August 25, 2005

12 rules

1. do not wait for the inpiration to appear
2. start with the simpliest bit
3. like writing a letter to a friend
4. write a letter to your friend
5. forget 'ought to do' and 'ought not to do'
6. describe
7. list all the benefit
8. write about things most interest you
9. get points from others
10. study from good sample/case
11.start from the title and structure
12. fast writing, tidy up later on

a wierd day

do people only blog when they feel low? but u know sometimes simplicity is the most beautiful thing in life, and whenever u can have this simplicity u shall value it. thing happens for a reason, never question, truth will reveal when time comes. human brain is just slightly more complicated for human themselves to understand, just like we see how the brain of a worm works, but worm can't figure itself out, right;) life is a journey of experiences, god won't let you go through things that u can't take..if so, god 'd already taken ur life.

surely everyone is fundamentally the same, but essentially different and women can't read maps.

=====
you're a salty water ocean wave
you knock me down, you kiss my face
i know the storms will always come
but i still love to have you around


August 22, 2005

life goes on

论文进展得如此的慢,感觉自己的体力在无谓的被榨干,却没有什么成果,天天就这样耗着。还有18天就要离开这个地方了。之前天天唱 ‘离开这个鬼地方’。现在不想走,想就留在这里好了。

简单拥抱说
我想要深深去爱的,我只是怀疑,自己一厢情愿的深深的爱,会不会给心中想要去爱的人带来烦扰和厌倦——如果他并不如你所愿那样爱着你。所以很久以来,我只能抽身出来,旁观自己,旁观自己希望爱的人。我想也好,我们只能慢慢走过,偶尔并肩,并不以爱为名。都落个淡泊,都留住些从容,也许心照不宣,也许长久得更有把握——虽然不够亲近。

那么我想,我们还是可以去深深的爱,只是要埋藏在心里。没有passion的去爱,心平气和的去爱。at this very moment, i hope i can grow old so that i am stronger inside, so that i am patient and calm.
——————————————————————
you think i'd leave your side baby
you know i'm better than that
when you're down on your knees
i wouldn't do that
i'll tell you you're right when you wnat
and if you could see into me

oh when you are cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me


July 07, 2005

fever

*Artist: Five for Fighting Lyrics
Song: Superman Lyrics*

I can't stand to fly, I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find the better part of me
I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train, and it's not easy to be me.

I wish that I could cry, fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie about a home I'll never see
It may sound obsurd, but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed, but wont you conceive
Even heroes have the right to dream, and it's not easy to be me.

Up ahead, away away from me
Well it's all right, you can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy, or anything.

I can't stand to fly, I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride with clouds between their knees
I'm only a man in a silly red sheet, digging for Kriptonite on this one way street
Only a man on this one way street looking for special things inside of me.

I'm only a man looking for a dream
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet, and it's not easy..
It's not easy to be… me.

*Artist: Shawn Colvin Lyrics
Song: Never Saw Blue Like That Lyrics*

Today we took a walk up the street
And picked a flower and climbed the hill
Above the lake

And secret thoughts were said aloud
We watched the faces in the clouds
Until the clouds had blown away

And were we ever somewhere else
You know, it's hard to say

And I never saw blue like that before
Across the sky
Around the world
You've given me all you have and more
And no one else has ever shown me how
To see the world the way I see it now
Oh, I, I never saw blue like that

I can't believe a month ago
I was alone, I didn't know you
I hadn't seen or heard you're name
And even now, I'm so amazed
It's like a dream, It's like a rainbow, it's like the rain

And somethings are the way they are
And words just can't explain

Cause I never saw blue like that before
Across the sky
Around the world
You've given me all you have and more
And no one else has ever shown me how
To see the world the way I see it now
Oh, I, I never saw blue like that before

And it feels like now,
And it feels always,
And it feels like coming home

I never saw blue like that before
Across the sky
Around the world
You've given me all you have and more
And no one else has ever shown me how
To see the world the way I see it now
Oh, I, I never saw blue like that before

