July 28, 2005

understanding engineers

Understanding Engineers – Take One
Two engineering students were crossing the campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She

threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take
what you want."The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the
clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers – Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

*

Understanding Engineers – Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting
for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's
have a word with him."

"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer
for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Understanding Engineers – Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

*

Understanding Engineers – Take Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers – Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would
run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

**

Understanding Engineers – Take Seven

"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet"

*

Understanding Engineers – Take Eight

An architect, an artist and a chemical engineer were discussing
whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion
and mystery he found there.
The chemical engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
lab and get some work done."

*

Understanding Engineers – Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The
engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the
engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.


April 15, 2005

the tower

Follow-up to the great engineering project from Helen's blog


vote 2005

Writing about web page http://www.whoshouldyouvotefor.com/

Who Should You Vote For?

Who should I vote for?

Your expected outcome:

Liberal Democrat


Your actual outcome:



Labour -6
Conservative -61
Liberal Democrat 84
UK Independence Party -34
Green 7


You should vote: Liberal DemocratThe LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

November 06, 2004

the great engineering project

Shortly i shall commence work on perhaps the greatest structure known to whitefields, perhaps even to warwick. Your probably thinking she's only been studying civil engineering for 6 weeks – its madness, she couldn't do. But i shall prove them wrong when my housemates and i build the tower of beer!

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