All entries for April 2005

April 29, 2005

The Really Nice Party

Everyone on blogs seems to be affiliated with some political party of late – even if some are with joke parties like the Conservatives – so I thought I'd better get on side with someone. My party is the Really Nice Party (Or to give it its full name, The Really Really Really Really Nice Party).

Children/Education

  • All kids will be given a bike for their fourth, tenth and fourteenth birthdays.
  • Schools will have bigger playing fields and more after school activities, this will mean pupils can stay at school until later, saving money for parents on childcare.
  • Kids will only be taught interesting history. eg. Fascism – interesting, Ancients – interesting, Agricultural Revolution – deathly dull. Medicine through time – zzzz. If history gets dull we'll make stuff up. eg. The pyramids were built by aliens.
  • We'll ban teaching literature in school because it puts kids off reading. Instead we'll have book groups for kids as part of the after school activities.

Crime Prevention

  • The police will be replaced by "Be Nice Squads". They'll go around being really friendly and stuff, no one will want to commit a crime because they'll feel guilty about upsetting the "Be Nice Squads".
  • We'll make prisons more enjoyable places to be, cos let's face it thee current system doesn't work.

Taxes

  • You're thinking "All this will cost money", but don't worry, we'll just tax people who have too much money, they won't miss it.

Health Service

  • We'll pump it with money but we won't actually need one anyway, people are less likely to get ill if they're happy. Everyone will be delirious under Really Nice, so will never get ill.
  • We'll give out lots of free condoms to try and stop STDs.

Immigration

  • The more the merrier. Everyone's welcome.

Foreign Policy

  • Instead of going to war we'll go and talk to to nasty dictators and try to find out whats up and stuff. They might just be lashing out because of misplaced aggression and just want a shoulder to cry on.

General Welfare

  • Free ice-cream for everyone on sunny days.
  • Anyone who's a bit short of money on a given week can go too a special bank and we'll help them out with a fiver here and there.
  • By law everyone will give flowers to someone eadh week.

Oh, Be Nice!


April 27, 2005

Guide to love (2) – Heartbreak

Follow-up to Guide to love (1) – Cupid from Bloggle

As previously discussed Cupid is a terrible shot. So when aiming for a person's heart with an arrow he frequently misses. This is okay, unfortunately he sometimes hits the target but the arrow does not pierce the heart in the correct manner, the result is heartbreak.

A little biology. Many people assume hearts to be red through and through. This is not true. Hearts all appear red on the outside, however this is due to the outer layer consisting of the rubbery stuff they wrap babybels with.

When a heart gets damaged a tough coal like layer forms under the red outer layer, this is the black part of the diagram. However as time passes without damage the edges soften and a soft pink goo fills in between the black and red layers. This happens every time the heart is damaged, so similarly to with trees you can tell how many times someone has been heartbroken by counting rings. At the centre of all hearts is a fire, however if too many layers form around the heart the warmth of the fire ceases to be able to reach the outside – how sad.

There are seven main types of heartbreak:

1. The arrow sails right through: The result is falling madly in love, albeit briefly, with the first person you see. This can be quite embarrassing in the short term as running up to someone on the street, shouting "I love you!" and grabbing a boob or a crotch is generally frowned upon. However this causes no long term damage to the heart.

2. The arrow glances the heart and cuts it: This is initially very painful. The heart becomes very tender and leads to drunken whining along the lines of "Why don't you love me?" *Sob*. Fortunately the affect usually wears off by morning.

3. The arrow hits the heart but bounces off, leaving a bruise: This is a simple Do-you-want-to-go-out-sometime?-No-thanks situation, rather than a Do-you-want-to-go-out-sometime?-Ewww-you-make-me-want-to-shove-my-fingers-down-my-throat-I-have-to-go-take-several-showers-to-get-rid-of-the-grossness-of-being-asked-out-by-you! type scenario. Again there is no long term damage, but you should take care with the heart for a while, because it will be a bit sore.

4. The arrow digs in, but snaps off leaving a fragment in the heart: This can be quite nasty. This happens when you ask someone out and they say yes, but rapidly lose interest. Ultimately it doesn't cause too much damage, buy it's a bit annoying.

