February 01, 2005

Stupid questions

I mean questions which make you think "Why did they bother to ask that?"

Sometimes I wonder why people bother asking them.

I feel a song going off

I found my walkman a couple of days ago. So I started looking through my tape collection. I found this one [I feel a song going off – Marty Feldman] in there, put onto cassette from a recording my dad made off the radio onto his reel-to-reel tape deck before I was born. It is a true classic [What else could it be with songs such as "Is it wrong to love an elephant"?]

Dude; I love you!

Yesterday was one of those days when I was filled with love for all humankind [enjoy it while you can, puny mortals – it won't last long]

First of all, I had a dream in which I was happy, and when I woke up, I was. Despite this being quite early and being woken by my housemate guffawing to something on the telebox. And going back to sleep, and waking up again later than I had intended to. Then came caffeine shot 1. Then on to campus, to the wrong lecture theatre, to the right lecture theatre and eventually home via age concern [the cool thing that they had last week hadn't been sold yet, so I bought it] and Somerfield [for coffee and hubba bubba]. Let's face it – there is no point buying coffee if you're not going to try it. Hence caffeine shots 2 and 3. And a sugar rush. A quick steak sandwich and then off to rehearsal. Which was dull as anything as about half of it was practising a bit we don't play in. So we sent the boy out for Haribo, which livened it up a little. Then to the bar. Which was good. Then to Top B. Which was also good. Then to the bus. There were lots of seats when I joined the queue, but somehow I got distracted [:-)] and by the time I got on, I had to sit in the luggage bit. To the person who was half sitting on me: Don't sweat it. And then home, to find that my housemate wanted to get rid of the rest of his vodka [about of a bottle]. Feeling as I was, I was not going to turn down a friend in need and thus volenteered to help him. Hence going to bed after 4 and waking up at 7:30 with an urgent need to empty my bladder. Anyway, moral of the story is that I'm either still pissed or still high on life. Either way, the time to hit me up for money is now.

January 31, 2005

The upcoming elections

I have tried many different voting strategies over the years. This year, I'm going for a simple method:

I'm going to vote for whoever people tell me to.

There is a subclause to this rule:

Confliction. If I happen to be told to vote for two different people, the winner will be the one with the more persuasive arguement. This also includes the "I really don't like you" case, when I will have deemed that RON supplied a better arguement.

Let the fighting for my affection begin…

Are women like busses?

My granddad used to say "Women are like busses – you miss one and there'll be another one along in a minute" [Actually, he probably still does as he's not dead yet]

Sometimes I wonder how close the analogy is. As I know little about women [does any man?] I shall write down what I know about busses and let you make your own minds up.

Busses are always late
You always get the feeling that you're paying more than it's worth
Busses always seem on the verge of breaking down
You wait for ages and then 3 come along at once
It's rubbish when there is not a bus when you want one
I go to sleep on them

Any conclusions or other comments?

January 30, 2005

Answering my mail

As it is nearing the end of January, I have looked back over what I have written over the last month and realised that there were some comments which I did not reply to at the time. I would like to address a representative sample of these:

On 24 January 2005, 17:15, Mark Jarvis Fan wrote

I always look forward to reading the Jarvism. Don't you? It's very good.

First of all, I would like to applaud Mark Jarvis for gaining such a loyal fanbase. In reference to the issues raised, I would have to say that I enjoy reading the latest blog entries, but must admit that I do not make a particular effort to read the Jarvism over any other blog.

On 25 January 2005, 16:12, Jack Topley-Kingman wrote

Hi Arthur, have you read any work by Mark Billingham?

I must admit that while the name sounds familiar, I cannot think of any piece of his work that I have read. I would also like to point out that Arthur is my surname, thus I should be referred to as "Mr. Arthur"

On 28 January 2005, 10:50, Grogger wrote

Is this The Jarvism? It's very similar.

No, this isn't the Jarvism. I believe you want to go here for that. Any similarity that you may have seen between this blog and the Jarvism is purely co-incidental.

On 28 January 2005, 18:34, Mrs. Jarvelator wrote

This isn't The Jarvism. You lied

I never claimed that this was the Jarvism, thus I did not lie. Thus, ironically, you did.

On 29 January 2005, 17:02, Wayne Rooney wrote

Ridiculous, this is no match for The Jarvism

I am sure that Mark Jarvis is as pleased as I am that you enjoy his work. I would like to point out that I am not in competition with him, and thus the news that you prefer his blog is of little importance to me or my work. I would, however, like to thank you for taking the time to provide feedback.


I've just got back from visiting home. My cousin is visiting from Australia so I was dragged back to be shown off. Sometimes I hate being a trophy child.

And what part of our glorious country did we show him? Stratford. That's right. I go all the way home. We go to Stratford. I don't have my stuff with me, so I have to go back home with them. At home I am forced to cook dinner. Then I come back here [with stuff]. Great.

Break it to fix it

Wardrobe door a bit dodgy.
Kick wardrobe door a little too hard.
Wardrobe door buckles.
Unbuckle wardrobe door.
Wardrobe door not quite so dodgy.

January 29, 2005

There are two types of people in this world…

…those who categorise people into two catagories, and those who don't.

I really wish I could remember where that quote is from. Note to self: buy book of quotations.

Anyway, the philosophy that I'll be trying to follow today is:
Do you care enough to actually do something about it? [not just plan to do something, but actually do it]
yes – Do it then
no – Then this issue doesn't matter to you

'Scuse me while I kiss this guy

This week i have mostly been listening to music. A lot of it was yoinked from my brother's collection so some of it is stuff I've not heard before [or at least not often]. Some random thoughts about some of it:

The title of this entry is, obviously, a misquote from Hendrix's "Purple Haze"

I didn't used to like the Dave Matthews Band. Now I do.

To the best of my knowledge, I have never broken a little girl [If you are or were a little girl whom I have broken, please get in touch so that I can update my files], thus I have a bizarre mental image of Bob Dylan sitting in a lab, breaking people until he has enough experimental evidence to say that the subject of the song "Just Like a Woman" does, indeed, break like a little girl.

Elvis speaks to me. No – this isn't a tabloid cover story. I just always feel deeply emotionally touched by the song "You Were Always On My Mind

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