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January 17, 2008

Important correction to Import annoucnement

Writing about web page /lblackwell/entry/important_annoucnement_part/

Writing about an entry you don't have permission to view

Citizens of America,

Following yesterday’s press release by the Amnesia Party of America, I would like to issue the following correction. The phrase:

A vote for Amnesia is a vote you’ll never forget.

should have in fact read:

A vote for Amnesia is a vote you’ll never remember.

We would like to apologise for any confusion this hasn’t caused.

December 22, 2007

A New Year Message from the Amnesia Party

Follow-up to A New Year Message from the Amnesia Party from The Man From O.N.K.E.N.

People of Britain,

We at the Amnesia Party hope you have had a very Merry Christmas and are looking forward forward to a prosperous New Year in 200?. It has been a long and hard year for all of us with several events changing the world’s perception of itself, for example… stuff.

We at the Amnesia Party will never stop striving for something to happen, and this year we shall throw our weight behind the Government for the introduction of ID cards as soon as possible. However, we believe that things should go one step further and that rit… rot… reticle… cretin… eye scans should be used as a more efficient form of ID. This is because it is quite difficult to forget where one has put their eyes, and it would mean that another piece of plastic which can quite easily be lost down the back of the sofa along with the passport, the loss change and the contraceptives would not be of concern. Moreover a nationwide ID system would help make it a safer place for me, for you me and for me. Moreover, we also think instead of ID cards we should introduce retinal scans so that the cards don’t get lost.

With all the best for all our followers and supporters in the Next Year,

The Amnesia Party

September 14, 2007

Learning Japanese with Luke – Lesson 2: Peter Pen the Prostitute writes his diary

Follow-up to Learning Japanese with Luke – Lesson 1: Peter Pen the Prostitute from The Man From O.N.K.E.N.

Now I know where Peter is, I have to help him write his diary. This will be useful when I walk up to some random Japanese person in the street and ask them what day of the week it is.

Kyoo wa naniyoobi desu ka?
Kyooh wah nan-yooh-bee dess kah?
What day is it today?

Nanji desu ka?
Nan-jee dess kah?
What time is it?

Kyoo wa Suiyoobi desu.
Kyooh wah soo-ee-yooh-bee dess.
Today it is Wednesday.

Ashita wa Doyoobi desu.
A-shtaah wah doh-yooh-bee dess.
Tomorrow it is Saturday.

Gogo goji han desu.
Go-go go-jee han dess.
The time is 5:30pm.

Kinoo wa nanyoobi ka oboetenain desu ka?
Kee-noo wah nan-yooh-bee kah o-boh-eh-teh-naiyn dess ka?
Can’t you remember what day it was yesterday?

Kechi ni naranakute, udedokei o kau toki desu!
Keh-chi nee nah-rah-nah-ku-teh, ooh-deh-doh-keh oh cow tokk-ee dess!
It’s time you stopped being a cheapskate and bought a watch!

August 09, 2007

Learning Japanese with Luke – Lesson 1: Peter Pen the Prostitute

For those of you who don’t know, I’m off to Japan in November for a whole fortnight. This means I have to learn how to speak the language, otherwise I will be in a spot of bother.

I speak Japanese like a native of Bulgaria. Thankfully, my housemate speaks Japanese like a native of Japan (as long as you don’t ask him about cardiomyopathy) so he’s training me up.

In today’s lesson we will learn about locating pens.

Pen wa doko desu ka?
Penn wah do-ko dess kah?
Where is the pen?

Pen wa teburu no ue ni aru.
Penn wah teh-buru no ooh-eh nee a-roo.
The pen is on the table.

Pen wa isu no shita ni aru.
Penn wah ee-soo no schtar nee a-roo.
The pen is underneath the chair.

Pen wa kappu no hidari-gawa ni aru.
Penn wah cuh-poo no he-dar-ee-gah-wah nee a-roo.
The pen is on the left hand side of the glass.

Pen wa oita tokoro ni aru.
Penn wah oy-ee-tah toh-koh-roh nee a-roo.
The pen is where you left it.