5. The arrow tears a chunk off the heart: The hole means that you are susceptable to developing huge crushes based on physical infatuation. If dealt with correctly this isn't a problem, it only becomes so if you leave the wound open to the elements. Most cases of stalking are a result of carelessness in this area.

6. The heart gets mangled: This happens during messy break ups. In this case Cupid got the shot right, unfortunately your chosen love decides to pull the arrow out with the delicacy of an elephant doing decoupage. This causes mass tissue damage and the heart struggles to survive. It's all kinds of painful.

7. Critical Fault: This is the worst. Cupid again is right on target, but unfortunately the arrow snags on something and is yanked out through the top causing a crack. It's circumstances beyong Cupid's your or anyone else control – it's just a bitch. If not treated carefully the heart can break in two and become completely useless. The common response to this eventuality is to go "ow! ow! ow-ee! ow-ee! ow!


April 26, 2005

Guide to love (1) – Cupid

We all fall for someone from time to time. This isn't our fault, it happens because we get hit by one of Cupid's arrows. Cupid was born in 1573 in Paris, the son a French painter and his beleagured wife.


An artist's impression of Cupid

Cupid never actually graduated from Love School; he failed his archery exam because he was such a terrible shot. In spite of this he has gone on to become the most successful person to have attended the school.

In his own estimation his proudest moment was making Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun fall in love. Cupid was himself a Nazi and wanted to do something for his good friend "Addy", indeed Cupid stayed in Hitler's bunker until the very end.

For true love to occur, one of Cupid's arrows needs to pierce our heart directly (see diagram). The closer to the centre the better.

Cupids arrows are dipped in love juice, this disperses into the heart making the person all sappy. The love juice is made from:

  • Melted down romantic films. The quality of the film affects the love's chance off success. Should it be something fun and funky such as the Wedding Singer the relationship has every chance. However if the film was some god awful tripe featuring Julia Stiles then it is doomed from the very beginning.
  • Awww juice. This is created every time someone saws "awww" because of Cutesy Wutesy Kittens, Fluffy Wuffy Bunny Wabbits or Sweet and Cute and Ickle (sic) Ducklings.
  • Mushed up Flower Petals. Cupid uses sweatshop workers to stomp on them and give them the correct texture.

However as already mentioned, Cupid isn't the best shot. This means things frequently go wrong, which we will cover in "Heartbreaks".


April 25, 2005

Mike's F1 Championship – Round 4: San Marino Grand Prix

F1 has died, F1 has risen, F1 will rise again.

Okay, blasphemy over.

Golly gosh! That was an actual race! My hand's still shaking even now. I'm glad I don't have exams this week because I doubt they'd be legible. The race was so good, one of my flatmates even stayed in the kitchen to watch it, rather than the usual "Oh god! Not this crap again."

In other news, that was an interesting time for Red Bull to announce the deal with Ferrari. I think it makes sense, what with the new rules for next year, but that Cosworth engine is pretty special; Albers was second fastest through the speed trap during Qualifying One! I can just picture (hear?) it on the team radio after Coulthard's Qualifying One lap:
Christian Horner: "Nice lap David"
David Coulthard: "Thanks, we sucked for grip, but this cosworth engine is great!"
CH: "Er, yeah… about that."
It begs the questions which is the worst engine out there. Based on the Minardis I'd rule out Cosworth, and lets face it it's not Ferrari! Mercedes seem much better these days, and it's not Toyota or Honda – they've got plenty of grunt. I can't believe it's BMW either, surely not? Which would point to, er… Renault?!?! They do have great times through the speed traps, but I get the feeling they're able to run less donwforce than the other. Crazy or what? The runaway championship leaders might have the least powerful engine, though to be fair I guess power isn't everything – well I guess that's fairly evident!

