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November 18, 2008


Follow-up to Restructuring from The Man From O.N.K.E.N.

We would like to apologise for earlier this week suggesting that former members of the Magic Department of the Amnesia Party threw their toys out of the pram and walked on us. If I remember correctly, they actually went to do some research on the physics of animal projectiles launched from a near-horizontal position.

In other news, the Amnesia Party would like to express its disgust at how Haringey Council forgot what they’d learnt from Victoria Climbie. You wouldn’t catch us forgetting important details like that.

November 13, 2008


We at the Amnesia Party would like to apologise for the delay to this entry. This was caused by us forgetting to write something.

It is with regret that the have to announce some restructuring, which means we have to make substantial cuts to our paid staff. Hopefully in this time of recession, our adjustments will allow us not to waste money on trivial causes that aren’t important.

Next to go was the Department for the Colour Blind, but that’s because the returned the red form instead of the green form. In any case, most of the members of that group are now in Switzerland living as tax exiles so they don’t have to remember to fill in self-assessment forms. We’ll put them into the Department for Foreigners for now.

Unfortunately the Department for Rugs also had to be cut. To be honest it’s not like we even wanted them in the first place, but they just kept coming and coming. It was enough effort just to get them to accepting new members. They accepted the end a bit better than we expected though.

We also cut the Department for Magic, as we realised they were just creating an illusion of being worth something. Thankfully we managed to get some of the staff in other areas of the party, but when those who weren’t invited found out, they got in a huff and quit the party entirely.

Finally, we had to ditch the Department for the Colour Blind, as they filled out the wrong colour form. For similar reasons, we decided to keep them away from the Department for Electrical Engineers.

Hopefully in this time of recession, our adjustments will allow us not to waste money on trivial causes that aren’t important.

May 09, 2008

We <3 England

Writing about web page

According to the latest Rough Guide to England, we are a nation of “overweight, alcopop-swilling, sex- and celebrity-obsessed TV addicts”, and a “insular, self-important and irritating” nation.

Wow, they know us so well!

May 01, 2008

A quick reminder


November 28, 2007

The Completely Useless Sports Guide #9

Horse Racing

Horse Racing, often abbreviated to just Racing, is a sport which involves midgets sitting on horses and beating the living daylights out of their steed in order to make them run faster.

Many races take place on a flat or undulating course of turf, sand, astroturf, carpet, mud or jelly. Other races, known as point to point, start in one Lord’s back garden and end in another’s, whilst in some races they construct obstacles, known as fences, which span this course, forcing the horse to either jump it, run away from it, throw their mount to the floor, or trip over it and die. Races can have anything between 2 to 40 teams taking part.

The races themselves are often a sideshow to the main attraction, the betting on which horse is going to win/lose/not quite win/have its rider slow it down enough to make money for themselves/sneeze.

Although the horses usually only do one race every 3 or 4 months, the riders will often do several in a day, as they aren’t being whipped all the time. At the end of the season, the “Champion Jockey” is the one who has made the most money from fixing races, whilst the “Champion Trainer” is the one who has the most interviews by John McCriririririririririririririririririck.

September 07, 2007

Facebook: Open All Hours

Now I would have expected somebody to have beaten me to this by a long way, but it seems to have sneaked by WB unnoticed that Facebook is opening its doors to Google, and with it taking the last bastion of “privacy” from the site.

Facebook, of course, started out as a North American collegiate networking site, which then expanded to international students. It then opened it doors to the general public, but during all this kept the spiders out, so that what was in Facebook could only be tracked down by logged-in Facebook users.

But now Facebook is directly pitching itself against major rivals like MySpace and Bebo. The two target audiences are arguably significantly different – potentially there could be a continuous migration from Bebo to MySpace to Facebook with age, but as those who despair at the state of SPG of schoolchildren will know the “infiltration” of the MySpace userbase onto Facebook is changing the face of the site.

Of course, being able to be tracked down by Google raises several issues, although I can leave talking about “infringement of privacy” and “protection of personal data” and stuff like that to others.

