All entries for Tuesday 09 January 2007
January 09, 2007
The chemotherapy is over. I had the last dose on December 8th. It knocked me out more than the others and I have been very tired. The good thing was that I got the worst of it all out of the way before Christmas. Christmas was relaxed and the whole family came up from London to see us which was great. We even decided to ask our local Indian restaurant to cater for us, so no effort which meant we could enjoy the comapny and not worry about cooking.
I am finding that my energy comes in bursts. I can have a good day, but it will take a couple of days of me sitting like a zombie to recover. Reading is difficult and sometimes even watching TV is a strain. I have just got back to my relaxation and meditation. Trying to do it with the whole family around is quite difficult. I have found the afternoon is a good time. This is once I have persuaded the kids to turn down the boom boom of their music.
Buliding on the self compassion and changing through doing nothing requires me to be kind to myself, which is often difficult as changing the habits of a lifetime are not easy. I do feel good when I get the moments of stillness. I realise that happiness depends upon feeling good.
The thought of going back to work is an idea too far at the moment and still upsets me. This is when I know that I am still learning to change. All the poeple who care say I need to focus on my health. Decisions on work are not important for now as I am not well enough to make serious decisions.
I am enjoying being at home, resting, meditating, relaxing, baking, starting projects that are fun such as a family recipe book and visualising self-compassion through images from the web. Small things but achievable and support the feeling of being relaxed.
I am still me and it is great to have friends that value me as I am. I am thankful for their support. My New Years Resolution is to be happy.