April 14, 2006

Marriage

Im getting to that certain age. Friends of mine are already engaged or talking of marriage (if you are reading this Thomas dump her and we'll live together as swinging bachelors). My mother is getting to the second biological clock…when they start wanting grandmothers before they are packed off into nursing homes or go insane. My pa bless him in his advancing years wants grandchildren too. As the eldest child I am very soon approaching the age where rather than discouraging me from marriage (because you're just children) my parents are now taking an active interest in my love life (or rather the lack thereof) and starting the "Why did you break up with X" (I reply with a straight face "Because she was a total bitch" or because she is a devil woman who likes devouring men's hearts and spitting them out when they have milked you dry" depending of course as to who dumped who)...I digress

But at this relatively early age the thought of a relationship let alone marriage wakes me up in a cold sweat. But I hear you say "Love is a beautiful thing", "You just haven't met the right girl", "You haven't met the right man" "Don't you want to live happily ever after and have children to achieve immortality via passing your totally awesome genes onto your lucky descendants" or "I really…...care" or some variant of all these.

Well let me outline my case and then you can start with the insults.

Proposition 1: 50% of marriages end in divorce. Most of the ones that don't end in divorce are together only because they are staying together for the sake of the children or because they don't want to lose face. Im nothing special why should I be in the lucky x percent who are in relatively happy marriages

Proposition 2: Once you marry a girl a good percent of them will either balloon in weight, turn into a nagging bitch, or stop wearing those sexy low cut jeans and start wearing Laura Ashley dresses. While she is your girlfriend and there are few ties between you she has to avoid doing any of those things for risk of losing you.

Proposition 3: Why get the cow when you can have the milk for free? Marriage at the best of times is hard work. Even the happiest couples have arguments (the same holds for relationships to a lesser degree)...I hate conflict (unless it involves mudwrestling with beautiful women…although they could probably kick my ass). I also need loads and I mean loads of quiet time and hate responsibility of any form, did I mention Im also totally selfish and hate doing anything I don't want to do

Proposition 4: Im totally unemployable and doubt Ill be able to hold down a steady income let alone afford school fees or clothes for my wife. My father makes a six figure salary, married late so he was at his peak earning power at time of marriage and made a killing on the stock market in the 80s. But he still at the age of 70 is working a 70 hour week just because my mother (and us with school fees and uni living expenses) burn his money faster than even he can earn it. Now there is no way Im goiing to make the sort of money he's making and I doubt Im going to get much in the way of inheritance, and having been totally spoilt and got some very expensive habits by the time my needs are met there will be little left for wifey or kids and I would feel awful of not giving my family the advantages ive had (and mostly taken for granted) .

Proposition 5: There is no way I could be with one woman for the rest of my life. Im totally fickle, I fall in love with a different girl every week. Once Ive seduced a girl (read dropped on my knees, turned on the waterworks and begged her to go out with me) I generally lose interest and move on to the next challenge. Did I mention Im totally shallow and choose girls mostly on their looks and then only later find out they are invariably spoilt and bitches. Also arrogant as I am, Im pretty much regular looking and most of the beauties i fancy are totally out of my league.

The only real reason I would consider marriage is to have children and as outlined above Id make a terrible father…...so the solution?

Simple

First as the totally sexist Deeson (Agony Uncle for GQ) advises date 24 and 44 year old women but totally avoid women in their thirties as the former are in their prime and have so many options they don't tend to want to ruin their fun by getting with child. The latter barring genetic luck or expensive medical treatments generally can't get with child.

Odds are eventually Ill get some poor girl pregnant and she does not want to abort it. Then I say to her "Look babydoll, marriage isn't for me and tbh I don't love you. But I support your decision to have the child and in addition to the overly generous welfare payments you are entitled to as a single mother by our socialist government, Ill give you generous child support payments so the kid won't end up like me.

Get in a relationship with a girl (or rather get lucky!) and accidentally get her pregnant as a result of


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  1. Just out of interest,where's this 50% figure coming from?

