July 05, 2008

day 41

day 41

There's a saying in Confucious philosophy: "ming bu zheng ze yan bu shun, yan bu shun ze shi bu cheng". The saying also has developed into a four-word term: "ming zheng yan shun". I think it can be translated as "Do what under the name you get, then you can get what you want." According to the saying, if you are not a man's wife and you want the man to be a long-term companion, you shouldn't have sex with the man because you are not on the stage to do so. While working, it is also inappropriate and troublesome if a person without an proper position gives orders.

I'm reading an article written around 1910, narrating the Islam culture at that time by an English journalist. I'm interested in the gender part, which says the girls deserve the worst while the boys deserve the best. However, according to the description, girls there didn't seem to think they have the worst. Like I guess fishes have never questioned the existence of water, they also felt comfortable to obey the rules in thier culture. Inspired by the article, I then try to read the newspaper from an outsider's point of view, and I've found some features of Chinese gender relationship.

I have a rough conclusion that it is very easy for a Chinese man to get rid of the girls he don't like anymore, and that when a Chinese girl like a man a lot, she will "automatically" do many things for him without asking for return or even asking for why. Besides, Chinese girls tend to believe that they should have only one man in thier life; it's an idol to marry the first boyfriend. However, Chinese boys often believe that they will find their "true love" after having several relationships. Hence, there's always an old story about a woman has been a man's partner and taken care of him for many years but the man eventually marry another woman. Moreover, Chinese girls also tend to believe that an unmarried woman's life is miserable.

Therefore, according to my rough conclusion, Chinese girls are actually in a bad position in the Chinese society. I think to understand the classic pholosophy in Chinese culture is a skillful way to prevent the "tragedy" if one lives in the Chinese society. I believe it's the same in other cultures......but to really understand other cultures usually takes patience for me:p 


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  1. Sue

    Recently I’ve been reflecting on how well I understand things and how sometimes I find myself as much of an enigma as other people. Recently I was contacted by an old friend which was rather nice but inexplicably I’m strating to feel a bit tied down by the whole thing because it’s becoming a bit full on. I have no problem with committment and even as I write those words I know that it’s not altogether true. The truth is that I have no problem with committment with a handful of people after that it becomes more of a problem. I find myself feeling that I want to retreat and it’s almost like a mild panic. Whereas when you’re going to have a second child you wonder if you will have enough love to share between the two, you soon realise that this is no problem at all but with others I find it difficult to share my capacity for friendship between too many people. I see myself as a “people person” who is giving and happy to be like that but it’s at times like this that I realise that I have a flaw in this area because I am reminded that I have a fear of being relied upon too much and this highlights a shortfall in my capacity to give of myself.

    She is quite a needy person and I can understand why to a certain extent because she has been through some very bad times. She uses some very emotive terms like “I was abandoned” and I do feel for her very deeply but can’t help thinking she is dragging herself down by dwelling on the negative things that have happened to her. I told my partner that I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling those sort of things to someone I hadn’t seen for years and he said “sometimes it’s much easier to share things with people you’re unlikely to ever meet.” I’m stunned by his insightfulness. But the trouble is she is talking about meeting up and although I would like to see her again part of me wants to withdraw from the whole situation.

    05 Jul 2008, 12:39

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