May 26, 2005

Mike' F1 Championship: Round 6 – Monaco Grand Prix

Once again there's no time to discuss the finer points of the race (It was a good 'un though, wasn't it?) so like a gameshow host once said "On to the Points!" (I can't think of a specific gameshow host who might have said those words, but surely there's one out there who has at some point said them)

Drivers

10pts Nick Heidfeld Quick Nick uber alles!* He's very quietly becoming a real star. Yet somehow it's still too easy to forget he's there.

8pts Kimi Raikkonen *Except this man

6pts Patrick Friesacher The Minardi guys deserve some points for outqualifying the Jordans. I think Friesacher has real talent. I'm not saying he's a future world champion or anything, but he certainly deserves to be in F1.

5pts Tiago Monteiro For being ridiculously polite. Kimi was coming up to lap him and he dived into the pits out of the way. Well i suppose he does get lots of practice. By the end of the year he'll have being lapped down to a fine art.

4pts Chritijan Albers For also outqualifying the Jordans.

3pts Mark Webber: At last

2pts Michael Schumacher You forget how tough the guy is. We did only got the end of it, but that must have been one seriously aggressive last lap. He'd better start winning again soon if he wants to get in on the title hunt, if he can win it from here, that would be seriously impressive.

1pt Juan Pablo Montoya "Wasn't me. Honest guv!"

-1pt David Coulthard He promised to bare his backside if he made it to the podium. There's not alot I don't know about F1, but whether DC has a nice arse or not is a mystery to me and I'd like to keep it that way.

-2pts Vitantonio Liuzzi Not for his driving abilities, but according the the interview in F1 Racing he's into his R&B and Hip-hop. I can't get behind a driver with such terrible taste in music.

-3pts Ralf Schumacher The mistake he made in qualifying was the exact mistake I've made on Formula 1 '97 on my playstation hundreds of times – though given the primitive nature of the game I could just drive on without difficulty. My excuse on these occasions is along the lines of "I was looking at something out the window and not paying attention." Wonder if he plodded back to the Toyota garage and said "Well there was this really nice yacht see…"

-4pts Rubens Barrichello For whinging about Schumacher overtaking him. "I had to move out of the way because if I hadn't we would have crashed and lost the three points we won. I don't want to destablise the team but I have spoken to Michael and boss Jean Todt." A few points, if he didn't want to destablilise the team why is he moaning to the press. It's like me saying "I think all bloggers are dickheads but I don't want to cause contraversy". Secondly, yes Rubens had to move ou of the way, that's kinda how overtaking works. Thirdly no Ferrari wouldn't have lost any points because ninth place Felipe Massa had already finished the race a lap down.

-10pts Jacques Villeneuve One word. Muppet.

Constuctors

10pts Minardi 13th and 14th in Qualifying. That's pretty sensational. Admittedly it's only because of BAR's ban, Ralf and Juan's skirmishes and that fact that the Jordan was the first thing designed after the invention of the wheel, but still, it's not bad going.

8pts Williams After dissing them big time this season they come good. Obviously they just needed a kick up the arse from me.

6pts McLaren The boring obigatory points for the winners. Yawn.

5pts Red Bull I was very bored by the "oo look, celebratories approach", but the Storm Trooper pitcrew was hilarious. Though I think they may just have stolen the kit from McLaren and painted it white.

4pts Toyota Yup, still quick(ish).

3pts Ferrari That car's so quick in the races, if only they could get those tyres to work in qualifying. I think Brundle's talking shit when he says the car's not right. It's probably every bit as good as the last, I don't know, million Ferrari's made.

2pts Sauber Er, well the Grand Prix was a while ago so i can't remember why I decided to give them 2pts. I think it was for when Peter Sauber ran up to Ron Dennis and slapped him with a haddock. Or perhaps that was a (rather disturbing) dream.

1pt Jordan Because… they turned up?

-6pts Renault Not the best tyre choice there, it has to be said. Thats about it.

Special Cases

-1pt Me I discovered that apprently you can listen to qualifying 2 on the BBC website so I thought I'd make the effort to listen in. So at ten o' clock I switched on my computer, completely clueless to the fact that qualifying had already happened. hmmm. Least we'll have rid of this weekend.

10pts Pitpass I love pitpass. I've said it really is great. It's got allt he latest news. Actual news too, not the usual garbage you get on t'web. Sometimes they run fake stories to see who's copying they're work rather than looking for their own news. And other than that it's really funny

-10pts ITV For all the damn crazy frog crap during the ad breaks. And for James Allen suggesting that Michael Schumacher and Rubens Barrichello had vanished from existence. Apparently they were "Literally nowhere", That's one heck of an achievement. I hate pedants but where's the point of having the world "literally" if it's only ever used to emphasise the point. What would he say if Schumacher and Barrichello actually did vanish altogether? He's got nowhere to go!


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