    15 Apr 2006, 00:44

  2. Marriages end in either divorce or death. I'd steer clear Matthew…

    15 Apr 2006, 02:03

  3. In the shops the other day…
    Mum: Sarah (my younger cousin I think she's 7/8) will be asking when you and dan are going to get married when I see her next week.
    Me: Why?
    Mum: Because you're her best chance for being a bridesmaid
    Me: She'd better start working on her other girl cousins

    Later that day…
    Mum: I can't see you in a white wedding dress
    Me: Maybe black, or red, mmmm blood…

    I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED
    at best I want us to move in together and get a cat, but no more commitment than that!

    15 Apr 2006, 09:22

  4. Wow. Nobody speaking up for marriage or some form of long term commitment? I apologize in advance for how obese this comment is going to be..

    Proposition 1: hold a conversation with 1 out of 2 people out there, on average, and you'll understand why the divorce rate is 50%.. besides, many people marry for the wrong reasons (including 'mostly for looks' – they fade, 'mostly for money and comfort' – you'll never be materially satisfied but more importantly that's not the way to fulfil yourself emotionally long-term, and the classic 'mix' people trick themselves into – a mix made up of shallow reasons won't generally work out). And thirdly, so what if failure
    is possible? Isn't it better to try, once you're ready? It might be when you're 40.. My dad married late 40s.. But then I'd say you're not discounting the possibility of marriage altogether.

    Proposition 2: Well, you won't be married to Britney Spears for all of eternity, but you'll find that won't matter to you as much as everything you've shared together. You won't be able to leave her, and you won't want to.

    Proposition 3:

    bq."Why get the cow when you can have the milk for free? Marriage at the best of times is hard work."

    The hard work becomes peace and comfort, eventually. Also, you can't have the milk for free. It's very hard to mimic the love in a marriage without the commitment, I should think. It's true, marriage isn't a fairy tale. But is being a bachelor? Not having any long-lasting love with another person would ultimately destroy me, I don't know about you, but the added prospect of raising children with all the love I have to offer makes me strongly desire marriage at some point in the future.

    Proposition 4:

    bq."Im totally unemployable and doubt Ill be able to hold down a steady income let alone afford school fees or clothes for my wife. My father makes a six figure salary, married late…"

    Matt, I'd say you're totally right about giving some consideration to how incredibly expensive a family is. If you want to offer your children a good upbringing, you do need to be in a pretty stable position. But you don't need to be outright rich at all. The most important thing in a family is love. It's a cliche for a reason. And what are those expensive habits? Are they all so crucial?

    Proposition 5:

    bq."There is no way I could be with one woman for the rest of my life. Im totally fickle, I fall in love with a different girl every week."

    Well.. hey, that's normal. But you'll probably someday get sick of the old switching routine, and you'll wish you had something more substantial. You may even learn to hate good looks with nothing underneath. You're just not ready right now, but that's fine; I think our youths are stretching out longer and longer with more time spent in education, etc. Try to find a good friendships with women before you go out searching for a spouse.. It's probably more worth your time.

    bq."The only real reason I would consider marriage is to have children"

    Well, if you don't value what you would have with your wife as much as you value offspring, don't marry her. It's a joint venture (duh) and you have to be close enough to look in the same direction instead of constantly looking at each other. But it is nice to look at each other now and then. :)

    Anyway overall after all this invasive commenting, my advice would be not to expect life to be fun and roses, but not to protect yourself too much either. And ask yourself what would really make you happy in life. Maybe you're completely different from me and then none of this applies. But I believe we're all fundamentally identical. Today is cliche day, woooooo!

    15 Apr 2006, 14:20

  5. raise your hand if block quotes and you don't mix.

    [raises hand]

    15 Apr 2006, 14:20

  6. Will you marry me Olivia?

    Teasing, but Im glad you've engaged in grasping with the issues and made some excellent points. A post will be forthcoming on my expensive habits.