Oh, I, I never saw blue like that

*Artist: Jessica Andrews Lyrics
Song: Show Me Heaven Lyrics*

There you go
Flashing fever from your eyes
Hey babe, come over here and shut down tight
I'm not denying
We're flying above it all
Hold my hand, don't let me fall
You've such amazing grace
I've never felt this way…

Show me heaven
Cover me
Leave me breathless
Show me heaven please

Here I go
I'm shaking just like the breeze
Hey baby I need your hand to steady me
I'm not denying
I'm frightened as much as you
Though I'm barely touching you
I've shivers down my spine
And it feels divine

Show me heaven
Cover me
Leave me breathless
Show me heaven please

If you know what like
To dream a dream
Baby hold me tight
And let this be yer

Show me heaven
Cover me
Leave me breathless
Show me heaven please

*Artist: Mary Beth Lyrics
Song: Daydream Believer Lyrics*

Oh, I could hide 'neath the wings
Of the bluebird as she sings.
The six o'clock alarm would never ring.
But it rings and I rise,
Wipe the sleep out of my eyes.
My shavin' razor's cold and it stings.

Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.

You once thought of me
As a white knight on a steed.
Now you know how happy I can be.
Oh, and our good times start and end
Without dollar one to spend.
But how much, baby, do we really need.

Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.
Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.

Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.


June 23, 2005

烟火到来之前


已经过了这么长的时间。在禽兽的blog里看到自己的名字万分亲切,才有了冲动记录下这段时间,就像有个人说的,这个事情没有冲动是做不了了。禽兽,兵,gaga,沛沛以及所有称呼我宝宝的哥们儿姐们儿们,虽然已经又有n就没有联系了,你们还是在我心里面的,就像我在你们心里,在某个夜晚,某个地方,你们记忆中的我突然冒出来一样。

虽然英国这里很热,但是没有北京热;虽然宿舍里很热,但是我的房间一直都是阴风阵阵;虽然我已经很思念你们,但是我还是要写若干字的论文,9月份吧。咱们订9月为北京月。

近来精神压力很大,所以做了很多有关亲人的噩梦,这使我更浮躁不安。

亲爱的你们,虽然我们地理上的差距很大,我们都在这燥热的季节里经历着心灵上那么相似的种种。那么我们的心是那么的近。禽兽的话,就像在表述我的思想;禽兽说:

“并不是所有问题都不是因为找不到原因而自扰,对于你们我正是因为看清了缘由才感到闷闷不乐,也只能说自己太年轻,虽没了10年前的莽撞,却还是不能说服自己的那颗依然有力的心脏。

人就是这样,过得了自己的关就没什么不能做成,最难受没过于思想与行动产生冲突“

亲爱的们,我们是多么的青春和智慧啊。:)

也许今晚去看烟火。

莉 23。6。2005


May 11, 2005

雨季不要再来


夜晚9点的时候,和刚打了羽毛球。回到宿舍,还了图书卡给于围,他们正在厨房聚餐。房间里很闷,开了窗子还是喘不上气。带着md出门走一走。去了超市给璞男买水果,送到数学系。电话他出来拿。 在草坪上走向数学系的时候天很暗,路灯也很暗。看到了很远的地方璞男在等。那条路走了好久。璞男看着我的脸说你别哭。可是我当时没有哭。他一路送我回去,一路说你别哭。我心里很难受,眼泪不停的往下淌。

May 01, 2005

HOME VIDEO – they are doing that BSB song!

Writing about web page http://bbs.wowfay.com/viewthread.php?tid=5884&pid=85234

link

guys u've got to check this out. the boy on the left is sooooo cute. and this is the funniest home video i've seen, yet!