Nande anata no bakana pen no basho o wakaru hazu da?
Nan-deh a-nah-tah no bah-kah-nah penn no ba-shoh oh wah-kah-roo ha-zoo dah?
Why the hell should I know where your stupid pen is?

I look forward to you joining me for your next lesson.

June 29, 2007

Help, there's a suspect car outside my office.

Half the office is one side of the cordon, the other half is the other.

And my first instinct on hearing the news was to come and blog about it…

May 12, 2007

Eurovision 2007 Live Blog

I should be at a Eurovision party, but I’m not. Instead I’m in my bedroom all alone bar teh intarweb. :(

I’m sure most of you couldn’t give a crap about it, but for those who do here’s a live blog of music’s annual nightmare. And yes, I did steal the idea off Mr Doidge. :p

1959: Come back from dinner, and apparently you need a plug-in to view Eurovision online. I would just watch the TV like anyone else, except we only have one TV with a signal, and mum’s watching Coronation Street on it. The BBC, of course, aren’t streaming the TV coverage, so I won’t get any Wogan comments until I hear about them elsewhere.

2005: After installing the plug-in and some updates, I get in on the action… five minutes late. Just like this entry really.

2009: And I’m away… oh no I’m not. This is turning into a technical nightmare blog rather than a live entry!

2011: Sorted, I’m away. I missed half the Bosnian entry, but it was a bit slow, a bit whiny, but very dramatic. I think. I wasn’t paying too much attention, I was trying to get a seat and find coathangers at the same time. Don’t ask, just don’t.

2016: Number two is Spain. They should get a few votes of the ladies, men in white who have fallen out with their hairdressers usually go down well – Wogan thinks that one of them was inspired by a former Beckham-cut. I don’t think it’s the time for a Latin song to win though, certainly not from a country as “boring” (i.e. not Baltic/Balkan/Russian) or large as Spain.

2020: I quite like the Belarussian entry. It’s a fairly catchy song, performed well but I think it might suffer under its neighbours efforts.

2024: It’s Ireland now. Did this really get through from the semi-final? Oh wait, Ireland managed to actually qualify this year. They definitely won’t this year. Yes it’s nice and… Irish… but… take that back, it’s ordinary at best. Roll on the home team.

2028: Well I really can’t see Finland doing the double. A very grumpy looking Hanna, spending most of the time eyeing up the cameraperson right of stage, sends the crowd wild. Unfortunately, her strong performance is matched by a weak rock… thing.

2031: Aha, my first view of Tweedledum and Tweedledee. I missed the first ten minutes, and judging by the time it took my eyes to adjust to her dress it’s a good thing. They’re now talking to some Finnish girl, in a pink Cinderella-style dress somehow more garish than Tweedledee’s own dayglo-green monstrosity, what her dream is. When she realises where the camera is, she claims her dream is to host Eurovision. Wogan is lapping the blatant plant up. Let’s have some more music please.

2034: Well I really can’t complain about the quality of the singers for a change, it’s the songs that aren’t so impressive so far. When the ballet behind Karolina is more interesting than her words, you would expect Macedonia are going to struggle. Bet they still make the top 10 though.

2037: Wogan’s just informed me that Slovenia’s entry is called “Talk To The Hand”. It’s not just my face that wishes it wasn’t listening, Alenka’s voice is so operatic it sounds completely disjointed to the actual melody. Didn’t like it, so it should do well.

2041: Hungary’s entry makes lovely use of a BUS STOP. It’s nice and chilled, with a singer who although realised you don’t have to wear a short skirt to sing at Eurovision, was going to take the shouty shouty route instead. Nice idea, but I can see the Magyars having to qualify next year.

2045: Although in some respects the chilled Lithuanian ballad is a welcome diversion, it’s boring. Hence the short paragraph.

2050: Greece have a habit of using ladies not wearing too much in their acts, and it worked in 2005. With a male singer though, you need female backing dancers. At least the “cheerleaders” don’t look too tarty, even with all the gyrating. The song itself? Very handy. Greece as a nation haven’t done too much wrong recently, and Yassou Maria has a strong Mediterranean vibe about it. Bet I put the kiss of death on it.

