All entries for Monday 11 July 2005

July 11, 2005

Earplugs are Great

Follow-up to Make Poetry History from Bloggle

Earplugs are great,
Of noise they do sate,
So I'm hard to discombobulate,
Lots of people wear them, but not a girl called Kate,
Her neighbour watched TV really late,
So Kate cut off her legs and spoiled her gait,
Using steel which was corrogate,
She ended up in A&E where she had to wait
for four hours, give or take
in a place called Horsleygate
Where Barry and Rebecca did mate,
and gave birth to a chimp who could skate,
for our heroine called Kate
and they went to the wake
of Kate's legless flatmate
who died in a crate
when stabbed with a stake
by the girl called Kate
because the noise she did hate
and could no longer wait
to get to sleep; it was late,
if only she'd realised that earplugs are great.

F411 Championship: Round 11 – British Grand Prix

I don't understand why "they" knock Silverstone so much. I like it there. I don't understand the bemoaning of it's lack of facilities. Does it have burger vans? Yup. Does it have toilets? Yup. I don't see what else they need. Perhaps there's not enough luxury amenities for sponsors, but who gives a damn about them? It's not like they fund the sport or anything.

Actually, all Silverstone would need for me to be happy would be a water fountain to fill up a bottle taken from home and some appropriately placed trees to piss against. I ain't that fussy.


James Allen got the perfect opportunity to try out a new trick with the constant requesting scores out of ten for the drivers from Martin Brundle. I’m surprised Brundle didn’t punch him; he didn’t seem particularly enthusiastic about the whole rigmarole. And he kind of boxed himself in giving drivers seven, then eight, but then realising that the driver he was now scoring was better than the sevens, but not as good as the eights. Resulting in seven and a halves and eight and a halves. Good job it wasn’t like in the eighties with thirty plus drivers trying to qualify or we could have ended up with seven and three thirtysecondses.

I was disappointed by Christian Klien and Vitantonio Liuzzi’s flat, after the build up around the dock I thought we were going to see an F1 driver living in a boat, now that would have been worth watching. Clearly this would only suit the Takuma Satos or Nick Heidfelds as I imagine Alex Wurz might have a few difficulties. Actually I imagine Heidfeld feels a bit like he’s on sinking ship as it is.

Of the other features I enjoyed seeing Johnny Herbert interviewed. It must have made a nice change for him being interviewed by Louise Goodman not ten minutes after stepping out of a smoking Jaguar, afterall that’s what his last season in F1 pretty much consisted of.

The Race

Another dullish offering. F1’s getting back to normal. I thought it was a bit of a mess with the safety car at the start, even in America I doubt they’d have put it out. Actually, who am I kidding? They’d have to put it out because Luffield corner is too tight. Didn’t they once run a whole race behind the safety car for some reason? Being back with regular TV access at home I’ve caught some of the middle of the night motorsport action. I do enjoy the IRL (Go Dan Wheldon!) but my golly is NASCAR boring. Yeah they overtake but there’s nothing to it. They just go round for a bit swapping paintwork, someone smashes it into the wall – presumably because he’s a drunken redneck – safety car. Repeat twenty times over. Finish race. Thank goodness F1’s not that bad.

Other than that it was fairly un-noteworthy. Poor Louise Goodman didn't even have anyone bug after they'd retired. She managed to nab Connie Montoya – an unfortunate lack of a visual there I thought. Tut, tut, ITV not directing well – at the end and sounded rather desperate to talk to someone. She nearly had both Jordan drivers to accost according to James Allen, who then protested "we" thought he'd retired. I'm not sure who he meant because Brundle hadn't made any comment on it. At least he didn't try to blame him for rejoining.


10pts David Coulthard
_8pts Jacques Villeneuve_
6pts Christian Klien
They were having an almighty scrap over 12th, which probably makes them the only drivers out there doing so. They deserve the points that they perhaps should’ve got if only they weren’t going so slowly.

5pts Giancarlo Fisichella: He’s cursed at the moment. I’m not sure if Renault had already switched strategy for him and Alonso at the first stop, but it’s interesting that Fisichella pitted a few laps later than Alonso at the first round of stops but was brought in earlier at the second. It makes sense I suppose seeing how they wouldn’t want Fisichella to get ahead after the second stops. I do find the team order ban a bit ludicrous. What if a team needed to switch their drivers round in the final race to win the championship? There ought to be some sort of clause for situations where one driver needs to get past because they’ve got a blatantly better sot at the title.

4pts Juan Pablo Montoya: At last he wins for McLaren. It’s taken a while but he’s starting to show some good form. I though Jim Rosenthal was about to do some freestyling when he was going through the classifications: “Juan… the Man” I was almost expecting him to follow it up with “In the Mac-La-Ran”

3pts Kimi Raikkonen: Again he was denied by a penalty. It’s getting a bit frustrating just watching it unfold, god knows how he feels himself. And it’s not as though we get to watch him scything his way through the field because it’s all in the pit stops. As far I can work out he only actually passed Ralf Schumacher on the first lap, which is fairly normal, and Alonso when their fuel levels with different. It’s not thrilling stuff.

