April 21, 2005

Evil Squirrel Bastards

Grey squirrels are attempting to rise up and become the dominant species on Earth. Not content with obliterating the Red Squrriel population, they now have their sights set on Fluffy Wuffy Bunny Wabbits and from there they are expected to mount a threat to humans.

Squirrels are disguising themselves as rabbits in the hope of being adopted by kind hearted families, and then going about killing the family's pets. Do not be fooled by this deceit.

Here are two pictures of rabbits…

But... one is in fact a squirrel pretending to be a rabbit. Can you tell which?

There is an easy way to tell the difference. If you grab a rabbits tail and it comes off then you probably have a squirrel. However this is not guaranteed as some rabbits have taken to pretending to be squirrels pretending to be rabbits in order to avoid being beaten up by actual squirrels pretending to be rabbits.

Everyone is urged to take care at this most delicate of times. Should you see a squirrel, do not panic. Simply back away slowly.


- 56 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

[Skip to the latest comment]
  1. Aha! The mystery is now solved!

    21 Apr 2005, 22:45

  2. A very useful post. Thank you.

    22 Apr 2005, 19:43

  3. I try my best to provide an essential public service.

    22 Apr 2005, 22:24

  4. Thankyou for bringing this problem to my attention. In five minutes time I'll be heading for the park carrying a hammer…

    24 Apr 2005, 16:17

  5. Oh no! What have I started?

    24 Apr 2005, 19:28

  6. Holly Carroll

    thank you for helping me, i hope you don't mind I PUT this on my site to help my fellow classmates who probably think im insane. Visit if you would like. Click the name!!! <———
    I will be going out now and hunting down more evil squirrels

    04 May 2005, 14:36

  7. Alma

    thank you for telling me that they are evil. Even though I all ready know.

    05 May 2005, 01:42

  8. Zack

    Squirrley squrrel is EVIL. LOOK OUT FOR HIM!!! He has one eye (red), half a tail, and claws. He will kill YOU!!!

    06 May 2005, 00:16

  9. pie

    squirrells ate my nut pie.i will kill all those little bastards

    31 May 2005, 18:55

  10. Jaysen

    Im in the Air Force, and my job is to protect the base from EVIL SQUIRRELLS!!!

    02 Jun 2005, 00:53

  11. Squirrel Lord

    THIS IS AN INSULT TO MY POPULATION I WIL GET YOU ALL WITH THE HELP OF MY WAR BUDIES THE DUCKS YES THAT IS RIGHT US SQUIRRELS HAVE BEEN PLANNING TO MIND CONTROLL YOU AND DUCKS WE HAVE SUCSESSFULLY CAPTURED DUCK BUT NOT HUMANS ….. YET

    23 Jul 2005, 04:48

  12. elvis

    STAY IN SKUL!! oh & SHUT UP! SQUIRREL LORD

    11 Aug 2005, 09:55

  13. Marie-Cécile

    I knew it…
    No one believed me…
    They thought I was crazy…
    I KNEW IT HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Get prepared for the invasion…
    Moi je suis prête…

    The French Resistance…

    16 Aug 2005, 00:58

  14. Cara

    YES! I finally understand why I found my rabbit beating up my dog! I though it was just menstrual but this is so much more easy to believe. Luckily I did the right thing and called the local authorities, who then tried to arrest me but I got away when I threw my "rabbit" at them and it attacked. I grabbed my dog and ran! Who will they believe now?!?! You are doing a great service by spreading this warning, may I suggest also looking into this website link

    06 Sep 2005, 03:44

  15. Kelsey

    i'm glad i'm not the only weird one in this world!

    I hate squirrels!

    09 Sep 2005, 23:03

  16. squirrel hater

    a squirrel jumped into my bedroom window and attacked my brother.he has since turned evil… becareful, they are getting smart.
    its becomming land of the squirrels..

    09 Oct 2005, 01:18

  17. the squirrel killer

    be warend that there is a squirrel that ruels all squirrels
    his name is The nameless One and the only way to kill him
    is to cut off his head stab him were his heart should be
    and say lavru actdo nosicimoer which is majict that
    blows him to kingdom come.

    20 Oct 2005, 13:44

  18. anonamis squirril killer

    u have a point i think i have some stuff to do the job…....

    20 Oct 2005, 13:48

  19. squirrel #5

    u yeller belled humans forgot that we squirrelds know
    how to read now all i have to do is tracr back the call log and we can kill all of you

    20 Oct 2005, 13:51

  20. Squirrel nuker

    Mwahahahaha. we squirrels now have NUCLEAR TECHONOLOGY! be warned pathetic humans! for i can type! MWAHA!

    22 Jan 2006, 06:36

  21. Hammie

    For the life of me, I can't figure out why I didn't see this on CNN..

