June 25, 2012

Follow–Up 2: From ‘knowing the way to learn’ to ‘Making the Choice to learn’

Follow-up to P2 Becoming More Assertive from Melvin's blog

Follow-Up 2: From ‘knowing the way to learn’ to ‘Making the Choice to learn’

Having nearly a month to implement all I learnt as well as focus on action potentials, I have experienced both good and bad points. I can truly say I have changed as a person in my approach to people, from the reserved individual to someone who is not afraid of voicing their opinion, but with diplomacy.

Key in implementing these techniques were the groups works that I had mentioned, where there were times others wanted to do a certain subject and I voiced my opinion and made sure it was heard before the decision was made.


The posture was an area I have been good at maintaining. Adding to that I have ensured I got out of my protective bubble to talk to new people. The prospect that each person is AGGRESSIVE/ PASSIVE at different times and under different circumstance was clear to me following some of the group work sessions we had. There were moments when others with really strong personalities took control of the group and dictated the work. Personally I hated this idea and through discussions ( maintain a group posture, eye contact ) I tried to exude some authority emphasising the need for everyone’s opinions. However, I noticed there were moments when I became really annoyed and having worked for longer than others, when other members decided that rather than them writing up the report, I do (as I’d be more aesthetically pleasing). I finally was able to ‘SAY NO’, something I always had a problem to do. Always previously being a YES person to everyone, thus not looking out for myself, this was a big change. It felt very different, as if I was in control and thus building my confidence. I made sure my saying NO was not rude but diplomatic by persuading everyone to input their bits into a document, whilst I take a well deserved break, after which I will compile it. Explaining to them what I can do for them and cannot do right now, as well as emphasising that we discussed who will take responsibility on each task. If they have problems we discuss and solve the issues as a group rather than me being the only problem solver, as in the past individual problems from a member concerning work would be tackled my only me. This would become a problem if the member had a strong personality, as in the case of the last module I had it was an issue. The person would come to me with the idea or issue and when I critique it they would get personal if I didn’t agree. Thus trying to be ASSERTIVE, I would pick out good points of the idea and the bad. If the person still wasn’t listening I called in a group discussion to critique it, rather than me doing it alone as with an AGGRESSIVE personality there is only so much you could explain ( as in this case the personal always took it personal).

This was a firsthand experience of understanding that AGGRESSIVE/ PASSIVE are traits that human beings elicit at different points. Thus I also understood the need to be ASSERTIVE, as clearly me being aggressive (even though I would be right in doing so) would not be positive for the group and would build a very negative image amongst the group members as well as affect the credibility of any opinions I made and cause loss of interpersonal respect.

Verbal communication is an area I’m still working on, as I have not mastered the techniques of the ’Voice, Intonation and Semantic SYSTEM’. Sometimes I have used it whilst talking, and have seen the image it reflects of myself, being calm, collected& stable. Thus, is still an area I’m working on as I’m key to implement it and thus the image it reflects. A key victory I really want to mention is the restoration of communication with a person who I had a problem with, following a misunderstanding 2 months ago. She didn’t talk to me previously unless needed to, even though the issue was with the other members in the group, not me. Through the use of ASSERTIVE measures especially the posture and using ’Voice, Intonation and Semantic SYSTEM’, she speaks with me and has increased over the past month.

On key area I’ve thoroughly improved on is ‘Leaving previous grievances out of the conversation’. This has improved my psychological mindset in being more emotionally stable and thus being focussed in generating an Assertive and critical argument or on the other hand having a thoroughly stimulating conversation with someone and generating the correct impression. The benefits of something I have seen during my interactions with people and with the increased interactions people have had with me compared to before I protruded an ASSERTIVE NATURE.

Therefore, being able to reap fruits of BEING ASSERTIVE I aim to develop the lacking areas , especially verbal communication and thus my SELF-CONFIDENCE. A general but very important trait is that now I express my opinions or feelings more. It feels really really really good, as if I am free to express who I really am.


Best Regards

Melvin Jose

- One comment Not publicly viewable

  1. Beverley Veasey-Walshe

    Hello Melvin
    A full and reflective blog. You clearly show that understanding and applying the principles of assertive behaviour takes time and the progress wil be uneven. This is natural and to be expected. Also – as assertive behaviour is a choice, you will find the behaviour becomes easier, but, making the choice is sometimes going to be difficult. I think the results are the reward for remaining calm, being respectful and listening, relationships improve so much.

    I look forward to reading your next blog

    02 Jul 2012, 15:01

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