I reckon Facebook has left a niche in the market behind, which it used to fill. By targeting collegiate students and not allowing anyone else in, it very powerfully segmented a userbase who had intent to procrastinate. But by going open in this way, could Facebook be leaving their niche behind for somebody else to fill? Another potential scenario is that “even more ‘grown up’” sites like Linked-In could benefit with a Facebook userbase dissatisfied with the opening out of the site.

But if it make Facebook Inc more money, then why should they worry about this?

July 24, 2007

What kind of muppet orders a side salad from McDonalds?

Well, I did.

Not being a meat-eater, I’ve always been a bit stuck when it comes to fast food – especially KFC. We’ve been screwed over even more since McDonalds got rid of the Veggie Deli Melt and replaced with a veggie burger in a roll for 50p more than a veggie burger in a bun. So I thought I’d really irritate them when we went through a drive-thru at the weekend… by ordering a salad.

The concept of McDonalds selling salad to me, more so than the carrot sticks and fruit bags of the Happy Meal menu, speaks solely of political correctness. The clientèle of a burger bar is there for low-health burger and chips, not a portion of your five-a-day. But nevertheless if you don’t want chips, you can still have a meal. I was intrigued to see what was in it, and so knowing that my bun would taste of crap anyway decided to try it out.

Of course, Great Yarmouth isn’t exactly health capital of the county, and Great Yarmouth McDonalds is about as unhealthy as you can get. The pure fear on the girl’s face when faced with having to get a side salad… “I’ll… er… just have to see if we have one of them…” It’s probably the first time anyone has ever asked for one there. They did have one, one probably being the exact number in stock for the day.

It’s not bad actually; way too heavy on the lettuce but then it’s cheap green padding stuff. The dressing consequently a bit too strong, but with more content in the salad it would have been fine. But I’m not here for a food review, so that’s enough on that.

The irony is that naturally with such a complicated order (A deli melt? AND a salad? AND three lots of cheese sticks? AND apple pies? AND… oh bugger this, go over there and somebody might bring you stuff!) they inevitably forgot about the salad and gave me free chips, which were just as inevitably greasy salty tat. Much more like the McDonalds we know and “love”.

July 20, 2007

Side–effects of Pretorious (not) being allowed to run with everyone else

Now I did have a completely unrelated blog entry all done, but WB wouldn’t let me sign in and my computer promptly crashed, so that went.

Then I thought about doing an entry on the ongoing saga of the attempts of Paralympic athelte Oscar “Blade Runner” Pretorious to be accepted as an able-bodied runner, but that horse has been sufficiently flogged. So rather than just give a “no because…” entry, I thought I’d come up with some rather silly scenarios should the final decision on his Olympic future go either way.

Intentional Amputation

If Pretorious is allowed to run even though his blades offer an advantage, what is to stop an able-bodied athlete chopping off their own legs and having their own performance-enhancing limbs?

“You need four limbs”

If Pretorious is not allowed to run on the grounds that he doesn’t have four limbs, does this mean that an athlete without an arm isn’t allowed to run even if he’s really good?

Totalitarian trials

Everybody deserves the right to run in the trials. Unfortunately, we are still waiting for 84 year old Fred Brooks to finish the 10000m from last year before we can start this year’s trials. His pacemaker is Eric the Eel.

The end of segregation

Pretorious runs as a “non-disabled” runner, thus forcing all other Paralympians to run with the regular Olympians. At the same time, age and gender divisions are also abolished.

Enhancing leg technology

With Pretorious banned from the Olympics, companies are free to develop the most efficient artificial legs they can manage. The 100m world record is thus reduced to 6.47 seconds by Javier Mbangua, whose springy legs allow him to stride up to 19 metres a time.

I’m sure there are more potential silly ideas I can come up with. It’s an emotional issue, but the key issue here isn’t at all about why he shouldn’t be allowed to run with his non-disabled rivals, but why he should.

June 29, 2007

Help, there's a suspect car outside my office.

Half the office is one side of the cordon, the other half is the other.

And my first instinct on hearing the news was to come and blog about it…

October 16, 2006


I’ve been tidyng up my room, because in the 18 months or so that I’ve been home my room has been a dump. I went through and found all my old payslips – except for just three. I did, however, find a nice one from week 12 2002-3.

1.5 hours @ £3.80/hour. Total pay: £5.70

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