All 4 entries tagged TV
August 14, 2005
Big Bother finished on Friday and was won by Sid, a shark from the waters of Australia. His main tactic was eating the other contestants, including: an iguana, a chimpanzee and George – a plumber from Dudley.
"It wasn't a deliberate ploy to eat the other contestants" said Sid before he attacked Dermot O'Leary – leaving him just alive but in great pain – "but you know how it is."
Fascist propaganda paper, the Mail on Sunday, has called for the show to be banned after housemate Edith, a rhinocerous, impaled James the gardener on her horn live on Channel 4. The Big Bother housemates responded personally saying the paper is just jealous, the Mail on Sunday escalated by telling the contestants to go f**k themselves. "We already did" came the reply.
One of the tasks the housemates had to take was a general knowledge quiz. Surprisingly none of the human contestants even featured in the top three, scoring below a squirrel, a tortoise and half a Subway sandwich. In all fairness there were still two meatballs left in the sandwich.
Frustrated by a slump in viewing figures Channel 4 executives announced that next year's series will feature more tits. Rumours that this means another celebrity series have yet to be confirmed.
In other news Sid the shark has been signed up by ITV to present a new show for Saturday nights called "Celebrity Sharks eating your eyes".
May 23, 2005
I was taking a peep at some O.C. episode guides and noticed how they like to make puns on "The O.C." eg. earlier this season there was The Sno.C and coming up there's an episode called The O.Sea. Anyway I was curious to see what was in store and hacked onto the secret storyline computer they have in a shed somewhere in Hollywood and found some previews of episodes due for the third season:
The Glo.Sea. Arnold Schwarzenegar guest stars as himself and launches a nuclear strike on Iowa. They counterstrike destroying half of Newport. At the end of the episode there's an emotional scene with Ryan and Marissa (who now has three arms) kissing on the beach next to the sea which has a radioactive glow after the fall-out.
The No.Pee. Bladder problems all round as a mysterious virus hits the Orange County.
The Doh.C. Sandy gets fat and bald.
The Proper Bo.C. Avid Merrion guests stars and is taken in by the Cohens. Unfortunately he is deported when Kes pecks out Kirsten's right eye.
The Wo.C. Just your average episode.
The Blo.Me. Julie Cooper opens a brothel.
March 28, 2005
Being a geek isn’t the stigma it once was. A number of bloggers are openly geek. Indeed such is the craze for all things geek, it is possible to get away with using the word as an adjective. There are a number of possible reasons for this:
- The rest of the world has come round to the fact that geek is simply a misunderstood form of cool.
- Most people at Warwick are geeks, so we are only exposed to geeks, leading to the view that it is “in”.
- Someone has created a device emitting electromagnetic pulses hypnotising the world into thinking geeks are cool.
The craze on blogs is for personality type tests. Many however come up with the unsurprising “You are a geek”; more useful would be to find out what type of geek you are. So here we have four categories of geek (pick your own, quizzes are dull):
You can be:
Comic Book Fan (a.k.a. The Seth Cohen)
Previous form: Comic Book Store Guy off the Simpsons.
Now: In fashion after the success of the Spiderman films and TV series Smallville.
True Geek Powers: Love of comic books
Potential for selling out and betraying geek roots: High; you talk about yourself way too much. That doesn’t make you a geek, that just makes you annoying and self-absorbed.
Chances of getting the guy/girl: High, low, high, low, high, low… For some reason you are intermittently successful, but god only knows why.
At Warwick would study: Something modern and alternate sounding, Media Studies etc. You’re a geek but not a classic maths/physics type.
Likely to say: "I know, I get that. But if it is 'cause of me, maybe I can talk her out of it. Except for the fact that I can't ask her if it because of me without sounding totally self-absorbed. And I'm not self-absorbed, right Ryan? Me. Me. Me."
Swot (a.k.a. The Hermione Granger)
Previous form: Lisa Simpson, clever but very annoying.
Now: Taking bookworming to a new height, but in fashion because of a deep loyalty to your friends and a sense of right.
True Geek Powers: Superswot and hitting Malfoy
Potential for selling out and betraying geek roots: None, you pride yourself on being smart, why change?
Chances of getting the guy/girl: High, if they ever realise they like you.
At Warwick would study: History, all that reading’s right up your street.
Likely to say: "Not spew, it's S-P-E-W, Stands for the Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare."
Heroic Geek (a.k.a. The Peter Parker)
Previous Form: Clark Kent – not cool.
Now: Intense and introspective, the kind of geek who needs reassuring.
True Geek Powers: How about altering your DNA for size?
Potential for selling out and betraying geek roots: Medium, geeks aren’t usually strong, but you remain goofy with or without glasses.
Chances of getting the guy/girl: Okay, once you make your mind up.
At Warwick would study: Law, lots of potential for sulking and being serious.
Likely to say: "Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words: "With great power comes great responsibility." This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm Spiderman." Yawn…
Shy Geek (a.k.a The Willow Rosenberg)
Previous Form: Matilda. Nice story when you’re seven, but you can’t go back.
Now: A little insecure, potential for losing the plot and trying to kill everyone.
True Geek Powers: Smart, also brave, sort of.
Potential for selling out and betraying geek roots: Low, what kind of geek wouldn’t try to destroy the world given the chance?
Chances of getting the guy/girl: High, but you make the strangest choices: Best friends, werewolves, people who get their brains sucked out and then killed, potentials and even nearly added ex-rats to the list.
At Warwick would study: Chemistry, it’s like making magic potions.
Likely to say: "We can come by between classes. Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens. But it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know… insane.
January 17, 2005
The O.C. is so terrible, but I can't help watching it. Most of the characters are pure evil (Caleb, Julie, etc…) or just plain annoying (Marrissa, Kirsten, …). The plot lines are hilarious, Luke's dad being introduced just so they could have a gay story, Julie Cooper and Luke having an affair, crazy Oliver. Thats just the first season, don't get me started on the second. Aside from that it's such a shallow programme, the message you get from it is this: "Rich people do bad things sometime but they're good at heart. Poor people are evil evil evil!!" For example, Caleb is practically satan, but the show tries to make us sympathise with him, whereas Eddie is painted as some kind of lunatic, even though he's not really as bad as Caleb. But in spite of this I still watch it, and I feel so ashamed. You get hooked on it and can't stop, its really bad. I can't even pretend I'm watching it ironically because of the bad plot lines, I genuinely enjoy it. To the show's credit it is pretty funny sometimes, and it's nice to watch something on TV where the sun always shines. Its still awful though and I've written a poem about it:
The O.C is just so lame,
and the characters are a pain,
but i find it really funny
and the weathers always sunny.
Ryan's a bad boy who isn't bad,
in fact he's actually kinda sad.
All Seth ever does is talk,
like a parrot squawk squawk squawk.
Marrissa's an alcoholic,
at school she drinks gin and tonic.
Summer's really vain and short on wits,
but she's forgiven cos she has big…
Sandy's pretty cool,
he let Ryan live by the pool.
Kirsten's usually pretty glum
and she's too young to be Seth's mum.
The plots are really contrived
and the actors oughta be knived.
So why do I watch it?
when really it's just s**t
I do hope I'm not the only one who feels this way, perhaps if there are others we should form O.C. anonymous (though I realise my anonominity has been blown after this blog).