2pts Jenson Button: Poor Jenson, in his home country yet all on his own. He made for an exciting qualifying session, it's a shame his car wasn't quite quick enough in the race. I liked his comment about the (silly) rumours linking him to Ferrari. "If Ferrari are the sixth or seventh best team next year there is no reason to be with them except for a nice company car." I suppose it'd sure as hell beat a Honda Jazz.

1pt Ralf Schumacher: Again I give Ralf Schumacher a positive score. He managed to beat Trulli, though the circumstances sound perculiar.

-1pt Michael Schumacher: I thought it was "blah" kind of weekend for Schumacher. Ultimately he probably got the best possible result from the car, but there seemed to be an edge missing somewhere.

-2pts Rubens Barrichello: A brave strategy, but it was fairly hopeless. Again he ended up behind Schumacher, when really I think he should have beaten him.

-3pts Jarno Trulli: One of his dodgy races. Given the amount of stellar drives he's had this year I suppose he can be allowed a few off colour performances.


It’s rare that the result is quite so linear but we had such a race that it was so obvious who had the best car, right down to the back. Making exceptions for reliability and pit problems we could quite easily have seen them crossing the line two-by-two. Wouldn’t that have been dull? Regardless, I’ve awarded points accordingly.

10pts McLaren: Nice to see Ron Dennis didn't protest Bob McKenzie for wearing the shoes. Perhaps he's mellowing with age.

8pts Renault: I really don't like the advert for the Megane Scenic where the joke is that the car's a dog. It ccertainly iss to look at. I wonder if that's where the advertising execs got the idea from.

6pts BAR: Sounded a strange problem with Sato, a “theoretically impossible” problem. I’ll bet that made for an interesting radio conversation:
Sato: My car has a problem.
Team: Well theoretically it shouldn’t have so keep going.
Sato: Um…

5pts Ferrari: So Ferrari "misinterpreted the regulations"? Nah, BAR misinterpreted them, the F2005 is just slow.

4pts Toyota: I'm not sure what they're trying to achieve by using the same engine three races in a row for Trulli. Why they feel they specifically need a new engine at Hockenheim is a mystery. Have they not realised that Hockenheim doesn't haave the car breaking straights anymore. Coem to think of it, they never even raced on thaat configuration! I suppose if the engine didn't need replacing then why would they? But why not? That's the F1 way after all. Waste all, want all. It's not like Toyota are hard up.

3pts Sauber: A typical Sauber race, so I can't think of anything to say about them. Even if they won it'd be difficult.

2pts Williams: They could do with sorting out the engine deal soon. I guess that's merely an empty truism, but you have to wonder what they're going to do. I'd imagine Jenson Button's feeling relieved Buttongate turned out as it did, now about that 70%...

1pt Red Bull: It’s good that they’ve signed up Coulthard for another year, clearly they need someone with a little experience to sort the team out, but how many drivers do they need? They’ve got Klien and Liuzzi already (has anyone else noticed the crazy number of power taps they give each other? This is where someone pats the other person on the back. It’s supposed to be to do with power. Politicians do it all the time. I can’t blame them for trying to make themselves look more powerful than the other), plus have their fingers in Scott Speed’s best Apple Pie, and Heikki Kovalainen is with Christian Horner’s Arden team in GP2. I’m no mathematician – no wait, actually I am – but 5 in to 2 does not go.

-1pt Jordan: I read an article about Jurgen Kolles being nicknamed Chavski for his penchant for burberrry. If you didn't hate Jordan 2005 spec, I'm sure you do now.

-2pts Minardi: A vanishing weekend, not even mixing it with the Jordans, how disappointing.

Drivers Standings
34pts Mark Webber
31pts Fernando Alonso
30pts Nick Heidfeld
29pts Giancarlo Fisichella
25pts David Coulthard
22pts Kimi Raikkonen
18pts Jarno Trulli
18pts Christijan Albers
18pts Christian Klien
14pts Takuma Sato
12pts Felip Massa
12pts Narain Karthikeyan
11pts Juan Pablo Montoya
9pts Pedro de la Rosa
8pts Tiago Monteiro
7pts Michael Schumacher
7pts Jenson Button
9pts Patrick Friesacher
2pts Vitantonio Liuzzi
0pts Rubens Barrichello
-13pts Ralf Schumacher
-22pts Jacques Villeneuve

Constructors Standings
49pts McLaren
45pts Renault
38pts Minardi
36pts Red Bull
20pts Sauber
20pts Toyota
5pts BAR
-10pts Williams
-12pts Jordan
-12pts Ferrari

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