    Just a few rebuttals:

    1. So what if failure is possible? Well the prospect of losing half my wealth in divorce proceeding and prenups don't stand up in court. You read all the time about women who marry a man for a few years and then divorce taking divorce settlements of millions. In divorce settlements I agree some compensation is needed for a wife's foregone earnings during the marriage, child support and maintenance. But in all the cases Ive seen these are excessive. Not to mention her getting custody of the kids.

    2. Can't really argue with that but the sharing may include a preponderance of bad as well as good, and if given a choice Id rather not have fond memories of blazing arguments

    3. It is well known that the "romance, the spark the passion" dies out of most marriages and with it the hot animal sex. Even scientist have traced it to stuff like men's decline in testosterone during marriage, decreases in PEA the "chemistry" natural hormone and rise in oxytocin. Sure you may have a happy marriage and be best friends, but what I enjoy is the spark of romance, the novelty and the excitement.

    5. No doubt that may be true, and I dare say the average length of my relationships will slowly increase from 3 weeks to a few years. And my priorities may change, but even if I was to end up in a long term relationship marriage is no longer advantageous from a financial perspective or less so from a social perspective, and Im not really religious. If I am correct in thinking you are Dutch I think (and 1 may be wrong) that in your country a lot of people tend to move in with lovers have children stay together but don't have the wedding or marriiage documentation.

    6. That is a good point and from a child's perspectve having two parents who are together and love each other is best, but at the same time an unhappy marriage or even a divorce are devasting to children

    I agree with your final sentiment, but at the same time I am very risk averse (economist always are). Marriage is a big risk: the upside being living together happily ever after, the downside being a financially crippling divorce and never seeiing your kids. Id much rather have a nice bachelor lifestyle, having relationshiips of finite length, maybe having kids out of wedlock but staying friends or even lovers with the mother of my children and sharing responsibility for their upbringing.

    15 Apr 2006, 14:46

  7. If you're always gonna have sod all earnings and maintain your expensive habits with what you do earn as you say, then surely you wouldn't have all that much to lose in a divorce proceeding anyway!

    15 Apr 2006, 15:29

  8. [a good deal of throat clearing]

    1. C'mon, how often does that whole money-grabbing bitch thing really happen? Prenups protect against that, anyway. "What's yours stays yours, what's mine stays mine."

    2. hehe fond memories of blazing arguments.. I have to admit that'll never happen to me as I'm not the fighting type, also because I surround myself with people who communicate and are reasonable. The worst case scenario for me so far has been sad disagreement or confusion.

    3. Yeah supposedly 'true love' dies after 2 years, and from then on it's smooth, albeit perhaps boring, sailing. But my parents distract themselves with different forms of novelty: politics, books, travel, the arts, etc. And isn't that a better/more worthwhile/more rewarding form of novelty/type of interest? Just being the devil's advocate on this one.

    4. You missed 4. :)

    5. I am Belgian/American/Dutch, but you are right about relaxed Dutch relationships. But I don't think that's the best way to go about a serious relationship. I'm not religious, but I think some form of official commitment can be a very good idea.

    6. Yea divorce sucks for children but that's like being afraid to live because you may die at any moment.. Kind of..

    I also happen to be an economist :)
    (well… year 1 PPE but ok)
    Try weighing the risks of staying a bachelor forever against those of getting married. Risk assessment baby. Everything has risks.

    And once again, I think "having relationshiips of finite length, maybe having kids out of wedlock but staying friends or even lovers with the mother of my children and sharing responsibility for their upbringing" is a reallllllly bad modus operandi for people like me who wish for structure/certainty/commitment and undying love/friendship, but you seem to sing a different tune, so I'll leave you be. Although I'm willing to bet you'll be agreeing wholeheartedly with me 10 years into the marriage you WILL enter. :P

    15 Apr 2006, 16:42

  9. 1. Course it does, has happened to hundreds of my dad's City friends and you see it in the papers all the time too. Celebs too: Lionel Richies wife took him to the cleaners.

