All entries for Tuesday 14 June 2005
June 14, 2005
It's going back a bit, but Jo Whiley used to have a feature called "What's in your festival rucksack?". Seeing as festival season is fast approaching, though my beloved Leeds is still a couple of months away, I thought it was time to say what's in my festival rucksack:
Lighter: I don't smoke, it's for those stadium rock moments. (And good for burning stuff, y'know, for kicks)
Crisps and snacks: Probably the healthiest thing I'll eat all weekend, let's face it a stick of lard's better for you than the stuff from those burger vans.
Torch: To avoid fuck!-who-put-that-guy-rope-there? moments.
Toilet Roll: Essential.
Stun Stick: To ease my passage through the crowds exiting the arena after the last band.
Wire Cutters: For the guitar strings of those people who try to play on the campsites. Are they hoping some industry big-wig's going to come along and say, "Hey, you've got talent kid. Here, sign this record deal"?
Radioactive suit: For those nasty portaloos.
A big bag: To catch all those freebies they force on you. Avoid the iced tea though.
Lots of belts: To offer to skater kids who's trousers are looking extra likely to fall down.
In the morning I was tracking a pupil, this meant going into a number of lessons that were completely alien to me. Including French, in which I am fluent in the following words: Bonjour, Oui and Merci. Also I was in a science lesson including some stuff exploding, neat.
As it happens the pupil I tracking was a child genius or something, but he was pretty normal – kind of like Malcolm in the Middle I guess. The French teacher told me he had an IQ of 180+ (Onehundred and Eighty!) Which is amazing.
In the afternoon I was helping invigilate an exam. Yes, it would appear I've turned to the darkside! It was kind of strange to see it from the other point of view, mostly it involved being asked for compasses or protractors. One of the teacher's advice was to just walk up and down the aisles looking stern. Stern? I'm not particularly good at stern but I tried! Unfortunately my shoes made a ridiculous clunk on the floor so I sort of grimaced every time I took a step. I tried really hard to make it as quiet as possible but the best way was walking on tip-toes which felt a bit silly so I settled for making a noise. Either way I couldn't quite manage a stern face. Oh well, quoi dis done.