All entries for Friday 18 March 2005
March 18, 2005
Thanks to Sam for his excellent entry on this subject. I agree completely with his advice, buit thought I would add some tips of my own.
1. Never ever try and win an argument with a woman. They don't use logic and don't fight fair and resort to character attacks. I am President of the Debating society yet have never won an argument with a girl.
When you sense an argument starting, avoidance is the best strategy, such as saying something like "I am wrong, you are right" and agreeing with everything she says. For example:
Me: Margaret Thatcher is a modern day saint
Her: I hate margaret thatcher, she is evil. Conservatism is wrong, communism is right
Me: I am wrong you are right. How misguided I have been all these years. Thank you for pointing out the error of my beliefs. I will destroy my Margarent Thatcher figurine and erect a red flag in my room.
2. When she wants something give it to her. It will save time in the long run, as it will save her having to use emotional blackmail and guilttripping you or slagging you off to her friends.
THE WRONG WAY
Her: I want a pretty handbag
Me: Tough, I am not made of money
Her; YOu are a rubbish boyfriend. I am going to dump you and sleep with the nearest man in sight to get back at you. By the way I still remember the time you cheated on me, but I forgave you, and do I get any gratitude, NO! Oh and by the way you are rubbish in bed.
THE RIGHT WAY
Her: I want a pretty handbag
Me: Anything for you, apple of my eye (hastily considers whether I can remortgage my house or get another loan)
3. Learn to pretend to listen. This is achieved via strategic use of hmmm, really?, go on, tell me more, tell me how you felt,..........Never attempt to solve women's problems or offer advice as they will throw it back in your face and ARGUE with you (refer back to tip 1)
4. Never look at another woman in her presence. Trust me she will catch you and get mad at you. Even if the woman is only a friend, she will still be offended that you are checking out other women in her presence.
TO BE CONTINUED
Here are some simple rules which if followed will increase your masculinity and make you more attractive to the opposite sex:
2. Don't call ever
3. Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal such as Matt Junior
4. Be as ambiguos as possible. If you don't want to answer something a grunt will suffice
5. Always remember. I am a man, therefore no matter what, it isn't my fault
6. Never ask for help. Even if you really need help-don't ask. People will just think you have no penis
7. Vanity is the most important trait a man can have. Whenever you pass a mirror check your reflection, your hair, your clothing.
8. Tell her you will call then refer back to rule no2
9 Deny everything. Everything
10 Feelings? What feelings?
11. Every sentence anyone says can be contorted to have some sexual meaning. Do so!
12. Love is not in your vocabulary. Don't even think of saying it
13. ALWAYS apologise. NEVER mean it
14. You are male therefore you are superior
15. Don't ever notice anything
16 Basic rule of dating; Quantity not quality
17 Basic rule of sex: Quantity IS quality
18 If you cheat on a girl but noone finds out technically you are doing nothing wrong
19 Women are your napkins. Use them then throw them away
20 When you tell a girl about your past it is good to say "God, I was such a stud back then