All entries for November 2004

November 30, 2004

Depressives of the world unite.

Just thinking of exactly how many of these blogs seem to be about depression and related issues.

Just seems like a good place for us all to wallow in a pool of our collective self-loathing. Or possibly help each other lose the endless feeling of isolation.

Also, (if you haven't already) try the counselling service. Can't garantee it'll help, but it's "improved" me a little.

Mouth flavours

I'd just like to note that despite cleaning my teeth, the flavour from a boiled sweet I had earlier is still in my mouth, and it tastes like arse. Usually I wake up after a night out convinced that someone has crapped in my mouth, but tonight I'm going to bed in that position.

Tonight's thoughts of randomness

Follow-up to Random thoughts that occurred to me last night from Michael - Dutiful Bandsaw

Here are the things that occurred to me tonight in a strong enough way to make me virtually write them down on my phone. In some cases I've added explainations of why I thought of them (although not explanations of how I thought of the thoughts)

Attraction within tribe? New evidence suggests so.
[long story. Too long to explain here. Whole socio-biological theories at work]

Re: the thought from earlier [not written down]. Is the next step a hug from behind and a kiss behind the jaw?
[Follows from an earlier thought]

This is one of those moments when I'm glad I don't have people's phone numbers
[Came from a strong desire to send a text saying merely "ignore me – I'm drunk"]

Go for [name deleted]? She does have the build.
[Pretty self explanitary, I feel]

Ode to girl behind me on the bus:
You lean on my shoulder,
On my neck;
Your hair tickles my ear.
I don't know who you are,
Yet I'd be happier if you never stopped.
[seems I was feeling the need for physical contact at this point. I am, unfortunately, a pretty physical guy and thus the need for actual closeness is present at all times (hence me being a hugger)]

November 29, 2004


Perhaps it would be more accurate to say self-perception. It is a topic I am interested in, yet find it difficult to gather data due, I must confess, to my own inhibitions. I find it difficult to say something which effectively boils down to "do you know that you're really ugly" to people. And on the other end of the scale, I'm not sure how to say "do you know that you're really pretty" without having it taken as a come-on.

Weird dreams

Not sure if it's a byproduct of my close encounter (see other blog post) but I had a weird dream. Fortunately I realised that it was a dream and so woke up. But what tipped me off? Was it the fact that (in the dream) I still lived in Witney? Was it the fact that I was in a minibus, yet didn't take a minibus home? Was it the fact that the minibus was white (as opposed to the blue one we were using yesterday)? Was it the fact that the interior of my house had been replaced by a giant arts-and-craft workshop? No. It was the fact that in my dream I had a bottle of lucozade, yet in real life I considered buying one, but got lilt instead. This kind of glaring inconsistancy is the kind of thing I notice.

Bloody aliens

When my housemate told me that the first question on one of the job application forms he filled out was "are you pregnant or likely to become pregnant?" I laughed.

Today I am not. I woke up with an abdomen so swollen that I had to lie on my side as it pressed down too heavily if I lay on my back. Also suprisingly large yet firm breasts. And, of course, feeling fairly queasy (which I can only conclude is morning sickness). As I am a male who has been fairly unlucky in lust over the last few months, I can only conclude that somewhere between the bar and curryhouse and my house I was abducted and artificially inseminated by aliens.


They kick ass.

Seriously, dude. Apologies in advance for amny typos as I may be heading towardds tipsiness, but got "the best of T-rex" album for a mere £3.97. And it is well worth it

e–mails I nearly sent

First one of many to my parents:

Glad to hear that you're coming to the concert on thursday.
FYI. Hannah is just the new Beth but more so (a reference even my psychiatrist won't get – and yes I have been seeing a psych for nearly a year now. How little do you know about your little boy now…)

[addendum: Looking back at this in the cold harsh (oh, so harsh) light of sobriety, I'd have to say that the reason I'm most glad that I didn't send this is that it is not entirely factually correct. I am seeing a counsellor, not a psychiatrist. It's much the same, but with less talk about my mum. Also, I don't believe that the "the same but more so" sentiment is really indicitive of the situation as a whole, merely of some aspects. The fundamental dynamic is very much different, as are my emotive responses]

November 26, 2004

Random thoughts that occurred to me last night

Just transferring some of the messages I left myself last night into a more permanent form. In chronological order of them occurring:

I couldn't hack it as an amish

Is all I want just to star in a pop video?

I don't like using words

I SO need a dictophone. But do I £35 need one?

My ears just popped and I immediately cheered up. Coincidence?

November 23, 2004


Not only is today Tuesday. That is 9–7 with only 1¾hrs off. It's also 5 days before the Leam contest, and thus by the 5-day-diet rule is a veggie day. That stops the whole "chicken fillet wrapped in bacon with a sweet honey and mustard suce" thing I had planned. Oh, well. Lunch & dinner should be OK, but what am I to do for breakfast?

November 2004

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