Congratulations! By following these tenets you’ll hopefully be able to gain some useful information on how to speak and understand us.
Rule 1: Any movie quote, tv quote or music lyric must be followed by its corresponding line.
E.g. “It means nothing to me” – “Oh Vienna!”
You can bend this rule slightly, to spatchcock quotes into the conversation, but this is generally frowned upon. The more well known the quote, the more impressive it is. Similarly, the more tenuous the link, the worse it is.
Rule 2: Microwave = nukrowave. If we cook something in the nukrowave we are “nuking” it. If we cook something for a long time, we are “nuking it from orbit” (“it’s the only way to be sure” – see Rule 1). You make nukrocake in a nukrowave.
Rule 3: Defrosting chicken usually involves a short period of SnoopDog speak. Defrosting some chicken becomes “defrizzling some chizzle”. Ma nizzle.
Rule 4: Coke is Cock. Diet Coke is therefore Diet Cock
Rule 5: Depending on your location, a sequence of Ra’s either culminate in a “bear” or a “Merchant Navy”. Hence “Ra ra bear” and “Ra ra ra Merchant Navy”.
Rule 6: When describing Boursin you must use as few syllables as possible in as guttural a French accent as possible. Hence “Bourrrrrrrrrrrrrgh”
Rule 7: An Ice Crime occurs when there are 2 or less icecubes in a tray.
Rule 8: When you need to clean something (a room, the dishes) you need to use “cleansing fire”. An exception may be a particularly untidy room in which case you can “nuke it from orbit” (itowtbs).
Rule 9: If someone yawns in a vocal way, the polite response is “Easy Chewie”.
Rule 10: Depending on what is happening, arbitrary rules may be placed on speech to enjoy hilarity at others bewilderment. Examples include speaking only in iambic pentameter, and singing your sentences like an opera singer. The rules are usually relaxed when the bewildered party leaves the area.
Rule 11: Most words can be verbised. Or verbinated. Verberated. Verbified. The process of this may be called verbification. The more verbification you can add to a word, the better it is.
E.g : I cleansified the bathroom, I haven’t deciderated yet.
Rule 12: Any and all puns must be declared at time of thinkeratage.
By followerating these simple rules you ensure a better environment for all.