    2. I love arguments just not with women cos they always win, why Im partaking in this one i don't know ;)

    3. Can't I have new girlfriends…AND new books, interests etc

    4. Conceded that point to you dear

    5. Commitment reminds me of game theory and contract theory. Nuff said

    6. Your corollary doesn't work. Im quite happy to die in a freakish accent and make myself miserable. Im not so happy hurting children of mine via involving them in a painful divorce

    By the way, you're good at arguing, you should totally join Warwick Debating, I used to be President and know all the guys there, so say I recommended you, and you'll be in like Flynn

    15 Apr 2006, 17:52

  10. 1. Bah. City mice.

    2. Then I know some boys who are women.

    3. No. No, you may not have new women and books. You may, however, read about women.

    4. I just wanted you to openly proclaim this delightful but easy victory.

    5. OR you could look at commitment in a less clinical, more non-clinical way.

    6. My corollary works… You dying will hurt people around you as well. I will have one less blog to help me procrastinate.

    7. I should totally join!!1!1!!omg Is it exclusive, hence the recommendation? Or are you just being smarmy? Methinks smarm.

    :) <— necessary in this cruel blog world of epic war-inducing intent-misinterpretation

    16 Apr 2006, 01:55

  11. 1. City MEN without our hardworking bankers no companies would be able to raise the funds to grow

    2. Only in Holland ;)

    3. Yes, miss

    4. Im gracious in defeat (I get lots of practice)

    5. Ah but four years of Economics does that to one. Im now convinced all economic agents are rational and maximise their utility.

    6. Ah but dying is inevitable but I can CHOOSE not to marry/have kids

    7. Pah

    16 Apr 2006, 12:15

  12. 7. Ahh you smarmatron. eh eh eh

    16 Apr 2006, 16:10

  13. Ive got to the same phase mate, my dad is mid 70s, he's been thinking actively of dying since I was 13(9 yrs ago), and he has no faith in my brother… whos late 40s of presenting grandkids. Ok my older sister has 3 kids, but the emphasis for him, being the custodian on the family tree is continuing it. Worst luck for me!!!

    I was in a steady relationship for 3 yrs when I came to uni, I was engaged, that failed when i) i came to uni and got told to leave it or her, and ii) when she cheated on me due to the fact I was away.

    I look at it as me being saved. Ok Ive been quiet on the dating front since being at uni, but thats mainly out of choice… there are few uni gilrs who really attract me, or vice versa. Not because Im not a nice guy, Im just not an intellectual in the same way as most. But still, Ive not lost faith in the marriage system. I think the development of society is such that people too often rush into things and this is where the problem lies. Years ago, divorce rates were not so high… maybe with divorce being shunned by the church, or because people married later… but the consumer society we now live in is more orientated for people having choices. The option was there for adultery, but not one commonly occuring, and its because people were much more serious about commitment then. I think its fair that you want to give your children the same standards as you had, but the wife is important too. At best I'm a commitment-aphobe now, but if that right person comes along I see no reason why I wouldnt give it a go. You have to speculate to accumulate, and a fully thought out marriage can only accumulate good things in the long run. So what if at 80 odd one person dies? 40 yrs together shows something right? and children who grow up well… thats another plus?

    Maybe its my traditional view on things, but kids without marriage is bad. Its not an environment to breed harmony…. Ok I may sound pro-marriage but only with the right lady, and to show I'm not one sided, even if I am long winded, heres a favourite quote of mine:

    "Theres nothing wrong with the institution of marriage, but you gotta be crazy to be in an institution" Gene Simmons, alleged to have slept with over 4500 women :p

    16 Apr 2006, 21:47

  14. "speculate to accumulate" you aren't an economist by any chance (and for that matter a Keynesian!!!!!)

    Totally agree about the consumerist society. Now with online dating, Friends Reunited etc it is much easier to cheat on one's spouse.

    Uni isn't the best place for finding a future wife. Relationships tend to get very claustrophobic, and temptation is only a union bar away. I know so many people who get themselves into these university marriages (not literally) and spend all their time with the gf to the exclusion of work, societies and friends, and when they break up are left with nothing. You are best off doing loads of societies, getting good grades, developing great social skills so you can get on with all sorts of people, then kicking ass in the workplace and the girls will be queueing up to be Mrs Orritt

    Good luck finding Miss Orritt and may the Orritt clan long prosper.

