All entries for Saturday 26 February 2005

February 26, 2005

Mike's F1 Championship: Round 0

F1 is dull right? Wrong! Its extremely dull and donít let anyone tell you otherwise. Unfortunately there are some of us became hooked early on it in life and canít quite shake the habit. Itís a bit like heroin, you know its bad for you but if you try to give up you see babies wearing Michael Schumacher caps crawling across the ceiling. One of the problems with Formula 1 (should I be putting ďtmĒs there? Anyone?) is that the results are more or less always the same. The solution to this is to award points not based on the result but on merit, hence may I introduce to you:

The basis of it is that I get to decide who scores points – oh the power! Those of you who follow F1 will be familiar with the points scoring system. For those of you who donít (though I canít understand exactly why youíd be reading this if you donít) itís like this:

10pts Michael Schumacher
8pts 2nd place
6pts 3rd place
5pts 4th placeÖ

Down to 1 point for finishing in 8th. In my championship there will be a similar mechanism used, but with negative points for Ralf Schumacher and anyone else whom I think sucks in any given race. Seeing as my championship requires no racetrack, the first round is based on the off-season and scores are as follows:


10pts Takuma Sato Heís completely crazy. Itís absolutely fantastic. Its hard to think of a driver who tried to make more overtaking manoeuvres last year than Sato, even though sometimes you had to wonder if maybe the others had got it right (Nurburgring anyone?). Even so, if only a few more drivers tried so hard F1 would be much more exciting.

8pts Fernando Alonso Heís fast, heís young, he can do card tricks and heís the only person to ever look cool wearing a bandana.

6pts Nick Heidfeld He's shy, he's five and a half foot tall and nobody knows he's theres. He's me if I were a Formula 1 driver!

5pts Giancarlo Fisichella Hopefully Fisichellaís going to win a few more races now heís got a decent drive. I can't believe he's been in Formula 1 for nearly ten years and has only won one race, something's not right there.

4pts Mark Webber You could just about imagine him going down t'pub with his mates on a Friday night couldn't you? He's got to deserve some points for that.

3pts Juan Pablo Montoya Gets points for no other reason than I'm a fan, except maybe making Ralf Schumacher look silly whilst they were at Williams.

2pts Patrick Friesacher How long does a driver have to spend in F3000 before anyone notices them? Four years apparently, can't help when Red Bull decide they can't be bothered with you either. I reckon he's quick, glad we'll get a chance to see at last.

1pt Michael Schumacher I wanted to take ten points off him to make this more interesting by giving everyone else a head start. But then he denotes all that money to the Tsunami appeal and I didn't have the heart to do it. Damn!

-1pt Rubens Barrichello I like Barrichello, but it's a universal law that he has to finish right behind Michael Schumacher. Tough Break.

-2pts Tiago Monteiro Don't reckon he's good enough and his name's hard to spell.

-3pts Narain Kathikeyan Ditto.

-4pts Jacques Villeneuve How long ago does 1997 seem? Can't imagine Villeneuve doing much this year.

-5pts Ralf Schumacher Oh I just don't like him. Sorry to any Ralf fans.

-6pts Jenson Button Controversial, I know, but I think heís a twit. Everything was going so well at BAR that he tries to leave? I know heís British and thereís that whole thing about Besides he seems too easy going. I can imagine Schumacher having nightmares about Kimi Raikkonen holding his gaze with a cool stare, or Juan Pablo Montoya chasing after him with an axe, but I doubt somehow Jenson Button grinning idiotically has him waking up in a cool sweat.

-10pts Kimi Raikkonen You're all set to become the leading light in motor racing. So what do you do? Go out, get pissed, end up in a strip club, cuddle an inflatable toy. Way to keep the Mclaren wheels greased. Taking into account Interlagos last season I make that 2–0 to Montoya before they've even raced together as team mates.


10pts Renault Anyone who watches Top Gear will understand what I mean when I say ďWow!Ē, if you donít then tough. Needless to say Renault deserve credit for lending them the car. (incidentally, does anyone have any ideas who the current stig is? Iím dieing to know) Also this year's car looks pretty quick (cos things like that matter apparently)

8pts Minardi You canít help but love Ďem can you? Paul Stoddart's mega and they've got what I think is a pretty decent driver line up this year.

6pts Jordan What a great team they were! Four wins (albeit only one of them not in a crazy wet race) and the prettiest cars on the grid. Such a shame they had to go, though it was sad watching them slip further and further towards the back.

3pts Williams I really like their driver line up this year. I can't wait to see what Mark Webber can do, and Nick Heidfeld too. So they get points for that.

2pts McLaren I donít normally like McLaren but theyíve got such a good driver line up this year that they deserve some credit. And they have the best livery in the pitlane.

1pt Sauber You almost forget theyíre there sometimes, but they have a habit of doing surprisingly, if usually unspectacularly, well. Also Sauber means clean in German, and that canít be a bad thing.

-1pt Red Bull I was so happy that Red Bull bought Jaguar, because itíd be a bit quiet without them. Formula 1 can't afford to lose any more teams. But since then Red Bull have been so ridiculous, getting rid of Dave Pitchforth and Tony Purnell is a bad move. Also what were they doing with their driver line-up? ďWe wonít sign David CoulthardĒ, next minute heís in Barcelona testing the car. Hopefully theyíll stop messing around, but if they donít Iíll have to take more points off them (And start drinking Tesco Kick during late night revision sessions).

-2pts B..AÖ...RÖ B.A.R.ís history to date is this: BAR (I donít care if its supposed to have dots) come into F1, BAR suck, BAR get David Richards in, BAR get good, BAR get rid of David Richards, wonder whatís going to happen next?

-6pts Midland Already Jordan have been ruined, so soon after being taken over. They've signed crap drivers and just aren't fun anymore. Also Alex Snaider is newly atop of my list of "people I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley", replacing Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho. Get the feeling Jordan won't be doing quite so well as Chelsea this year though.

-8pts Toyota I really donít like this team, they cheat, they spend too much money, sack drivers every other day and just arenít fast enough. As if that werenít bad enough my Dad drives and Avensis and the seats are really uncomfortable.

-10pts Ferrari I love Ferrari, but they need a handicap otherwise this just won't be any fun! Besides if you believe everything the internet tells you, apart from being unbelievably stupid, you'll know Ferrari are to blame for everything wrong with Formula 1 at the moment (apparently).

Special Cases:

-10pts Me This is completely self-indulgent, it's utterly geeky and I ripped this idea of the great Rob Margeit and Glen Crompton on (Brilliant website by the way). But they don't seem to do it anymore so I figured I'd make my own :p

10pts Rob & Crompo Out of humility and reverance.

Driver's Championship Standings

10pts Takuma Sato
10pts Rob Margeit
10pts Glen Crompton
8pts Fernando Alonso
6pts Nick Heidfeld
5pts Giancarlo Fisichella
4pts Mark Webber
3pts Juan Pablo Montoya
2pts Patrick Friesacher
1pt Michael Schumacher
0pts Felipe Massa
0pts David Coulthard
0pts Jarno Trulli
0pts Christian Klien
0pts Christijan Albers
-1pt Rubens Barrichello
-2pts Tiago Monteiro
-3pts Narain Karthikeyan
-4pts Jacques Villeneuve
-5pts Ralf Schumacher
-6pts Jenson Button
-10pts Kimi Raikkonen
-10pts Me

Constructor's Championship Standings

10pts Renault
8pts Minardi
3pts Williams
2pts McLaren
1pt Sauber
0pts Jordan/Midland
-1pt Red Bull
-2pts BAR
-8pts Toyota
-10pts Ferrari

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