Last week I set a load of questions, for anyone who cares, here are the answers:

  • Fernando Alonso is from Oviedo, Spain.
  • Pedro de la Rosa last scored points prior to Barhain at the Italian Grand Prix in 2001 for fifth place.
  • There have been two Austrain world champions, Nicki Lauda and Jochen Rindt (the only post-humous champ incidentally)
  • Kimi Raikkonen has spoken precisely seven words in his entire life.
  • Jarno Trulli's first podium was a second place at the 1999 European Grand Prix at the Nurburgring.
  • Michael Schumacher's kids are Gina Marie and Mick
  • Felipe Massa drove in Euro3000 before F1
  • Jos Verstappen finished seventh at the 2001 Malaysian Grand Prix
  • "g'day", "g'day"
  • Jacques Villeneuve never drove well, it was always the car. But I would accept the Indy 500 '95 or Estoril '96.
  • David Coulthard's jaw is squarer than 4, ah…
  • One current brother in F1 is slower than his sibling, officially.
  • McLaren were the last team other than Ferrari to win three consecutive Grands Prix, San Marino, Spain and Monaco in 1998.
  • Using sophisticated analytical machinery, we can ascertain that Ron Dennis has achieved such a level of boringness as it is possible to obtain. Though the result has yet to pass scrutineering.
  • Toyota have had seven race drivers in F1: Mika Salo, Allan McNish, Olivier Panis, Cristiano da Matta, Ricardo Zonta, Jarno Trulli and Ralf Schumacher
  • Pierluigi Martini led the 1989 Portuguese Grand Prix for one lap in a Minardi.
  • Tobleromes are made in Switzerland, no one went for the sucker answer of Cuckoo Clocks, which was kinda disappointing (cuckoo clocks are made in Germany)
  • Red Bull (of course) gives you wings
  • Cigarettes give you: Bad Breath, Yellow teeth, yellow fingernails, lunger cancer, heart disease, throat cancer, clogged arteries, wrinkles and an empty wallet, but they make you look so hip and sophisticated – all the cool kids are doing it.
  • As Simon Young correctly pointed out it was Pepsi who sponsored Jordan through their 7up brand, which was cleverer than I was being, I just wanted "7up"
  • Simon suggested, "In which year was Sir Frank Williams confined to a wheelchiar?" Ooo, good question! 1985?
  • Ferrari last went four consecutive races without a win in 1999, when Hakkinen won in Hungary, Coulthard in Belgium, Frentzen in Italy and Herbert at the Nurburging.
  • My favourite colour (at the moment at least) is purple, though I would have accepted red as that was my favourite colour previously.
  • Jonathan Palmer co-commentated with Murray Walker in 1996

And on to the points at last:

Drivers

10pts Michael Schumacher: Here's what I wrote after qualifying in anticipation of taking a chunk of points off him:

Michael Schumacher They say you should never do it, but that's it, I've had it, I'm writing:
Off Michael Schumacher*

In all fairness how was I supposed to know the Ferrari was going to be two seconds a lap quicker than everyone else?

8pts Jacques Villeneuve: After I've been slagging him off all season he puts in a belter of a performance, beating both Williams and both Toyotas. Another world champion succeeds in making me look silly.

6pts Kimi Raikkonen: Poor lad. He's so not the ice man though, why the hell do people call him that? He's one of the most consistently pissed off drivers ever. He does have good reason. How many races should he have won by now? It's getting a bit silly.

5pts Jenson Button: A decentish drive, let's face it he probably couldn't have finished any higher.

4pts Narain Karthikeyan: Megastar! Only one lap down in a Jordan isn;t a bad effort. He's making Monteiro look like an idiot. Which I guess isn't that hard, but Webber making Alex Yoong, and Fernando Alonso making Tarso Marques look like idiots worked for them.

3pts Felipe Massa: He's still crrraaaaaazzzyyy but now he's got speed too. Poor guy having to change his engine, perhaps Ferrari are still hissy about Sauber abandoning them as a political ally so are giving them parts that are supposed for Rubens.

2pts Vitantonio Liuzzi: Now that was actually pretty impressive, lets be honest he made Coulthard look a bit silly there, and did Alonso and Schumacher lap him? No!

1pt Fernando Alonso: Clearly he deserves so many more points than this, but I'm getting really bored of writing his name next to the numbers, 6 8 and 10.

-1pt David Coulthard: Oh dear, DC seems to have given up. I guess he did have his stipulated one good drive of the year in Melbourne so probably has nothing left.