    16 Apr 2006, 22:08

  15. Ive not lost faith in the marriage system. I think the development of society is such that…
    maybe we should stop looking around and look at our own lives for a change??

    and btw I spend wayyyy too much time with my boyfriend, but I'm still in two soc execs, getting decent grades and developing excellent social skills, thank you very much :) see I can be smarmy too! woo.
    also, am developing long-term relationship skills which I am quite happy to acquire.

    matt, you don't need a plan of action for your love life; you're only doing it because making a plan is fun.

    16 Apr 2006, 23:05

  16. Susan

    As someone who has been very happily married for over thirty years I can say without doubt that it has been a wonderful experience for me. I married when I was very young but wouldn't necessarily recommend that – I think we've just been very lucky. As for romance and passion dying out aftertwo years, I've never heard such rubbish, it's still going strong now. There's no rush though, you've got all the time in the world.

    16 Apr 2006, 23:39

  17. Im far from an economist Matthew, Classisist. But there you go, thats ancient values for ya!!! You should listen to Olivia though she gives good advice, you dont need to plan things, the whole enjoyment factor is that you can just go out, not planning to meet anyone and end up finding someone great. Your more relaxed and natural that way. Its a cliche but take your time, take it slow, and take it easy… things wont fall from the sky but if your worrying bout everything they are not gonna go the right way from the start.

    17 Apr 2006, 00:10

  18. I like the idea of marriage because I'm insecure. I've been in a relationship for nearly 18 months, having never had one before, and I've really found I like it. And, because fundamentally I find myself very uninteresting, and can't bear to think of being alone all the time, if I've found love, I don't want to lose it. Therefore, marriage = commitment from both sides, and I'm less likely to end up alone and bored.

    17 Apr 2006, 00:20

  19. Guy no-one is uninteresting so don't sell yourself short. And I think even Olivia will agree with me when I say you shouldn't marry a girl out of loneliness and you need to be able to be happy alone rather than always being dependent on others for your happiness.

    But don't listen to my coca cola fuelled rantings, if you love a girl and she loves you marry her.

    Olivia good you have managed to find a healthy balance.

    And yeah plans are fun and speculating about the future sure as hell beats calculating partitioned inverses of negative semi definite nonsingular matrices.

    17 Apr 2006, 00:35

  20. Anonymous

    As a bitter, long-term singleton who hasn't even succeeded in asking a girl out without getting a slap in the face, I have few – if any qualifications to comment on this thread. Though looking at many of my friends does allow me to share some observations.

    It is clear that those of my friends who are married are far more comfortable and confident in each others company than those who are simply living together. In the case of the latter, I sense that often the people concerned are on edge, still eager to impress their other half, whereas in the former, both partners seem to be at ease in each others company, and conseqently much happier as a result. In some cases, I've seen the transition from one to the other. To some, it may only be a piece of paper, but it is clear that to those involved, marriage is a change in a way of life.

    At the same time, I think it is important to evaluate the factors which will keep a couple together. I can think of one couple who broke off their engagement after having lived together for eight years because they could not agree on whether or not they wanted children…

    For those of you who are faced with these questions – to marry, or not to marry, to have children, or not to have children – think yourselves lucky. Some of us fare so badly in the human race that we don't even have the option. :-)

    18 Apr 2006, 01:08

  21. Anonymous

    Oh yes, forgot to say – notwithstanding the fact that this is Matthew's blog, I am more with Olivia on this one than you Matthew…

    18 Apr 2006, 01:14

  22. Anonymous. Sure marriage has a bit more stability (mostly because although people have more to lose if it fails the relationship is less likely to fail…...more to lose, more invested in the relationship, the legal proceedings). But look at people who are divorced compared to those who have just broken up with a girlfriend. The former are more likely to be depressed, in financial difficulties and battered by the legal proceedings. And if you are in an unhappy relationship you can just break things off. If you are in an unhappy marriage and these are more common than you would believe….you either have to face a lengthy divorce proceeding with custody of kids and money at stake or hang on in despite the fact the girl/man you married is not the girl you thought you were in love with and you have discovered you are fundamentally mismatched.

