- Turn the difficulty of your subject into a bidding war:
"I have 16 hours of lectures a week."
"Well I have 16 hours and four of those are nine o clocks!"
"I'm a lazy arts student who doesn't have to do anything but I'm going whinge about reading even though we get a whole week to catch up anyway."
"I have to go to all my lectures standing on my head because the lecturer is a bat."
- Be crazy possessive of the food you have in the fridge:
"Hey you f&%£ing w$!^er, get off my cubic centimetre sized piece of f&"%ing ch&$se! F%&$ing pikey!"
- Pretend to be an alcoholic:
"Hey I was sooo wasted last night. I'm such an alcoholic!"
"Why? Are you completely dependent upon alcohol to function? Would you find going anywhere impossible without a drink. Is your name Larry? Do you sleep on a park bench every night?"
- Turn having bad taste in music into a competition:
"I love cheesy music me."
"Yeah well I love Living on a Prayer so much I can accurately make the waa-waa noises in my sleep."
"I like Girls Aloud… for their music!"
"I'm stalking the Proclaimers."
"I am one of the Proclaimers."
- If something really interesting is on television stare out of the window. In there's nothing interesting on television watch it.
"Hey there's a programme on about how someone in Colombia has found conclusive evidence of alien life… Oh wow look at that squirrel!"
"Hey there's a reality TV show on about people feeding squirrels. Let's watch it."
- Brag about how useless you are with the opposite sex:
"I've only pulled twice since getting to uni."
"I've never pulled."
"I'm so useless I've now pulled less in my entire life since coming to uni than when I started."
- Whinge about everything:
"£1.80 for a pint? What a rip off!"
"Our cooker takes a whole minute longer to heat up than the one we have at home."
"I have to get up at 10am tomorrow."
"I have four hours of lectures today. No one in the world has it worse than me!