All entries for June 2008

June 25, 2008

day 40

day 40

It's so good to simply be a daughter at home. Actually I want to say "shuang" instead of "good" but I find no equivilent English. I think maybe I'll still want to stay in my hometown in the future. It seems to me to be the only place where everything really makes sense. Though I may lost all the benefits and freedom of being a foriegner, I can be in a place where I'm familiar with the "rules" and deal with many sorts of matters smoothly.

I remember my mom once said she was afriad that I might look down upon her once I was higher educated and saw more about the world. However, the truth seems to be the opposite. I still believe what she has told me firmly though I've studied abroad and learnt how to get along with people from different nations. I found my mom is becoming more attractive than the one in my memory. She has also "grown up" a lot during the years; I really wish I can be like her when I'm in her current age.     


June 22, 2008

day 39

day 39

strange expectation

I don't know why when someone asking me out alone, I will think maybe he is asking for a relationship. Actually it has no logic; I just think in that way, and I feel strange. I don't know why I'll feel a bit guilty to go out with another guy alone when someone I have good impression has asked me out. It is totally unnecessary......I think I'm still influenced much by old value system and I think I should get rid of it or I'll easily hold false expectation and it makes me a bit upset...  

When I'm typing about it, I just think I'm so silly. I started recalling some Chinese girls I know...they seem to tend to do the same...while there's no the same problem with Chinese boys! Oh and another thing...so far there has been no one saying I'm ugly...I think that's why I'll easily have expectations or a sense of guilt. If I was ugly enough, I assume I wouldn't worry or even think about it. 

Besides, I don't know why when I have a good impression for a boy, I'll guess what kind of behaviors he may not like and prevent myself from doing those behaviors even though I like some of them. It is also unnecessary...and I assume few Chinese boys have the same problem too. I'm just surprised about how the old values still have influence on me though I grew up in a modern society with educated parents. It also makes me can't be concentrate on enjoying the time.

Since I assume the only person who can be with me forever is myself, I decided to be self-centre... but still be kind to people as possible as I can.  

A song I currently like. I think the title should be translated as "we are the same type of person"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMvoxrt_f6g


June 16, 2008

day38

day 38

I tend to fall for first impression...and actually it's not a wise thing to do...thanks for my good luck that I've never met someone taking advantages from that......but it makes my life interesting and I think I may keep doing this...what a dilemma......It seems that to be creative is often conflicting with to be realistic.   


June 08, 2008

day37

day 37

When us become impossible, I can be very true.

I like my sense of being romantic. Though it is mostly built by my own unreliable fantasy, it always makes me full of inspirations. I believe that's what makes the world seem interesting!


June 06, 2008

day 36

day 36

Recently, I've been spending time recalling my youth. The time when I behaved really stupid but all things seemed to be pretty real. I remember I locked myself in my room, crying very sadly for more than two hours because I thought my best friend had betraied me. I remember I felt so mad that my head was spinning when one of my friends acused me of saying sth bad behind others...

Actually I'm not old now; I'm still young...but I seldom feel things in that way now...I've learned to be calm and to be sensible...... and then ...it seems that only the memories are real to me...... 

I wanna be stupid again.


June 05, 2008

day 35

day 35

I think learning to think in another culture's way is just like commiting suicide and then reborn. I like the feeling of developing a new self though it is impossible and is in fact not wise to totally forget my culture. Sometimes I think of my experience of feeling in love when I was in Beijing. It is now just as if something happened in the previous life...so far away...both him and me at that time are so far away from my present self......though I still remember how I feel; it is just like a dream and has nothing to do with my reality.

I remember I liked him because I liked his reaction. He was much older than me but his reaction was always funny. I often slept with smile when thinking of how he reacted to my text...yeah right we only met once face to face but we somehow texted everyday. During the process, I kind of learned his way of thinking...and I accidentally found it was quite helpful to my academic progress...maybe it was because he was a collage teacher.... Besides, I found it became easy to talk with male friends and some older male strangers with his way of thinking. I found myself became more eloquent when talking to men! I also found that my male friends and even some of my father's friends started to take me seriously instead of saying:"well, she is just a little gril." It is interesting that people sort of like or admire people who think in the same way like themselves.

My romance ended up quite sudden and annoying. It was all because he said he was married when I wanted to meet him face to face again.  Well...at least I was still young and I'd learned a lot. I guess I just have to accept the fact that life is really unpredictable!! It's very comfortable to be an open-minded person.    


June 04, 2008

day 34–3

When revising the translation theories, translating another Chinese song, and thinking about my daily life, I can't help but wondering: can communication really work?? Have I really ever understood a person? or have I ever really made myself clear? It seems that the world I've ever known is simply my way of misunderstanding the reality. Maybe the only purpose of living is to be happy in the misunderstanding?


day 34–2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdoD3aV_Zxs&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vux2OU7LLP4

My translation of the lyrics, which is only my understanding (I believe there are thousands of versions):

&

I'm thinking of how you make up in the morning

while painting a blue flower on a white chinese vase.

I believe I can know your secret thoughts by missing you.

Your image is becoming so clear

that I can't paint anymore.

*

People paint beautiful women to make them their private collection,

but your smile is like the first blossom

so hard to grab

that I can only feel you're leaving me.

*

The blue sky is waiting for the rain. I'm waiting for you.

half of my soul has left me for a long journey to your place.

I carve a signature on the vase

to plan a plot about how we shall meet.

*

The blue sky is waiting for the rain. I'm waiting for you.

I'm wondering what type of couple we will be

just like wondering how to catch the moon in the river,

but you don't know how your smile is torturing me.

Your smile is just as innocent as the beautiful antique vase.

*

I'm painting blue fishes and white flowers on a chinese bowl

I'm keep thinking about you in the whole process even when I sign on it.

I guess I've accidentally hiden how I feel about you in it.

If the bowl becomes an antique in the future,

my secret will have been passed down for thousands of years.

But few people will find it in the thousands years,

for it is as precious as the sound of needle falling.

*

The sudden rain is making me sentimental.

I'm thinking of how I first saw you.

It is just as if I'd seen you in my previous life

I think I was passing a little town by the river,

and I can't remember why I omitted your smile when I was back home painting my journey.

I believe that maybe why I can't stop thinking of you in the present life.

*

The blue sky is waiting for the rain. I'm waiting for you.

half of my soul has left me for a long journey to your place.

I carve a signature on the vase

to plan a plot about how we shall meet.

*

The blue sky is waiting for the rain. I'm waiting for you.

I'm wondering what type of couple we will be

just like wondering how to catch the moon in the river,

but you don't know how your smile is torturing me.

Your smile is just as innocent as the beautiful antique vase.


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