-2pts Rubens Barrichello: Rubens seems intent on being as anonymous as possible this year, maybe he's hoping Ferrari will forget he's there and not impose team orders on him.

-3pts Giancarlo Fisichella: It's just not happenign right now. After I raved about him before the season I'm not best pleased.

-10pts Tiago Monteiro: Well at least he's one driver who's proving me right.

Constructors

10pts Ferrari: Clearly this car is very very very very very fast, but they don't get points for that. They get points because Schumacher's second place and Barrichello's DNF, means the normal order is resumed, Michael's ahead of Rubens in the championship. So James Allen will have to find some other crap to say.

8pts Minardi:
Albers
was
second
quickest
through
the
speed
trap
in
qualifying
one

Unbelievable

6pts BAR They're quicker than before… good for them.

5pts Sauber: After Malaysia I suggested that Sauber may have forgotten that they were on Michelins. Clearly the same happened again, except in a good way this time.

4pts McLaren: Hey they're quick! Ron Dennis is still boring though.

3pts Toyota: I can't believe it. Seventh and Eighth (perhaps, depends if Ralf's penalty stands) is now a bad result for them.

2pts Renault: Don't you hate it when the same team keeps winning? Still i don't mind hearing the French national anthem, so I'm not going to complain.

1pt Red Bull: I quite like their attitude to drivers now, it's growing on me. Though when Liuzzi was talking to Klien in the motorhome, poor Christian looked a bit hacked off. But it means we get to see David Coulthard get beaten by two youngsters. Double value discounts at Red Bull!

-1pt Jordan: If it weren't for single lap qualifying which forces us to see every car I think I'd have forgotten they'res actually there. At least the Minardis break down so we get to see them then.

-6pts Williams: That sucked.

Special Cases

-1000pts ITV It's not that often we have such a tense end to a race, so when it happens is it too much to ask to want to see it? Martin Brundle's grid walk was well below par apart from "Roberto Carlos? I'd rather meet his wife." And I can't imagine what insanity drove him to interview Ralf Schumacher. He'd qualified more or less nowhere, he's not having an interesting season (he's not having a bad season, but it's not interesting), he's not exactly the most charismatic driver, and oh yeah, he hates the British press! And who can blame him? They always diss him and there was that whole rumour about him being gay. Clearly the man who is married to Cora Schumacher is not gay. James Allen reached new lows. Now don't get me wrong I've never been a fan, but the guy's clearly a great big tory, so I now hate him. You must have picked up on the reference:

Oh, and dear lord, Mark Blundell being forced to wear that pink shirt again. Poor bloke.

12pts Mathew Mannion: Correctly answered lots of questions right and probably knows more than me anyway.

2pts Simon Young: For correct answers. Could have been more but he got cockey :p

2pts Joseph Long: For correct answers. Unfortunately most of them had already been answered otherwise he'd have got tons right I'm sure.

10pts Warwick Blogs: We rock guys.

Drivers Standings
31pts Fernando Alonso
16pts Jarno Trulli
12pts Simon young
12pts Mathew Mannion
11pts Nick Heidfeld
11pts Christian Klien
10pts Giancarlo Fisichella
10pts Rob Margeit
10pts Glen Crompton
10pts Martin Brundle
8pts Pedro de la Rosa
6pts Narain Kathikeyan
6pts Michael Schumacher
6pts David Coulthard
5pts Takuma Sato
5pts Felipe Massa
4pts Maark Webber
3pts Kimi Raikkonen
2pts Juaan Pablo Montoya
2pts Vitantonio Liuzzi
2pts Joseph Long
2pts Rubens Barrichello
0pts Alex Wurz
0pts Anthony Davidson
-1pt Jenson Button
-8pts Ralf Schumacher
-14pts Tiago Monteiro
-18pts Jacques Villeneuve
-20pts Me

Constructors
38pts Renault
14pts Minardi
13pts Red Bull
10pts Warwick BUKC
10pts Warwick Blogs
7pts McLaren
6pts Toyota
3pts Sauber
-1pt Jordan
-11pts Williams
-16pts Ferrari
-20pts BAR
-1006pts ITV

*Note this joke was used by David Baddiel on one of the European Championship Fantasy Footballs with "Germans" in place of Michael Schumacher. Well I can't take credit for ripping off someone elses joke now can I?


