June 15, 2005

Food poisoning?!

Ah no, not in this house. Not anymore…

Not with the food police in town raising awareness to the hazzards of lax hygene standards. Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you have a housemate who persistantly leaves raw chicken breasts on a plate a few cm too small, dripping yummy salmonella juice all over the table, fridge, worktop or wherever else they see fit?

  • Are you always clingfilming it for them out of the goodness of your own heart?

  • Are they stubbornly refusing to pay any attention to basic food safety even when you point it out. Every. Single. Time?

Yes to all three?
Well maybe it's time to go vigilante on their ass. Arm yourself (or David) with clingfilm, silver foil, sellotape, carrier bags and duct tape then 3… 2… 1… GO!

et voila:

Got it now? COVER THE GODDAMN DEFROSTING CHICKEN YOU WENCHES.

or is this unnecessarily harsh…?

M xxx


- 7 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

[Skip to the latest comment]
  1. Gareth

    Seems reasonable to me. What if you don't have a David to arm with thw clingfilm, etc, and are too scared to do it yourself? Will any (suitably trained) person do, or is it specifically Davids?

    15 Jun 2005, 13:21

  2. Pwnt.

    15 Jun 2005, 13:35

  3. nice one

    15 Jun 2005, 14:32

  4. Excellent!

    15 Jun 2005, 14:34

  5. To answer Gareth's question, it isn't even specifically Davids. It has to be me, although I do provide my food hygeine services at a reasonable price. Do you have any chicken you wanted mummified in duct tape?

    15 Jun 2005, 16:01

  6. Gareth

    Thanks for the informative reply, Mr David. Are you willing to spread your services over a wider range of food products? I have a rather lovely steak of Wombat in the freezer, but I wish for it to be mummified in duct tape for defrosting.

    Also, do you offer training courses in meat wrappery?

    15 Jun 2005, 17:42

  7. David Adley

    Hmm…Wombat, eh? I'v never cooked that before, I could give it a go though I s'pose. It's gonna cost you though, say £25? Or alternatively you can sign up to my course for £20 a lesson. You've missed the first ("an introduction to poultry packing"), next week's: sello- or duct-, the ultimate dilemma.

    16 Jun 2005, 16:09


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