2053: “Cossacks and swordfighting” promises TW. For Georgia, read Macedonia, except with a far worse song and a far worse vocalist. How on Earth did this get through qualification?

2056: Terry’s wondering how Eurovision coped without fireworks, before warning that Sweden’s entry has flashy lights. That’s clearly not a warning for epiletics, but just for people who value their sanity in general. The Ark are a Scandinavian The Darkness, except without the falsetto. Not a bad song, but again it’s not outstanding.

It’s now halfway, and so far there only Spain and Greece have really stood out for me. There’s bigger acts still to come though, as well as Scooch. Time for an “intermission”. I bet it includes Little Miss Muffet getting her wish.

2058: Aha, Miss Muffet is called Krisse. She now has a coat on, and is outside doing a very poor job of inspiring the crowd. TW explains that this is a commercial break in Finland, and he would rather have the commercials on instead. I can’t help but agree. These Finnish are crazy.

2103: Break over, and we’re off to France. I can’t think of a French entry in the last five years I’ve really liked. So instead knowing they can’t be relegated they’ve decided to come up with the most stupid quintet they can find, put them in pink and black, and give them a ridiculously silly yet rhythmically catchy song to dance about to (or in the lead vocalist’s case, move your head sharply and randomly) like ska was back in fashion. Finally, the French realise Eurovision is more fun when you stop taking it seriously!

2107: One word to Latvia: NO. It’s another operatic entry, with men in suits and tophats singing a poor excuse of a ballad waving roses about. It’s far more depressing than that sentence can convey. Oh wait, there’s more of them now… six of them! Perhaps they should have invested the money spent on those suits getting a better act in.

2111: Russia’s offering sees Girls Aloud meets Britney Spears meets the TV’s mute button. Yes I know the male half of the world always demands more visually attractive Russian women, but just don’t let them sing like this. Please. The song isn’t great, and the performance isn’t that great. However, Germany are next, so perhaps I should give this more credit while I still have the chance.

2114: Germany in “decent song” shocker! This is a lovely jazz ditty, which I haven’t seen done well in Eurovision for a very long time, and it’s excellently performed both vocally and musically. If he wasn’t singing for Germany, Roger Cicero would now be my favourite to win. But as it’s German, they can’t win because they’re not in the right bloc of nations. Wogan also notes the potential for coalition screw. Shame, it surely deserves to be top 5 on merit, but now I can’t even see it making the top 10.

2118: Making their debut without Montenegro, Serbia are instead lumped with a scruffy lass fresh out of after-school detention who aurally reminds me of Bonnie Tyler and visually of Mel Giedroyc. The song? Absolutely rubbish.

2123: Dad’s just asked me to the wiping up. However, it’s the Ukranian entry first followed by the British entry. Guess when I’m going to do the wiping up! The vocal performance on the night, however, is a shocker – surely Verka hasn’t got stage fright? Maybe Ukraine, favourites with the bookies, aren’t going to win twice in three years. For those who weren’t aware of the hype, it’s a middle-aged man in silver drag with a very stupid song with the lyrics “Sieben Sieben Ai Lyu Lyu//Sieben Sieben Eins Zwei!”. Should do well, but won’t. After that, I’m almost thankful for Tweedledum and Tweedledee! Here come Scooch.

2127: This really isn’t good. Either something has gone wrong with the arena acoustics, or it’s just pure chance that two turgid vocal performances have come back to back. Scooch sound amateur, dance amateur and… it’s just plain substandard. I tried to claim on Jessica Jones’s that they wouldn’t get nil points. To be honest, it’s not far off Gemini, and we all know what happened there. Oh dear oh dear.

2130: Wogan claims that Romania’s entry is going to be sound in “every conceivable language”. Curiously, they don’t sound as bad as Scooch. They must have fixed the arena acoustics. This isn’t so much a song as a collection of random segments of music thrown together with bizarre and random movement. In Dance Dance Revolution, that’s known as Fascination Maxx.

2134: We haven’t seen any randomly large drums for about half an hour, so Bulgaria have come to fix that for us with lots of them. I’m sure there was a country that tried this same gimmick last year and failed spectacularly – so much so I can’t remember who it was. Vocally, it’s down there with Scooch, except being Bulgaria this will garner sympathy rather than being laughed at.

