May 30, 2006

In the Corridors of University Power

Reporters from Warwick’s respected student paper _Bora manage to get a rare glimpse of the University’s chief educationalist, Professor VandeLinger, in between two meetings. A unique portrait in the corridors of University Power._

B: Mr. VandeLinger! May we steal a moment of your Precious Time to ask you A Thing Or Two?

VdL: How striking, students! And quite assertive they are too!

B: Mr. VdL, may we be so bold as to ask your opinion on the current payment deadlock between the University’s administration and its lecturers?

VdL: What seems to be the problem?

B: For the past months they have been demanding a payrise of a spectacular 23%. The entire University is discussing the issue and we have all reason to believe that this impasse will cause a whopping 85% of students to consider walking out (according to a poll we took). As a self-respecting paper we furhter do not shun suspecting a conspiracy of outrageous self-enrichment at the top.

VdL [sunk in thought]: I see, that cannot be in our interest. I was not aware of the problem. You see, I was busy trying to set up another campus elsewhere. Yet I don’t see why they shouldn’t have their payrise! I, for example, recently royally topped up my own wage. [jovially:] Yes, let them have it! I like to see everyone happy at this University.

Assistant [with worried look on her face]: But Professor VandeLinger! We really can’t afford such claims! We can barely afford a mere 12.6%! I myself have to take a bus to work nowadays! [etc.]

VdL: It is a shame to see you so unhappy my dear. Do not fear, I will see to an extra 23% for you too.

B: We have evidence from an Anonymous Yet Trustworthy Source that students are at this very moment conspiring to storm this building in order to ensure definite and binding diplomas…

VdL: [growing somewhat impatient]: I don’t know who was supposed to take care of this, I will look into it and give them a good lecture! [suddenly sees the solution!]: But that’s it! This campus I was going to build is not happening anyway! I’ve got some money left! Gentlemen reporters, quote my new policy: “Benefactor VandeLinger Grants 25% Payrise, Students And Lecturers Alike!”

- One comment

  1. Ah, if only, eh?

    30 May 2006, 12:40

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