A Gold Fish's Account of the Previous Story
He hasn’t fed me today. What a bonehead. He’s been sitting in that chair for hours now. I wonder what he’s doing. Who cares? Not me; I don’t care. I just want to be fed, and maybe have this tank cleaned a bit too. You know, he used to clean the tank nearly every other day—not now. He even used to talk about getting some of those algae sucking fish. I wasn’t so sure about the idea before, but now it doesn’t sound so bad. Boy, they’d have a ball in here. Nope, it’s not like it used to be.
What is he doing? Maybe he’s dead. No, he’s not dead. He moved his arm a second ago; at least I think he did. It’s hard to see in here. Maybe he is dead. Even if he was, what difference does it make? I don’t care either way. I don’t need him. I’ve got everything I could possibly need right here in this tank.
I can’t believe he’s dead. I wish I could’ve said goodbye. Should I pray for him? I should. It’s the least I can do—after all he’s done for me. I can’t believe he’s dead. Alright here it goes. Dear God, today we mourn the loss of Bob. He was a good man—a man who cared about fish. I loved Bob, but in your infinite wisdom you took him. Why!? Why did he have to go so soon!? I’m sorry, I get emotional. It’s just so hard.
What should I do? This tank is so lonely. I can’t go on. I’ll end it right now. That’s what Bob would’ve wanted. Don’t worry; I’m coming, Bob! Shoot, how am I going to do this? The water is really shallow, and there’s barely anything inside here. Damn this infernal tank!
Woe is me. Maybe I’m already dead. It’s probably true. I just didn’t know it before. I died and God sent me to my own personal Hell—a dirty tank with no food or friends. What did I do to deserve this? I wonder who I was before. Maybe I was Elvis. Yeah, I think I was Elvis. Did I choke on a ham-sandwich—wait no—that was someone else. That’s good; I’m glad I didn’t choke on a ham-sandwich. I think it’s so cool that I used to be Elvis. It all makes sense now.
I think he just moved. Yeah, he definitely moved. He’s alive! I’m confused. Does this mean I wasn’t Elvis, and that this isn’t Hell, and that I haven’t died already? Yeah, I think it does. It’s good that Bob’s not dead. I really lost it there for a while, but I feel a lot better now.He’s not getting up. I thought he was going to get up. What a bum! He better feed me soon, and this tank is still all dirty. I’m starting to get upset again.