All entries for Tuesday 15 February 2005

February 15, 2005

SEX!

In a shocking discovery an anonymous scientist has found that Club Ming helps a person's chances of pulling. He made this discovery by observing students at one of Leamington Club Mirage's "kinda mediocre, but most people are so drunk it doesn't matter" events.

It is believed that the probability of someone getting to have sex on any given night is given by an explicit formula, one of the key factors in this being the amount of Club Ming on that person.

P(Normal person having sex)=3(pi)ME

P(Person called Mike with glasses having sex)=0

Where M is the amount of Club Ming on someone, and E is the number of people they've elbowed in the back on that night.

Ming was introduced to our very own union in 1982 after a group of horny Rootes residents proposed a motion at the AGM. As everyone knows students are all innocent creatures by nature, so the ming factor would explain the behaviour of people at Top Banana. A similar trend followed at all other universities in the country. The government, concerned by this debauchery, ruined public transport. Nothing dampens sexual appetite like a long bus journey.

Editorial note (remove before publication): Stop looking out the window at Gibbet Hill Road for inspiration when creating a blog entry.

This revelation about Ming may concern some people. However student's should remember that you can't get pregnant if:

  • You have sex on a bed made with sheets and not a duvet
  • The man involved uses his mobile phone alot
  • You do it upside down

For those unfamiliar with sex, here is a brief history:

  • Sex, like all evil things, was invented by evil communist scientists in 1963. They aimed to bring the Capitalist world to its knees by distracting financial big-wigs with lots of sex.
  • However it backfired and sex soon caught on. It was brought under government control in 1972.
  • In 1987 after years of trying the government finally found a way of producing babies via sex, previously they were delivered by the stork or in the case of Maths students, by monstrous devil birds. They initially tried making men give birth but this was a disaster as they spent weeks idley playing with their milk enhanced breasts, forgot to eat and ended up dying of starvation.

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