April 24, 2005

Britishness

I read a comment on a blog about someone saying they despised this country in which we live. I think that's just sad. How can anyone despise a country? I know there's lots wrong with this particular one:

  • Terrible politics – if this is democracy, then it's a joke.
  • A rather dubious history. For instance, who invented concentration camps? Yup, that's right, the British!
  • A nasty underbelly of racism – just look at the fuss over immigration being made in the election campaigns, it's dispicable.

But actually despising the place is going a little far. Indeed the author of the comment said they couldn't see what was so great about Englishness. Now, the whole notion of Englishness is somewhat fuzzy and based on stereotypes so can't be applied to the country as a whole, but I can think of lots of things I like about "Englishness":

Complaining about the weather: It's pure briliance. How can something so trivial be the topic of such hot debate? You'd think that a discussion about weather really needn't go much furtehr than:
"What's it doing out there?"
"It's raining"
Yet as soon as there's any fluctuation from what the weather should be doing, it's panic stations! The temperature gets too hot and we shout "Drought!" A bit a rain, "Flood!" And as for if it snows, well better stay indoors for a few days, don't want to end up like one of those ice men they find in the alps. I bet Scandanavians in this country have a great laugh in winter.

Overhyping geographical features: I live in the Peak District. Are there any peaks there? No! It's magical how Britain interprets such things. Most other countries would barely describe the hills in the Peak district as being even that, minor elevations, perhaps, but hills? Come off it!

A sense of irony: It would appear that anyone on blogs without one immediately becomes subject to a witch hunt. A great read about Britain is Bill Bryson's Notes from a small Island. One particular quote is when Bryson is buying a train ticket and asks for a receipt. The clerk says "The ticket's free, but the receipts £17.50". Genius. Bryson also notes that Americans don't have a phrase for taking the piss, unbelievable!

British manners: It would be a bit harsh to suggest other countries don't have "manners", but this is a defense of Englishness so it has to be mentioned. Queueing in particular is brilliantly British. It's so timid and probably the "English" trait that shows most strongly in me. I'm ridiculously shy, but anyone butting in front of me in a queue will feel my wrath! It doesn't even need to be enforced, British people naturally fall into long queues. It's in our genes.

The bewilderment that we don't succeed at sport: First of all it's not even true! The rugby world cup anyone? But is it any wonder if England doesn't win the (football) world cup? When it rains all the time who wants to be outside playing sport? If we had Brazilian weather I reckon we'd do much better. And the "after you" mentality of queueing isn't exactly the ruthless determination required for top athletes.

Well that's my defense of "Englishness", though I guess it was more accurately "Britishness". Of course there's many things I don't like about Englighness, but I'm writing a defense, so I'm hardly going to mention them here! And I'm not a patriot you know, given the choice I'd probably have liked to have been born in France! And whilst I think the concept of countries and national traits is outdated, I do like what is called "Britishness", especially seeing as I have many "British" traits myself.


April 21, 2005

Evil Squirrel Bastards

Grey squirrels are attempting to rise up and become the dominant species on Earth. Not content with obliterating the Red Squrriel population, they now have their sights set on Fluffy Wuffy Bunny Wabbits and from there they are expected to mount a threat to humans.

Squirrels are disguising themselves as rabbits in the hope of being adopted by kind hearted families, and then going about killing the family's pets. Do not be fooled by this deceit.

Here are two pictures of rabbits…

But... one is in fact a squirrel pretending to be a rabbit. Can you tell which?

There is an easy way to tell the difference. If you grab a rabbits tail and it comes off then you probably have a squirrel. However this is not guaranteed as some rabbits have taken to pretending to be squirrels pretending to be rabbits in order to avoid being beaten up by actual squirrels pretending to be rabbits.

Everyone is urged to take care at this most delicate of times. Should you see a squirrel, do not panic. Simply back away slowly.