    Of course these risks are minimised if you don't get married to early, are friends as well as lovers with the person, both share religious beliefs, are well off enough to avoid financial difficulties and are prepared to MAKE the marriiage work. But lets be realistic not all people are as smart and pure of heart as Olivia. I am not totally against marriage and I agree they can work. And sure if you want to gamble on it working (although I don't believe the odds are amazing) then go for it. Im just sayiing personally Id rather not risk it.

    One final thing, anonymous keep that chin up. Sure you may have had bad luck with the ladies in the past and believe it or not Ive been slapped by a fair few girls (although Im sure I deserved it more than you) but you are the result of billions of years of evolution and all your ancestors found mates so so will you. Ill bet you'll eat your words one day and be forced to deciide between hordes of girls clamouring for your heart.

    18 Apr 2006, 02:23

  23. Marry for love. Never get married because someone wanted you to or you thought it would make them happy.

    18 Apr 2006, 10:49

  24. I would very much like a long term fuck buddy! That way I get to be with someone 'special' for an extensive period of time and get the 'milk' without having to milk the cow! Marriages shouldn't be forcefed to people, like cheesecakes. My dear mother asked me the other day:"Are you in a relationship? Girls of your age should be! What's wrong with you?!?!!?!?" What's wrong with parents?

    18 Apr 2006, 16:37

  25. :-o
    :-)

    apparently I'm 'smart and pure of heart', that somewhat brightened up my very shitty day.
    Irony, when you hold us— day is shitty because newly returned boyfriend is being highly sulky and reclusive.
    sigh.

    :/

    18 Apr 2006, 18:21

  26. Meh. Families always ask awkward questions, Alex. If you're single it's 'Why haven't you got a boyfriend? Are you some kind of freak?', if you've got a boyfriend it's 'when are you getting engaged?' when you're engaged, 'when's the wedding?' when you're married 'when will we have some grandchildren then?'

    And so on.

    (shakes head)

    I wish people would stop asking me why I'm still single. It's annoying.

    18 Apr 2006, 21:11

  27. Graham

    You're all totally lacking in anything approaching decorum. You have had fun at another human beings expense. Now get over it with all your strupid melodrama.

    19 Apr 2006, 19:05

  28. anonomous

    Strupid yourself.

    19 Apr 2006, 23:50

  29. Oh dear Graham we are righteous. We are just discussing an issue that is on most student's minds as our friends get engaged left right and centre. Now if people from outside the blog system or those too scared to share their full name can't say something constructive or in your case relevant ill be forced to restrct this blog to staff and students

    20 Apr 2006, 00:08

  30. Graham

    Okey Dokey

    20 Apr 2006, 23:15

  31. Laura

    I don't think marriage is the issue here. It's the connotations that come with the word. Personally, I'd love to get married one day. The part that scares me, is the thought that I'll have a marginly successful job, with a husband on a (who will obviously be on a larger wage) and be living in a detached 4 bed house on a a new suburbian housing estate. I'll take maternity leave, but never really go back to work. I'll maybe work part-time after a year or two. Then they'll be 2 kids, maybe a dog and a garden with a shed. And a mortage. On saturdays we go on day trips to Stratford and take walks by the canal (which is very relaxing).
    I'm sure i've pinned alot of people's (or their parent's) lives down in that paragraph. However…
    What's exciting about that? No wonder so many marriages end in divorce, i'd rather kill myself than have a life that mundane.

    21 Apr 2006, 20:29

  32. Sounds like you've been watching too much "Desperate Housewives" Laura ;)

    21 Apr 2006, 20:38

  33. Sarah

    Laura, it all ceases to be mundane if you're with someone you really love.