2136: For the Turkish entry, TW promises us British belly dancers with Chris Moyles’s “younger and better-looking brother”. Another very ordinary song which will get a points total in the 20s or 30s. I decided not to listen to the whole lot and do some of that wiping up instead, as it’s just your usual Turkish entry. Next!

2142: It’s a sign of the times when a nation like Armenia warrants a spot ahead of a nation like Denmark. They opt to play safe with an ordinary slow ballad with a tree covered in toilet paper instead of backing dancers. Sure the whole of Europe deserves a shot at the final, but then most of them produce stuff like this and rely on political voting to get through. This, of course, coming from a nation that turned out Scooch.

2146: And so we end with Moldova. TW warns us of a flashing lights and a lady who needs to pull her trousers up. In my opinion, she needs a long overcoat to cover that thing on her head and that top. Oh, the braidy netty thing is off. Will the trousers follow? We haven’t had any women stripping this year and this doesn’t look like changing that. It’s unfortunately a generic violin/rock number which again doesn’t do much for me. The trousers stay on, and the final is over.

2149: Tweedledum says it’s over, and Tweedledee starts explaining the vote, promptly dubbed over by TW. For some reason, Santa is now on stage in a fake snow blizzard. Tweedledee’s changed her hair. Santa is now embarrassing children and the competition referee alike on international TV. Bet he won’t get any presents. Tweedledee has a present off Santa. It’s a hand bell, which she promptly gives to Santa to start off the fifteen minutes of televoting. I feel 14% more stupid now, so time to do that wiping up. It’s more interesting that watching him anyway.

2151: Wogan reminds us that not one Western European nation qualified on Thursday night. The field isn’t impressive, it’s very even and there’s little that stands out. My tips – politics aside – would be Spain, Greece and Germany, and Ukraine have blown their chance. With a field like this, it should be close. Expect a massive win for some obscure song.

2204: I walk back in to Miss Muffet talking about the performers’ and fans’ clothes. Pot, kettle, black. Did Wogan predict bottom four for us? He must be optimistic. William Hill still has Ukraine as favourite (9-4) ahead of Russia (3-1) and Serbia (11-2), 9-1 anyone bar those three. I still can’t understand the hype over the Serbian entry, nor can I understand how Scooch are at 20-1. My three are at 20-1 (Greece), 33-1 (Germany) and 80-1 (Spain), although I wouldn’t mind seeing Romania (66-1) doing well. France (100-1), as fun as it was, don’t have a prayer. Voting over, let’s go…

2213: Verka Serduchya reminds Dad of Timmy Mallet. With the glasses, I can see why. Anyway, we now have the interval act – why they can’t have the voting through this I don’t know. It’s a circus ballet thing with a man in a ball, going from classical music to something somewhat heavier, straight out of a Quake or Unreal Tournament multiplayer level. Three men in varying levels of clothing and hair sanity are trying to make the cello cool. We now have acrobats out, as well as the man bursting out of the ball. Wogan is relieved he is wearning pants. He proceeds to swallow a fluorescent tube, as you do. There’s now a bloke on a bike and a lady on a swing suspended high above the clouds. Nothing like a bit of trapeze artistry to go with classical rock. Health and Safety would never allow this, she doesn’t have a net! Perhaps that’s why she isn’t doing any jumping, just spins on the bar. For a moment, I thought she lost her grip there, but I think there’s a rope holding her on. Change of music, and it’s time for the firebreathers/eaters/throwers/drummers. Oh they seem to be doing anything and everything with fire. It’s a very nice distraction from the actual competition, so much so they now need a commercial break. To the green room with Miss Muffet!

2218: I’m not sure which is most embarrassing: Miss Muffet, the blatant advertising by Tweedledum of this year’s CD/DVD, or Scooch. Ukraine are down to 2-1 with Russia at 3s, Serbia 6s and Sweden 9-1, 11-1 bar. The UK are still 20-1! Montenegro vote first, and of course don’t vote for us. Shock horror, the 12 go to Serbia.

