January 01, 2007

My first rave

While I claim to be a man of the world, truth is I have had a fairly sheltered youth. Ive never been offered drugs, never done drugs, never really ventured outside of the nicer parts of London, never been mugged, never been beaten up, never got into a fight, never been in jail, and never drunk till Ive passed out.

So naturally I ended up at a rave entirely by accident. I was with a friend and the London parties were hideously expensive to get into. So he says “I know a guy who knows of a party at a reggae bar in North London”. I think “Hmm. I do like a bit of Marley” so go along with it.

The moment we get off the tube I realise I am in a really really deprived area. The people milling around the streets have either a look of intense suffering on their face or just look cold and hard. I make the mistake of looking at a guy and he starts saying “What you looking at cuz?” and gets a bit of an attitude. I placate him and say “Nothing. Im just waiting for a friend and bored. Im not looking for any trouble”. He started swearing at me trying to rile me. I just take it. He tries to push me around a bit but I just restrain him. Eventually he gets bored and says “can i have a pound to get some wings”. I give it to him and his hunger gets the better of him and he disappears into the night.

My friend’s friend shows up. He is a skinhead with a short stocky build and a goatee. But he seems nice enough and claims to be a student nurse. We make our way to this club.

It turns out to be a deserted warehouse and there is an assortment of freaks queueing up. Girls with skinheads, white men with dreadlocks, piercings all over, multicoloured hair, people who look like famine victims….I feel very out of place wearing smart jeans, a Kenneth Cole white shirt and a wool coat. I think I was something of a novelty and people kept staring at me. Well at first. After a while people were too stoned to notice.

I had a walk around and surveyed the “scene”. The music was very odd and left me feeling most bemused. Im informed it is called trance. Unfortunately I think you need to be stoned or mentally ill to appreciate it.

We went upstairs where people were “dancing”. There was no rhythm so I just copied everyone else and felt faintly ridiculous. I flailed my hands around as if I was having an epilectic fit and let my eyes glaze over and kept my mouth open and let my tongue hang out.

I saw these rooms where people were snorting cocaine and injecting themselves with needles.

I did acquire a hippy admirer. This girl with blue and green hair, bald patches, lots of piercings and little discernible body fat launched herself at me and said “Happy New Year” flung her arms around me and attempted to kiss me. I dodged the kiss and gave her my cheek. I tried to get away but she followed me around. Eventually I just said to her “Look it would never work. When we go on our honeymoon youd just set off the metal detector at the airport”.

I got bored very quickly once the novelty wore off and also felt really tired. So I sulked in the corner and ate chewitts until my friend was ready to go.

- 5 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. bigtime calijestaaa

    you sound like a wasteman bruv

    you need to learn to rave deep

    20 Jan 2007, 15:21

  2. I think thats the best reason Ive heard of why people love trance music! Great tips of how to blend into a party.

    23 Feb 2007, 17:36

  3. kelle

    oh dear!!

    get a clue

    09 Mar 2007, 17:13

  4. Such a loser

    07 May 2007, 12:13

  5. Gordo

    Whoah dude i was nervious about going to this rave but after i read that a feel completly sane as tha twas the stupidest,Idiotic way u could have made urself look Lmao

    20 May 2007, 22:59

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