All entries for Tuesday 03 January 2006

January 03, 2006

What is truly wrong with everything

Okay, I've finally worked this out.

The world will be a happier place once we have condoned the ritual execution of children who speak/scream/gurgle/move/breathe/ask stupid questions in the cinema.

I have been to the cinema three times over Christmas, first time with a friend (JIMBOB WEBSTEERRRRR), second time with my parents and a third time with my now ex-girlfriend. The overall frustration I encountered was children who are far too goddamned young to watch King Kong sitting there in the audience, shrieking like…well…kids. What the hell are they doing there if they don't understand it even slightly or if the parents can't keep their kids under control? And the running around, oh boy, don't get me started.

I mean, RUNNING AROUND. It's a film!! Its an awesome 3 hour epic with a gorilla smashing the shit out of stuff, I mean, come on what's there not to be distracted by? Ah yes, three hours…well, send them somewhere else then if they can't sit still for 3 hours. Like, onto the receiving end of a mincer.

Maybe this sounds cruel, I usually love kids – just not in the context of the cinema. Although to be fair, sometimes the kids are a godsend if you compare them with the younger teenagers. At least children sound like they're enjoying themselves or that they're keeping a vague eye on what's going on. I don't want to sound conceited or snobby, but I prefer my films without a commentary of thirteen year olds going 'WHAT UP?!' and 'FUCKIN'-A' or 'SAFE, MAN, SAFE'.

Its probably not a good thing when you start sounding like an old man…but its probably because I like cinema experiences with more cinema and less crap. We could probably just execute Jerry Bruckheimer, Michael Bay and Uwe Boll (THE MOST HEINOUS MAN IN HISTORY) to slow the process down.

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