2221: 12 to Russia from Belarus, and Armenia’s douze heads the same way. Serbia lead and in to 11-2. They said we were going to London, but instead we go to Andorra. Will they vote for Spain or France… yes, eight to France and twelve to… Ukraine?!? They gave nothing to Spain! Wogan is in fits, he reckons the border will be closed.

2225: Let me just point out now that the UK is listed bottom now, with three nations (the other two being Ireland and Latvia) on 0, but as they performed later Scooch are where they belong. Serbia receive 12 from Austria, and they go back on top. Serbia take another 8 from France, compared to Ukraine’s 1, and Turkey take the 12. Russia are now 2-1 favourites, Ukraine drifting to 5-2 and Serbia 9-2. With a 6-3 to Serbia off Denmark, they are 11 clear of the Ukraine. Denmark, somewhat surprisingly, give 12 to Sweden. No sarcasm, honest(!)

2228: Greece pass 12 to Bulgaria as the Serbian lead is down to 8. Spain’s vote gives a 7-1 to Ukraine and Serbia’s lead drops to just 2. It’s very close, with Russia 8 off the lead. But it’s now Serbia to vote, and they only give the 3 to Ukraine. 12 to Hungary from them, and still three on 0. Ukraine leasds by just one from Serbia and two from Russia. It’s very close. “There isn’t a single Western European country within an ass’s roar” of the lead, muses TW.

2234: The hosts swing Serbia back into the lead with a 12, as Wogan gets worried about another 0. I was about 15 seconds into our song. Anyway, nothing for Serbia off Turkey, who give the 12 to Armenia, and Ukraine and Sweden close. There’s nothing coming of Bosnia & Herzegovina, but with just 3 and 2 to Ukraine and Russia, you would expect the 12 to go to Serbia. They oblige, and William Hill remove their betting form to annoy me. Nothing for Russia off Belgium, and Serbia’s lead continue to grow as Turkey take another 12. Only 8 for Spain off Portugal; their 12 goes to Ukraine, and the lead for Serbia is only seven.

2236: Albania bring Ireland off the mark, but a single for Serbia isn’t an issue as they give 12 to Spain and nothing to Ukraine or Russia. Coral come to my rescue, installing Serbia 8-11 favouries. Russia are 9-4 and Ukraine 7-2. Moldova bring Latvia off the mark, leaving the UK isolated alone on 0; their 12 goes to Romania. Cyprus didn’t qualify, so they can give their 12 to Greece for free. It’s ten from Serbia to Ukraine, and now Bulgaria (odds of 14-1) are up there with Russia.

2240: A 12 from Croatia to Serbia gives them a 17 point lead, and its looking like the Slovenian vote announcer has been left with that torch to play with for far too long. They add another 12 to Serbia, who are starting to run away with it. Could Israel give us anything? Course not. Bulgaria did move above Ukraine, but they’re back to third as Mallet picks up a 10. Half-time in the voting, thank goodness. Back to Miss Muffet, who is with an increasing drunk Scooch.

2241: Could somebody escort Miss Muffet out of here? She’s now doing the Ukranian dance, and after a moan about the Baltic/Russian/Balkan bloc voting he pleads for the commercials. It’s depressing, it’s senseless, and that’s why we love Eurovision.

2246: Germany make Serbia’s lead over Ukraine 21, with Bulgaria another 12 back. Turkey take their 12, but it’s Lithuania next – surely they’ll give the dozen to the Ukraine? No, it’s only the eight, but a “shock” 12 for Georgia – their first ever in Eurovision, informs Tweedledum – leaves Serbia with nothing. The balance is promptly restored with Serbia taking 10-2 off Norway (Sweden takin g the 12) and their lead is back to 21. The Swiss also follow with 2 to Ukraine. For those who care, Russia are 15 down on the Ukraine and Bulgaria and Turkey seven and nine further back. Guess what? It’s 12 more to Serbia, whose lead is now 31. All over? Coral’s form has gone too.

