My first blog entry: Enhanced and including Author's commentary

Follow-up to Guide to the Laundrette from Bloggle

I was feeling particularly sarcastic when I wrote this entry. I wrote it between going back and forth to the launderette near Rootes, even thoguh I lived in Hurst and the Hurst/Refern launderette was much closer. the trouble was I could never find it.

Guide to Using the Launderette

My main aim was to stick it to "the man". Doing laundry pisses me off because it's quite costly. Those capitalist pigs!

Sunday mornings mean only one thing for me. Rather than going to church to cleanse my soul I go to the launderette and clean my clothes. It's a slightly tedious but necessary job, I find its best to get there early before it gets busy. For anyone who's not sure how to use the launderette this is what you should do:

1. Get everything ready the night before, but make sure you forget at least one item otherwise its no fun.

This was perhaps a mistake to write because it reveals how utterly neurotic I am. I made a similar styled comment in a later entry about tieing ties the night before I wear them.

2. Forget to set your alarm and lie in well past when you intended, grumble something about the alarm turning itself off again.
3. Go to the kitchen and have breakfast whilst wondering why no one else seems to be up, its Sunday morning where can they be? Wash up but leave your tea towel behind so that it never gets cleaned and ends up all crusty.

Of course, this never actually happens to me because I'm perfect. I was merely using my artistic license

4. Shower, brush your teeth, shave, put on make-up or whatever else you need to do in the morning to make yourself look pretty, I find a paper bag helps best on Sundays.

This is true, I often wear paper bags on Sunday mornings.

5. Set off for the launderette, get halfway there and remember you left your money behind.
6. Go back home and pick up wallet, discover you have no twenty pence pieces for the drier. Moan to yourself about the stupid university trying to con us.

It was even worse two years ago. The washing machines used to cost £1.80, so to get the exact amount you need four twenty pence pieces. Though you could pay with two one pound coins and be no worse off than this year. It almost makes you glad pints of Carling cost £1.80 as you can virtually guarantee getting a 20p in your change.

7. Head off to the launderette again, get halfway there and remember you forgot to bring your pyjamas, think: "screw it".
8. Get to the launderette and find an empty machine, put your clothes in, discover that the bit where you put the detergent is all scummy.

I'd really like to know how they get so scummy. There's every reason to believe that it's a deliberate ploy.

9. Take clothes out of machine and put in a different one, after checking the detergent hole.
10. Try to put money into machine – discover it won't take it. Swear and curse under your breath. Aggressively throw your clothes back into your bag and make sure you slam the door to the machine so everyone knows how annoyed you are.
11. Find another machine, check the detergent hole, put your money in first, if everything works put clothes in and select cycle.

These points could probably have been summarised by saying "The machines in the launderette are crap and seldom take your change. This makes them the only things on campus to ever refuse money."

12. Leave to launderette to wait at home and forget to check your watch so you don't know what time to go back for.
13. Go back to the launderette find your machine and discover it still has 11 minutes left. Stand around looking like a moron.
14. Wait for the requisite 11 minutes and then remember you left your bag at home, run home looking rather silly, pick up bag and run back to the launderette.
15. Separate clothes that can de dried and put in machine, follow a similar procedure to that which meant you had to try three washing machines.
16. Remember the lack of twenty pence pieces, ask someone if they have change, they don't and look at you like pond life for asking, the fact that you're sweating after the run supports this view.

This is a slight at rude students. In a recent survey 90% of Warwick students were found to be "mildly snooty or worse".

17. Accept defeat and put a pound in the drier, get overexcited with the buttons and set your machine to dry for 70 minutes, make a note to yourself to be back after 45 so your clothes don't get cooked.
18. Go home and hang up the washing that won't go in the drier, get distracted and only make it back to the drier after an hour.
19. Take clothes out and put into the bag – if you remembered it this time, good for you. Burn yourself on any metal buttons on your jeans.

Getting burnt by buttons pisses me off. If there's no one looking I'll shake my fist at them.

20. Go home for the last time with good intentions of folding your clothes immediately so they'll iron easier. Put bag on bed and can't be bothered.
21. Go into the kitchen for lunch, afterwards wash up and find that the only use your tea towel is to unclean your plate, sigh and promise yourself you'll remember it next week.

I think I got my "University=Evil" point across quite well. The foul swine!

: 07 Jul 2005 11:48 |  Tags: Guides |  Comments (5) |  Report a problem