    24 Jan 2006, 15:32

  22. the albino fox

    i say we breed humans with squirrels to make a hybrid

    28 Mar 2006, 01:42

  23. monk fish

    a squirrel bet off all 3 of my nipples

    28 Mar 2006, 01:44

  24. squrill killer

    we should alll band up togather with .50 cal semi autos and blow those squrielly basterds to hell{and if we have time the bunnies too}

    04 Apr 2006, 04:02

  25. enneyehc

    Aha now i have a useful page for my Evil Squirrel Report. (seriously my teacher is letting me do a report on Evil Squirrels, and im not in Elementary)

    05 Apr 2006, 01:51

  26. Anonymous(lol spelled it wrong)

    muhahahahahaha now i can take over with the evil squirrels as my minions! noooo!!!!there attacking me! I am your creater!! nooo…....cough…..little evil squirrel:Now no one can have power over us! CHARGE!

    05 Apr 2006, 02:03

  27. Squirrel Lover

    Ack! I love squirrels! Rabbits are evil, I've been afraid of them for 21 years!!! EVILLLLL!!! Squirrel gooood

    16 Apr 2006, 06:41

  28. anti-squirrel soldier

    Squirrels are evil, they're slowly taking over starting with the parks, and they keep multiplying each year. The sugar gliders are the air force, the otters and beavers are the marine force and the groundsquirrels are the underground spies. The regular squirrels are the soldiers. We have to find their ring leader and stop them once and for all! The rabbits, birds and ducks are on their side too so we must proceed with caution they're slowly brainwashing all the animals to join them.

    08 May 2006, 15:41

  29. squirrells areevil

    squirrells are evil and its good that you wrote and found out all this i just wanted to let everyone know that my brother was attacked bya flying squirrel while riding a bike and lived i was amazed

    11 Sep 2006, 03:10

  30. cant say im being monitored by the squirrel enemy

    squirrels are planning to break into NASA and steal jet technology to give the flying squirrel air force world wide range we are all doomed the communist bastard squirrels will over come and the earth and surrounding planets will slip into dark times

    21 Sep 2006, 15:47

  31. www.blueyonder@d.com

    as a holy squrriel i shall put a curse on any pitifull human that cross me i will blow them all to space and tie tony blair to are nukuler missile ah ah ah ah ah its good to be a holy squrrile or sould i say medicen squirriel i can make squirriels gods and worriers ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

    13 Oct 2006, 10:45

  32. rasputan

    as a holy squrriel i shall put a curse on any pitifull human that cross me i will blow them all to space and tie tony blair to are nukuler missile ah ah ah ah ah its good to be a holy squrrile or sould i say medicen squirriel i can make squirriels gods and worriers ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah we shall rule the hole world

    13 Oct 2006, 10:48

  33. NAMELESS ONE

    its me the NAMELESS ONE!” ive come to tell all the squrriels that i will be holding a meeting in wait!!” i must switch to jumble eloh eno on eht kcab nwal fo eht dlo kao eert read back words and i have just been informed that we have a spy an under cover agent in the field she has infultrate the queens house and all the sucurity is down we will have the world you think we are not smart but you are wrong we have are owen satelite and s fleet and war squirriel and yes we did brake in to nasa and get the fa18 fighter plane plans and we will fight you have been WARNED DONT UNDER ESTERMATE ME EXSEPT A BOY NAMED ROBEY MCARTHYwho is a bounty hunter MY PROTECTER IS A BOY NAMED ADAM WALTER

    13 Oct 2006, 11:05

  34. NAMELESS ONE

    hi its me again have you been to the mole hill Alex buckley he is dangerous and so is mr easterby evil science teacher how dose experements on us he has transplanted a human brain in to a squirriel to infultrate are headquarters we must be on full alert…................. noooooooooo we are doomd we have no guns i must report them from my brother in IRAQ to get a nukuler gun we will win thats it broad cast over GOOD BYE UGLY HUMANS

    13 Oct 2006, 12:42

  35. I hate squirrels man!!!!!

    LOL!!! A squirrel bit and scratched me really hard and i had 2 get stiches!!! THE ARE EVIL B*

    !!!!!

    16 Oct 2006, 17:52

  36. bennnnnnnnny

    I hate squirrels as well finally someone i can relate to.

