behind. I then realised he must have been asked "With de Vries?"- Middlesborough were making a move for the Leicester City striker too! And the scandal was increased when Bellamy said "yes" – managers Baker and Levein will surely be distraught. To confound his situation, he asked "Could I have a shake?" Not satisfied with discussing terms without his clubs permission, he wanted to conclude the deal there and then! But stallions fans shouldn't worry just yet. Bellamy was informed there would be "No shakes" as "the machine was broken." What this last enigmatic statement means is open for discussion. Possibly it was a sideswipe at the current K5 stipulation, the "machine" being the Premier League's rules. Bellamy then left with a brown paper bag- containing his first advance on his signing fee? Who knows? I don't."

The FA has asked for a full enquiry.

March 09, 2005

Match 12: Stats and FACTS

Yeah, so we had a friendly with kung foo. More news to follow when that swarthy tusk Christopher gets his arse in gear.
Basically what happened was we were meant to have a game, our opponents didn't turn up, so we had a friendly with Kung Foo, (as you'd probably guessed.) We scored through David Pickles, and although they edge the game possesion wise, we came away with the win.

March 07, 2005

Team News

We've have challenged Dudley's rejects to a match at 3.30pm Tuesday 8th of March 2005
Venue: Westwood Astro Pitch 1 (is where i told them- Dan can't remember where we're meant to be)

The Stallions are currently sitting 10th in the table, with the challengees in 7th.

Team News as follows:

Starting Line up from:
Daniel Baker
Owen Bellamy
Nathaniel Christopher
Mark Hadris
Daryl Jackson
Daniel O'Flynn
David Pickles
Stephen Pond

March 06, 2005

Match(?) 11

They didn't turn up (which means we won). Nayfe has said he will write a report still but given how much of a lay about the man is, I don't hold out much hope.

February 28, 2005

Team News

We've have challenged Westside to a match at 4pm Friday 4th of March 2005
Venue: Tarkett

The Stallions are currently sitting 14th in the table, with the challengees in 10th.

I think we would all agree that it's a massive game, and the Stallions star defender NC has been quoted as saying "Well you're saying it's a massive game, but I think it's a magnificant one."

Team News as follows:

Daryl Jackson – general death*
Daniel O'Flynn – ankle related death*
David Pickles – on a hot man love date

Starting Line up from:
Daniel Baker
Owen Bellamy
Nathaniel Christopher
Mark Hadris
Stephen Pond

*not literally death

February 26, 2005

Stallion Social

The directors of Tardan Stallions PLC, in conjunction with the Tardan Stallion supporters association, have arranged a second social.

Date: Tuesday 8th March 2005
Time: 8pm drinking starts, (forfeits for late arrival)
Venue: The Bar
Chair: tbc

The Rules:
You must be willing to obey what the chair says, within reason. Also, please put your drinking boots on.

Reaction to Match 10:

"Nayfe- Big ball!" -David Pickles, commenting on Christopher's shorts presumably..
"You did a lot of sexual things on pitch today" – Stez
"etc etc" – Nayfe
"I'm having a shower now" – Nayfe again
"Why don't you just tell us your fucking life story" – Stez in response to Nayfe's post match comments.

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