    21 Apr 2006, 23:22

  34. Good back and forth 'tween Olivia and Matthew there. Oh I suppose I should say something vaguely on topic. I want to have a family and hence I think I'm going to have to get married. I have about 6 years of 'socialising with the opposite sex in a way that might lead to relationships' to catch up on though. Almost all my friends are boys and I don't treat girls differently from them – that is, "LISTEN MISS, sometimes 'can I borrow a pen' means 'can I borrow a pen' not 'I fancy you but am pathetic' ".

    22 Apr 2006, 22:34

  35. Meh. Families always ask awkward questions, Alex. If you're single it's 'Why haven't you got a boyfriend? Are you some kind of freak?', if you've got a boyfriend it's 'when are you getting engaged?' when you're engaged, 'when's the wedding?' when you're married 'when will we have some grandchildren then?'

    This is so true. For the entire of school and University life (bar two short 3/4 month flings) I remained a singleton. What was wrong with me? Well, I chose not to enlighten my family with my one night antics so they must of assumed I was gay or similar. Now I'm in a "proper" relationship questions about the engagement are flying around….. not least from the bride to be!

    Thanks to the carnage that is MY family, my Father already has grandchildren (6 months & 4 years) so seems happy for now. My Mother on the other hand is going to start applying all her pursuasive powers some time soon. I don't stand much chance as the girl in question is exceptionally brudy.

    Dammit.

    25 Apr 2006, 17:15

  36. Hello, didn't read all comments so apologies if I repeat/slander anyone.
    Basically, I NEVER want to get married. This comes from living with my parents, who cannot have a normal conversation with each other. They just shout, and throw things.
    I also NEVER want to have kids, which comes from living with my brother, who's 10 years younger than me. I would make a shit mother, and will never be earning enough to support said kid.
    My mum said to me recently 'I'm not going to get any grandchildren from you, am I?' I replied that she shouldn't see it as my obligation to provide her with grandchildren anyway, and since I have two brothers who may decide to have kids (shudder), it shouldn't matter.
    If you want to be in a long-term relationship with someone, fine, but why get married? If you were just 'living together', you'd have much more flexibility to move on if something goes awry. It's only because marriage is a legal contract (why?) that we need divorce, and all the messy bits that go with it.
    I shall be the crazy woman who lives with lots of evil cats. Better than living with some demanding bloke and a load of screaming brats.

    25 Apr 2006, 19:20

  37. CONNIE

    MARRIAGE ISN`T ALL THAT, TAKE YOUR TIME. YES MAYBE MOM WANTS A GRANDCHILD, AND MAYBE DAD WANTS YOU TO SETTLE DOWN, BUT LETS LOOK AT THE OVER ALL PICTURE.( WHO`S LIFE IS IT ANY WAYS?) YOU SOUND YOUNG, AND THERE IS A BIG WORLD OUT THERE. WHY NOT GO FIND IT. MAYBE SOME WHERE DOWN THE PATH THAT YOU TAKE. YOU MEET YOUR MISS RIGHT. DON`T BE IN A HURRY, DO WHAT YOUR HEART TELLS YOU TO DO,
    IF YOU ARE GOING TO SCHOOL, THEN FINISH. BE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE. THERES NO GOLDEN RULE THAT SAYS YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT MOM AND DAD DID, JUST BE YOU. AND YES PEOPLE DO CHANGE. IF THERE CHANGE IN THE AIR, THEN I`LL BET YOU BOTTOM DOLLAR, SOME ONE ON IT. FOLLOW YOUR HEART, YOU`LL BE SURPRIZED HOW MUCH HAPPIER YOU`LL BE, TRUST I DID.

    27 Apr 2006, 22:06

  38. Koroosh

    Who's this Thomas you're talking about?

    30 Apr 2006, 05:20

  39. Thomas is Tommy Cock a great friend of mine, his blog is on my favourites and is called fundamentally with stupid. We were inseparable last year but now he works for "Swinging Star Productions" which he claims is not a blue movie company.

    30 Apr 2006, 12:13


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