April 19, 2005

It's a sign…

I was doing some practice questions for an exam and no kidding this was one of the solutions:

Spooky. It must be a sign from the blog lords. Afterall, blog backwards is golb, which is someone eating toffee trying to say god… So I beg of thee blog lords. Tell me you will and I will do your bidding at Warwick.


April 16, 2005

The Beatles

The Beatles are the best band ever. Okay so that's not a great revelation, but it's easy to forget. Seeing as I'm going to see them play in December (okay, okay, you got me. I'm going to see the Bootleg Beatles play, but I'm not gonna get much closer than that, well without a tardis anyway) I was going to make a "Top-ten", but there are too many great tracks to choose from – it's impossible! So here is a list of Beatles songs that I really like.

Strawberry Fields
Famously it never got to number 1 because it was beaten by that crooner bloke. No not Tom Jones, the other guy. Elephant Hummerblink or summat. Seeing as it's on Sergeant Pepper you'd be forgiven for thinking it's about drugs, but Strawberry Fields is a real place; a Salvation Army home where John Lennon used to like to go as a kid.

Help!
It's so catchy, and can you name another song title that uses punctuation and actually deserves it? Nope? Didn't think so. A curious fact about the song is that the album version had different lyrics from the single version.

Revolution
The opening riffs mega. Clearly Noel Gallagher thinks so as he ripped it off for the introduction to Fade Away (the b-side to cigarettes and alcohol version, not the acoustic help version). The song was a response to the Vietnam war.

I Want to Hold Your Hand
This is what love songs should sound like. None of that "Take off your clothes, yo, bitch. F**, f**, f***. Owww! Yeah…" nonsense thank you very much. See, the sixties were a more innocent time… um, maybe not. Regardless it's a song I love to listen to when I have a crush on someone. How much simpler can you put it? "I want to hold your hand", six little words that say it all.

Helter Skelter
Some say Paul McCartney invented Punk Rock when he wrote this song. Somehow you can't really imagine Sir Paul with a mohican can you? It's still a great song though and probably the best Beatles song for shouting (rather than melodically singing) along to.

Tomorrow Never Knows
This is the last track on Revolver, on of the Beatles' less prominent albums, if indeed any of them aren't. According to the man himself this was John Lennon's "first psychedelic song." He wasn't kidding either, it's bloomin' weird.

Something
Well it wouldn't be right to leave George Harrsion out. This surely is his most famous contribution to the Beatles, well apart from the wicked guitar playing lark. Also it was the only single the Beatles released written by George. It has been covered more than the astonishing figure of 150 times. The most notable being Frank Sinatra's effort.

You've Got to Hide Your Love Away
It's rumoured that John Lennon wrote the song for the Beatles gay manager (as in manager who was gay, not manager of gays silly) Brian Epstein. But it's a great song for anyone who's ever had to hide feeling for anyone, and let's face it who hasn't?

Octopus's Garden
This one of only two songs Ringo Starr wrote for the Beatles (the other being Don't Pass Me By. No me neither). Though he did need a little help from his friends (universal groans), with George Harrison reworking the chord sequence. It's not the classiest Beatles song, but it was one of my favourites when I was knee-high to an oft-used-in-cliches insect – along of course with Yellow Submarine, which Ringo also sang – because the imagery is so child like (or stoned, one of the two). Well it would be, wouldn't it Thomas?

Let it Be
Ah, it had to be here somewhere. The last track from the last album, to which it gave its name. Imagine the emotion of popping your Let It Be LP onto your record player and listening as the needle scratched it's way through this song and then it's all quiet - no more Beatles. However the song wasn't meant like that. It was supposed to be about the Beatles getting back to what they did best - simple live music - after the heavily studio produced White Album. As in "let it be" and don't touch that f***ing phaser.


April 15, 2005

41 answers you never wanted to know to 41 questions you never asked

Bout time I did one of these.

1. Full Name:
Michael William Walker

2. Were you named after anyone?
The 'William' bit has been in my family for since time began, but I hate it so it won't be for much longer!

3. Do you wish on stars?
No, does it work?

4. Which finger is your favourite?
Middle finger, left hand. I have a tiny little scar from when I got a bit overenthusiatic cutting my toenails.

