May 07, 2005

Blogger's head exploded

Michael Walker is unable to blog for the time being, for his head has exploded.

At around 4am last night whilst in his sleep, Mike's head simply blew up into tiny pieces. Doctors are still working on gluing it back together with Pritt Stick. Their initial attempts using that purple UHU stuff proved fruitless because it's crap.

It is believed the head exploded due to ridiculous levels of stress, caused by, among other things: too much work, applications and an irrational phobia of the letter G.

Should the doctors be unsuccesful there will be an auction for key parts of Mike's brain. This is what would be on offer:

  • A neurotic hopelessness when it comes to women.
  • Lots of maths skills.
  • Lots of memory space.
  • The ability to daydream for hours on end.
  • Detailed plans for global domination.

It is hoped that it won't come to this but you should bid early in order to stand the greatest chance of success.

If you're worried that you won't get your fix of 411 for a while, then even though you're clearly mad to care, fear not. Investigators have found two or three unfinished blog entries, which will be published here over the course of the next few weeks. It is also hoped that by sending electric current through a small part of Mike's brain that blog comments may be produced, however this is yet to be confirmed.

This entry was brought to you courtesy of the exploded head department at Coventry Hospital. If you wish to help Mike's plight please clap your hands and say "Mike, why did your head explode? Gosh darnit, that was very silly of you."

- 13 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

[Skip to the latest comment]
  1. I'll take the math skills – stupid revision…

    07 May 2005, 10:32

  2. Errm, i'll have the memory space please.

    07 May 2005, 10:40

  3. You actually blew your headup sleeping? Better than doing it via Photoshop I suppose. (and no that link isn't a clicky link)

    07 May 2005, 11:39

  4. come to my party as a headless person :D

    07 May 2005, 11:56

  5. damn, the maths skills and memory space are gone. Can i have the detailed plans for global domination, so that i can compare them to my own. If they are fast enough, maybe i won't have to write this bloody report

    07 May 2005, 14:19

  6. Nick takes the maths skills.
    Victoria the memory space is yours.
    Andrew, yup, global domination for you. Good luck.

    Isn't anyone concerned that I have no head anymore? You mercenaries!

    07 May 2005, 19:28

  7. I'll have the "A neurotic hopelessness when it comes to women.", it won't really bother me that much.

    07 May 2005, 21:13

  8. I'll steal you a head, Mike. I have contacts.

    07 May 2005, 21:44

  9. It's all your's Chris!

    Thanks Victoria. I'm a bit wary of who your contacts might be though. I don't fancy having a bull's head or snakes for hair or owt like that. *squints with suspiscion*

    07 May 2005, 22:19

  10. Aww, no head!

    Guess that means I get the ability to daydream for hours on end. Combined with my own ability I should never have to do anything useful ever again. Awesome.

    08 May 2005, 16:56

  11. Warren

    I thought this was supposed to be an auction? If there's a guarantee included with the maths skills ensuring that I get through and numeric test then I'll bid all of my money for them. Do accept euros?

    08 May 2005, 18:43

  12. Warren

    Do YOU accept euros, even… I'll take any proofreading skills you have too.

    08 May 2005, 18:44

  13. Well it seems I have nothing left to sell.

    However I have set up "(M)i(ke)-Tunes" – ie. all the songs that get stuck in my head. Futureheads are at number one at the moment. So sign up for hours of "oh-oh-oh-oh" on endless repeat through your mind.

    Yup I accept Euros.

    08 May 2005, 19:20

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