    23 Nov 2006, 19:47

  37. jamie

    u guys need to get a frikin life

    03 Dec 2006, 03:54

  38. Agent ASMBE (All Squirrels Must Be Eliminated)

    I am an undercover C.I.A. agent sent to infultrate the evil squirrels. I must keep my identity top secret in order to keep my family safe. The story of squirrels goes as such…. They all started out being cute and innocent little tree rats, when suddenly the squirrels president was asassinated by Osama Bin Laden. (damned terrorists) The squirrels decided to strike back, that’s when all hell broke loose. They started by raiding bird feeders, then moved on to bird baths, and then… they got cats to switch to the other side and with the cats help they started taking small house dogs and torturing them to make them tell all of the humans secrets. But it does not end there… the squirrels have recently started abducting children. Your children and pets are not safe in your back yard. Please keep an eye on all small dogs and children when they are playing outside. Thank you.

    22 Dec 2006, 18:51

  39. skweirldude119

    HELLOI AM INDEED A SQUIRRELI AM THE HEAD LEADER OF THE SKWEIRL GANG. OUR ENEMY, THE FOXS, HAV MANAGED TO KIDNAP 2 OF OUR MOST ELITE SKWEIRLS, I LIKE NUTS AND ROASTED OR SALTED. WE ARE PLANING A UNDER COVER ATTACK ON ON FOXS AND ARE GOING TO SABATOG SOME OF THEIR EQUIPMANT AND HOPEFULLY RESCUE SALTED OR ROASTED AND I LIKE NUTS. WE THINK THE FOXS HAV FORMED A ALLIANCE WITH THE DUCKS.

    WBS, NUTTY FOR NUTS

    29 Dec 2006, 01:01

  40. isaac

    i will take over squirrels and destroy all humanity

    24 Feb 2007, 18:47

  41. kool

    evil squirrels do exziest but im a hippie so dont shoot squirrels

    22 Mar 2007, 02:35

  42. kool

    sorry that was my squirrel brother peanut

    22 Mar 2007, 02:37

  43. kool

    squirrel lord stay in your hole you little rabbit. now im off to the park DIE SQUIRRELS DIE NOW!!!!!!!!!!

    22 Mar 2007, 02:41

  44. squirrel lord

    die sons of bitches

    06 Apr 2007, 04:27

  45. ass hole

    u killed keny u baterds

    11 Apr 2007, 16:29

  46. mikey

    mikey was here go squirrels go i luv u

    21 Apr 2007, 03:30

  47. hoebag

    fuck you was here go squirrels go i luv u

    21 Apr 2007, 03:35

  48. Laran

    i hate those stupid fucking bastards too thanks for informing me I TRY TO KILL AS MANY SQUIRRELS AS POSSIABLE BUT NOW I START KILLING RABBITS TOO KILL THE ENEMY FUCK THE LITTLE RODENT THEY SUCK STPID BITCHES THEY ARE COMEING SO KILL THEMN KILL EM KILL EM ALL

    07 May 2007, 19:18

  49. squirrel

    i am a squireel and we shall conquer the world now thaat we know ur Evil human plans MMMMMMMWWWWWWWAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAA !

    18 May 2007, 12:17

  50. ABACA

    squirrels are evil bastards there being one watching IR right now from selfs bedroom window it being sitting on branch watching IR with beedy eyes bastards

    27 Jun 2007, 16:25

  51. GI_Jane

    Squirrels are our friends! You could even ask the bug squashers in the AF and they will you that :)

    18 Jul 2007, 20:29

  52. police king

    wtf is goin on here

    08 Sep 2007, 18:02

  53. peter marsh

    hi i love Squirrels

    08 Sep 2007, 18:04

  54. ???????????????????

    I am an undercover C.I.A. agent sent to infultrate the evil squirrels. I must keep my identity top secret in order to keep my family safe. The story of squirrels goes as such…. They all started out being cute and innocent little tree rats, when suddenly the squirrels president was asassinated by Osama Bin Laden. (damned terrorists) The squirrels decided to strike back, that’s when all hell broke loose. They started by raiding bird feeders, then moved on to bird baths, and then… they got cats to switch to the other side and with the cats help they started taking small house dogs and torturing them to make them tell all of the humans secrets. But it does not end there… the squirrels have recently started abducting children. Your children and pets are not safe in your back yard. Please keep an eye on all small dogs and children when they are playing outside. Thank you.

    08 Sep 2007, 18:05

  55. Emme Foroe

    I hate squirrels more than anyone else. I am learning to shoot because of them. I bought a trap and will use it. I bought rat poison and will try that. I HATE them.

    A squirrel raised from baby attacked my b/f’s sister. Squirrels in russia bit a dog to death (look it up, its in the bbc news).

    And they are bastards. Every last one of them. Evil scheming creepy bastards, who aim to leap on your head from trees. Squirrels were trained by sadam hussein and his freaky sons.

    09 Oct 2007, 18:26

  56. Khris DJ

    ok, the squirrel thing was pretty funny but some of these comments was pretty retarded, like the people who were saying that they were squirrels ans stuff like that, really, get a life

    20 Oct 2007, 16:04


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