All entries for Sunday 22 June 2008

June 22, 2008

day 39

day 39

strange expectation

I don't know why when someone asking me out alone, I will think maybe he is asking for a relationship. Actually it has no logic; I just think in that way, and I feel strange. I don't know why I'll feel a bit guilty to go out with another guy alone when someone I have good impression has asked me out. It is totally unnecessary......I think I'm still influenced much by old value system and I think I should get rid of it or I'll easily hold false expectation and it makes me a bit upset...  

When I'm typing about it, I just think I'm so silly. I started recalling some Chinese girls I know...they seem to tend to do the same...while there's no the same problem with Chinese boys! Oh and another far there has been no one saying I'm ugly...I think that's why I'll easily have expectations or a sense of guilt. If I was ugly enough, I assume I wouldn't worry or even think about it. 

Besides, I don't know why when I have a good impression for a boy, I'll guess what kind of behaviors he may not like and prevent myself from doing those behaviors even though I like some of them. It is also unnecessary...and I assume few Chinese boys have the same problem too. I'm just surprised about how the old values still have influence on me though I grew up in a modern society with educated parents. It also makes me can't be concentrate on enjoying the time.

Since I assume the only person who can be with me forever is myself, I decided to be self-centre... but still be kind to people as possible as I can.  

A song I currently like. I think the title should be translated as "we are the same type of person"

June 2008

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