April 25, 2005

印象 。杰


杰是我认识的人里面,性格最两面的男孩。他有着非常阳刚的男人性格,同时内心极其细腻敏感。男人有的特性他都有,而且有的很完整彻底,好色,义气,强烈的正义感,狂妄,冲动。

初次认识杰,是一大群人去狗葛庄,有很多美好快乐的回忆,时间过得越久,当时的快乐越真切。那时候第一次见到了数码相机,杰不停的给大家照相,而且杰喜欢在大家不经意的时候拍。当时的记忆有黑夜里河边触手可及的烟花,sisi漂亮的长得像许晴的表妹,骑马飞奔衣服被吹得鼓鼓的沛沛,唱飞翔鸟把音响唱烧了的刘斯佳,而杰是个沉默的喝很多酒脸很红的笑起来有很大酒窝的男孩子。杰喜欢用漫画的方式记录他的生活,很特别。

回到市里,杰邀请我去他家玩,-主要目的是把我照得像片扫描到电脑里。记得他家住得很远,本想打车去,邻居家的男孩南执意要骑车送我去(注:是各自骑自己的自行车,他带路)。北京的夏天午后很热,骑车的时候有风吹在出着汗的皮肤上很舒服。约好杰在大门口等我。还距离20米远的地方南突然停下了,指着远处说,那个是他吧。远处的杰跨在车上,单腿支在马路牙子上,两边的树很高很大枝叶很茂盛,周围很安静,杰在树荫下的画面很像阳光灿烂的日子里面某个画面。四周很安静只有知了的叫声,我望了半分钟才确定‘好像是他。’ ‘那我走了。’南在我还没有来得及回答的时候已经骑车绕了半圈向我们来的方向骑去。这个时候杰才看到我。一直在路上被晒着,突然停下骑车,杰瞪着我:‘你的脸怎么那么红呢?’后来的记忆就很模糊了,在他家待了好一会儿才两快下来。我们一边扫描相片,杰一边时有时无的讲一些话。那一天已经过去了5年6年了。

在以后的接触就是在网上了,几乎没有接触。杰内心变了很多,或者说我渐渐看到了很多我不知道的杰。杰对一个女孩子的执著如同他对摄影,音乐,电影,文学的执著,但是杰你知道一份感情带给你对你一生的影响比你所有的摄影音乐电影,所有艺术对你内心的冲击都要大。杰有很多非常美丽的文字,文字里很少有提到她,但字里行间都是对她的思念。

杰走过很多城市,居住过很多城市。但他不属于任何一个地方,他在我眼里是个特别孤独的影子,他路过的地方越多越寂寞。因为它属于一份感情。


馋嘴,关于吃的记忆

从我有关于吃的记忆开始说起吧。
王府仓胡同。对面院子里住着一户新疆人,在北京卖羊肉串儿的,现在想想当初我居然没有吃过一次他们家的羊肉串。。。他家有一个和我年纪相仿的小女孩 – 记忆中我也就刚上小学,所以他家小女孩也就6,7岁?长得那叫黑阿。大大的眼睛,卷卷发黄的头发。她刚搬来的时候不大说话- 我以为他是不会讲普通话,后来总带着她玩,她开始将别嘴的普通话了。特愣。想了很久,她叫古莉?是新疆名字的汉语发音吧?记得是和我同一个莉。去她家的时候,终于发现了她黑的原因 – 她居然有自己的房间,里面是一屋子的煤块,上面铺层棉被,挺大的 – 当时我是个小孩儿,眼里什么东西都特大。有一次去等她吃了晚饭和我玩,她抱着一海碗的大米饭,就着对面的一碗黑黑的,都是油的,土豆片炒肉沫。可能她家不怎么开灯,关于她的记忆都是黑黑的。她用筷子夹一粒肉末,放在白米饭上,然后拨拢进嘴里,太香了,我明显记得当时自己咽口水。你看我跑题跑了这么远。之所以她给我吃的一项很深刻, 不是她家的羊肉串 – 我从来没见过她家吃羊肉,而是每次我们在胡同里玩,她都会一下子买3只熊猫冰激凌!而且在5分钟之内全部消灭。每次看着她狼吞虎咽着熊猫,一口就咬下熊猫的耳朵半个头和一只眼睛,我的表情都是成惊讶状,估计现在也不能适应。要知道,我吃的时候,都是一点一点的舔阿(汗。。。)耳朵是巧克力味道的,头和身体白色的地方味道最好,奶油味道的。总之对古莉的崇拜是由她的‘豪爽’开始的,无论是花钱大方还是吃的豪气。 5毛钱一根啊。我当时觉得她家很穷,但是她很富有。

