Why the internet is better than sex
I have had no internet connection in the past 5 days and much to my dismay I ALMOST GODDAMN DIED AN AWFUL MIND-NUMBED DEATH!
I was only just pulled back from the event-horizon of doom by some heroic friends and a 4 hour trip to the pub. I owe these brave people my life. Yes you wenches, I love you all!
But back to the title, 5 days without sex does not make me want to rip people's heads off, or storm the BT customer advice call centre with a large bag of sharpened ninja stealth throwing-kippers.
However, cruel fate giveth and then cruel fate taketh away. In seven days I have to say goodbye to my computer for 8 weeks. So I can spend some "quality time" on "holiday" with my family. I'l be easy to reach afterwards though, just click the link entitled "Three found dead in southern Spain stabbed to death with sharpened seafood. Daughter implicated in the murder."
"No computer and no internet make mia… something, something…"
"Don't mind if I do! WOOooOOoo woowoowoo eeeeeeppeeeeaaaaarrrgh wrrraaaaarrrgggh!! Wooooo…"
Oh and did I mention they don't have tea or chocolate there…