All entries for Thursday 31 March 2005
March 31, 2005
Despite my best intentions to go to bed for the first time before midnight…..I was aroused by slumber with a knock from a friend in my corridor, and he persuaded me to go on one of our midnight walks….followed by the obligarory stop off at Tesco….well i cannot sleep now and am not in the mood for work….oh dear….major sign of addiction is justifying it to yourself….what the hell…i feel like blogging
So here is a gloriously indulgent, absolutely tongue-in-cheek, and lengthy and verbose blog entry…..i am away on holiday for a week but will probably take that long to read it…..enjoy!
Anyway, I digress….onto my theme for today…which is life after university….
I have spoken to many people who are filled with trepidation at the thought of leaving university and having to decide what they want to do with their life. Luckily I am somewhat of a lifestyle guru and a good Samatarian, so I am always ready to give them the benefits of my life experience and general wisdom beyond my years…..I also feel that the medical blood in the family has rubbed off on me, except rather than helping people deal with physical illnesses I help them deal with emotional and spiritual malaise…..Anyway here is my prescription for the "What the hell do I do with my life blues"
WATCH THE GRADUATE
Unfortunately a lot of you will follow this prescription yet fail to absorb the deeper meaning of "The Graduate" and fail to see how you can apply its lessons to your own life…Well let me explain all…..
The posters for the Graduate have the following slogan
"This is Benjamin. He's a little worried about his future"
Now like Benjamin, I am sure you are all feeling a bit apathetic. Once you graduate I will not be surprised at all if you wonder what the point of it all is. You don't feel like going into the corporate treadmill of 9–5 in the office, marriage and kids. The life your parents want for you, and the life you spent working towards (working hard to get top grades etc….....) seems distinctly unappealing. In Ben's words…...
"I guess…I am a bit worried…about my future…I want it to be ….different"
What better way to spice up life and take your mind off your troubles than a highly inappropriate affair with a mother and her daughter? This is the main lesson from the Graduate…and one which should be followed by all men placed in similar disturbed mental states.
In the typical dark irony that is typical of this wonderful film, right after Mrs Robinson entices Ben up to her room and propositions him, Mr Robinson offers Ben the following friendly advice that all young men graduating from university should follow:
"So I hope you won't mind my giving you a friendly piece of adviceI think you ought to be taking it a little easier right now than you seem to be…Sow a few wild oats, take things as they come, have a good time with the girls and so forth…You have yourself a few flings this summer. I'll bet you're, you're quite a ladies man…You look to me like the kind of guy who has to fight 'em off"
So there you have it. The solution to post-graduation apathy and worry about the future…...
Sorry to my female readership if this post is very much male centred…but if you want to know how to seduce a man, then study carefully Mrs Robinson…who is an expert…this could be the topic of a long post in itself…but to keep it brief:
1. Make it so that it would appear rude for your victim to refuse you…
e.g. "Do you find me undesirable?"
2. Take advantage of your experience and his lack thereof to question his virility and make him want to prove himself to you, through embarking on an affair with you.
"On your first time if you're afraid of being inadequate…." for benjamin to refuse would make him seem like a coward…
NOTE ALSO that Mrs Robinson brushes aside and ignored Ben's real reasons for rejecting her…he thinks it is morally wrong to sleep with the wife of his dad's best friend….and insinuates it is because he is sexually inadequate, does not find her desirable, or afraid….....all labels which he is keen to disprove
3. Honesty is the best policy. When all else fails, resort to the old fashioned proposition or pass..
Mrs. Robinson: Benjamin. I want you to know that I'm available to you, and if you won't sleep with me this time… I want you to know that you can call me up anytime you want and we'll make some kind of an arrangement. Do you understand what I.said..?
So there you have it ladies, three steps to seduce any man, no matter how uninterested he seems initially….