然后就是冰冻儿了。五六年级的时候了。放学回家路上人嘴一个,用牙咬掉上面的头儿,然后开始嘬。。。小学放学回家都是带着小黄帽儿(分冬夏两种)排着队走,站第一个的手里举着个‘让’字的塑料牌儿。

中学吸引我的东西就多了。师大附中门口先后开了2个小(吃)店。印象中,第一个是个书店,可是它同时卖小礼品,各种汽水儿,门口制个油炸锅,卖羊肉串儿,鸡心串儿,等等,等等。从来没在里面买过书。肉加馍好像也是他们家的,从锅里挑出一大块儿肥瘦相间的肉放在像木墩儿一样的圆圆的案板上,切下一小块 – 大块儿放回锅里,开剁,然后浇上半勺儿肉汤,一起放进馍里。。。附中很多谣言说有一个学生吃了晕了过去,我一直认为是学校想让我们吃学校食堂而编的谎言。第二个是名副其实的小食品店,里面卖东西的外地小阿姨很和气,不怎么说话,但是爱笑。我同学中午去那里喝汽水儿,喝不完可以存那里,下午放学再取。

原来我小时候是那么的好学生啊,现在听别人津津有味的回忆上课偷吃东西,我感觉那么的陌生,从来没发生在我身上。。。当时我做第一排啊,简直和做后面的同学有着2个世界的初中的记忆。下操以后,回教室都要经过那个在学校里面的‘点心加工房’,出来的时候人手一块廉价糕点。说到初中生活就要说刘斯佳,因为我都是和她混的。当时的她是多末的小资阿。我的爸爸妈妈都在英国,她的妈妈爸爸时不时地去美国。她每天一定要和可口可乐,别人喝芬达我们都看不上。然后我们要吃8块钱一块的吉百利巧克力。我们还用吃饭的碗,喝咖啡。城乡贸易中心在公主坟开业不久,刚刚时兴吃台湾烤香肠,又咸又腻。。。我们每个星期都要去,而且是从学校走过去。每次都是走不到一半儿我就走不动了,然后我们刘斯佳拉着我走。你的脚那么大,是不是那个时候走大的?我知道你那时候的上衣永远是右胳膊比左胳膊厂一大块,我特喜欢拽着你的袖子走路。当时的我对你是多末的依赖阿。


April 23, 2005

喜欢这段对话。

呆 says:
当时看的时候心智非常幼稚

a. says:
越是小时侯看的东西越能左右你的思维。这个其实不能简单的用好与坏去评价,你对别人没有造成影响,或者自己不觉得痛苦就不是坏,因为看世界和做事情的方式太多了.直接点说吧,你怀念你的青春期,但可能还是没有完全度过你的青春期。

我曾经创造过一个概念叫做"情感深度",很复杂,简单说就是不同的人"理解一种感情和传达一种感情"的程度是不一样的.我想你就是属于拥有这个深度比较深的一类,这类人,青春期很容易经历"青春期忧郁症",我知道很多作家和艺术家都有这种经理.比如我喜欢的傅雷.有人终其一生也没有度过.不过,我觉得你还是很阳光的,可能走出校园,会好很多。我差不多经历了8,9年0吧.现在几乎完成了.这也未必是什么幸事,因为当这个过程过去之后,其实人生就进入另一个阶段了,如果想再经历,就得等下辈子了

我想你指的暗是说:很容易陷入到一种情绪里出不来.你多做做运动可以燃烧掉心里过多的东西
解释自己对于我来说是非常痛苦的事情,基本上越解释越模糊混乱
这不是什么病,你别给自己这种暗示.你应该觉得自豪,就是说,人世间很多东西你能去真正体会,也算是优势吧
不过这也是个双刃剑,可能会给你带来多余的烦恼,不过我相信还是幸福多一些,要不大家为什么都追逐着爱情。然后我认为在感情上努力争取是不会有结果的,感情是顺其自然的。自己的感情是无法自己左右的。别人反而可以左右我的感情。


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