January 06, 2005

Things I meant to say today

Having been hit by an inspiration on the bus (It's OK - it didn't hurt) I have been hit by the momentary need to confront a certain problem that I have. Namely, that I tend to think things in rapid succession and thus I think of later things before I can explain the earlier things, but the later things don't make any sense without the earlier things. Therefore, here is a [partial] list of things I've thought in the last couple of days.

Trust. A long time ago I realised that I found it hard to trust people. From that, trust attained a reverential state. It became symbolic of many other of my desires. I have now come to finally accept that there are forms of trust which are not part of that supreme and unobtainable ideal. Not partial trust, but full trust in a limited range of subjects [there is a difference, even if it is hard to explain]. And I have come to realise that there is someone whom I trust with things I have never told anyone before.

Honesty. From realising that I trust someone, I felt the instictive need to tell them something. There are many things I could have chosen, and I dare say I'll mention at least one of them later. But could I be completely candid? Could I be completely honest? Dare I risk saying things which could offend them? Dare I say things which I have thought about them? I'm afraid that I cannot tell.

P.I.E. This doesn't follow directly, but it's something which I'm not entirely sure that I can relate fully to someone I do not trust. It is a thought which, although not thought for the first time today, was today given the semi-humorous name.

I'd just like to finish by adding one of my many phrases-I've-wanted-to-say-but-never-will. "Of course you think I'm hot – Didn't you feel me earlier?

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