5. When did you cry last?
Ah, jeez. I was feeling low towards the end of first term this year so around there.

6. Do you like your handwriting?
Yup! I'm always changing it, at the moment I'm trying to make the tails on my g and y 's more square. hmmm… thats a bit geeky.

7. What is your favourite lunch meat?
(Danish) salami

8. Any bad habits?
Biting my nails

9. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf?
They're not on a shelf but I have both Avril Lavigne albums on my computer.

11. Are you a daredevil?
Not really, but I can be pretty reckless on my bike. Riding too fast down hills on snow and ice.

12. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to?
Don't think so

13. Do looks matter?
Well I suppose the correct answer is no. But they kinda do, but not in a "ugh, you're ugly, fuck off!" way. More how someone presents themselves (see qu. 28)

14. Have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid?
All the time, I have trouble forming coherent sentences. When I'm drunk i have trouble even forming incoherent sentences.

15. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?
Yes, because I'm the lepracaun! hee!

16. Do fish have feelings?
No they're dumb.

18. How do you release anger?
Punching pillows

19. Where is your second home?
Er… Hurst?

20. Do you trust others easily?
Yeah I'm pretty trusting

21. What was your favourite toy as a child?
Probably toy cars. I used to push them round making sound effects and doing race commentaries.

22. What lesson in school do you think is totally useless?
I always hated Geography but I'm not sure that it's useless.

23. Do you like soppy love songs?
Hell no!

24. Have you ever been on radio or television?
Not yet, but I'm gonna be a star baby!

25. Do you have a journal?
I've tried but I always look at stuff I wrote a week ago and think it sounds dumb.

26. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Noooo

27. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
Yeah, quite a bit. It hurts.

28. What do you look for in a guy/girl?
Well I have a habit of going for girls with similar taste in music (ie. they have taste! read: actual bands). And imagination, y'know, they're into magical type stuff. By which I mean Harrry potter or Lord of the Rings, not turning people into frogs. Clothes and hair I notice alot. I can't stand girls who dress boringly. Not that I want a circus freak! But someone dressed head to toe in "Top-Shop" doesn't do anything for me, which is just aswell because I doubt I do anything for them! Think blonde hair is dull too, dark much better. Er… not that I think about it much.

29: What are your nicknames?
Mike, how exciting

30. Would you bungee jump?
No, not a fan of heights.

31. Do you un-tie your shoes when you take them off?
Ah, so that's what those lace things are for.

32. What are you worried about right now?
Do I have enough bread to last the week before I can next go to tesco (I have exams mon-fri)? I ain't kidding, I'm completely neurotic.

33. Do you have any irrational phobias?
The world being overrun with zombies.

34. Do you think that you are strong?
Grr…. yes, well for my size anyway.

35. What's your favourite ice cream flavour?
Ben and Jerry's Choclate Fudge Brownie, mmmm

36. What's your favourite colour?
At the moment Purple.

37. What is your least fav. thing in the world?
At the moment the fact that the cleaners keep cleaning to sidding kitchen at lunchtime.

38. How many wisdom teeth do you have?
2 1/2

39. Are you in love with anyone?
Well I'm certainly not in love, but I think I might be developing a crazy crush.

40. How many people have a crush on YOU right now?
None that i know of.

41. What do you miss most right now?
My cats.


April 14, 2005

Make Poetry History

It doesn't attract major news, but poetry is still rife throughout the world. From London to Sydney, New York to Tokyo, poets are rhyming and and making plays on words.

Seven million children in Britain alone fall asleep in English lessons because of poetry each year. Many can't even settle to watch television in the evening without the words "I wandered lonely as a cloud." popping into their heads.

Hardy, Lawrence, Wordsworth. All names that strike fear into our hearts. Yet children as young as six years old will groan at the sight of their names tomorrow at school.

Since you started reading this, eight children have read a poem.

We must act now to stop this. You can make a difference. Send a big fat cheque payable to me and you will receive a wristband that lets everyone know that you think poetry sucks. 5% of money received will go towards helping children who would otherwise have to read poetry.

Only together can we make poetry history.


April 2005

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