2250: It’s just the eight from the Czechs to Serbia, so Ukraine claw back 4 with another douze. The crazy man announcing the Dutch vote only passes one to the Ukraine, and eight more to Serbia makes the lead 34; Turkey take the 12 there. 14 nations to go, with one of them the UK, and nil points looks increasing likely. Ireland rescue our blushes with a ridiculous 7, so Lithuania drop to bottom on 3. Lithuania immediately move out with a 12, quintupling their total, while at the top an 8-4 swing to Ukraine is cancelled out by a 3-8 vote for Malta. Malta, incredibly, give us 12, and suddenly the UK is on 19. So much for nil points!

2254: Estonia give eight to the Ukraine and twelve to Russia, but nothing heading to Serbia there are faint hopes of a comeback. Georgia give Serbia six, and bravely only seven to Russia. Ukraine take the 10, with Armenia taking their 12. 23 points is the lead now, but with Bulgaria coming next this should increase again. What on Earth is the Bulgarian woman wearing?!? Armenia climb to sixth, and Russia are safe in third. 6-3 to Serbia, and 12 points to Greece. It’s all so predictable… but with just one other Scandinavian state to vote for, who can Sweden vote for? Three to Ukraine, who are now 16 clear of Russia, and a ten to Serbia sees the lead grow to 33. The home crowd go berserk with a 12 to Finland off Sweden. Never saw that coming.

2256: The Ukraine give Serbia six, but possibly more significantly Russia ten and Belarus 12; Russia only six off second place now. Russia vote next though, and Serbia take another five. Eight to the Ukraine, and a lead of 36 at this stage is enough. Belarus take Russia’s 12 in reciprocation. It’s a race for second and fourth now, and now it’s time for Latvia to add three more to Serbia’s total. Ukraine need a 12…

2300: And of course, they get it. Lithuania also take a 10 to move above the UK and France. Iceland should be a bit more neutral, and only one point split Serbia and Ukraine on this one. The lead is still 29 as Finland take another 12 off their Scandinavian friends. Poland’s judge looks half-asleep, and with Serbia taking 8, Ukraine’s 12 eats a tiny bit more into that lead. Moldova pass five to Serbia yet just seven to Ukraine. 22 points is the deficit now, but it’s hotting up for fourth place with five countries within a douze. Nobody remembers you that far down though.

2302: Fearne Cotton looks slightly dazed, and the UK should end any doubt by giving only eight to Ukraine. But with a 12 to Turkey though, nothing to Serbia could leave this more open. Macedonia are next, and a 10 to Turkey (who are clear in fourth) is followed by 12 to Serbia really does seal it. Miss Muffet gets in on the shot as Serbia realise they’ve won. Hungary complete the formalities, and Serbia take the last 12 to win on 268 points, with Ukraine on 235 and Russia on 207, Turkey sneaking clear at the death to secure fourth. TW’s transmission is on the blink, and Serbia come to the podium to celebrate their win. Time for another Wogan rant on bloc voting, and time for me to eradicate my brain of this. Stuff. The UK did at least get points, although only beating a truly dreadful Irish entry, as politics take over again. Four minutes later, and Serbia still haven’t made the stage before they can give another rendition of their song. I still think it’s bloody awful.

2307: Where are they? They’ve disappeared off the face of the planet. Oh here they are, at last, only six hours after they won. You would have thought she’d just won a middleweight bout the way they’re celebrating, armed with “traditional Serbian cucumber” as TW puts it. “THANK YOOO EURAAAP!” she yelps, shortly before Santa comes back to present the trophy. And here comes another rendition of it. Dear oh dear.

March 12, 2007

La Partie d'Amnésie en français

And so a lot is appearing in the news about the Education Minister John deciding that all children from age 7 and above have to study a foreign language in the hope that it will leave British children less disadvantaged compared to foreign workers who are usually proficient in at least one language. Whilst we appreciate the principle and think that it could potentially be a very good idea we at the Amenisa Party hold some reservations.

First of all, if you introduce more things into the curriculum, then it means that children have more to learn. And if you have more things to learn, it means you have more things to forget. Is it thus a fear of the Amnesia Party that if you introduce more things into the curriculum you will end up with having more things to forget and children will therefore be forgetting more things.

The second concern is where this will be placed in the already hectic timetable structure. There are enough things for teachers to have to fit into the short day without having to make more time for enforced learning. We fear that eventually primary school children will be subjected to a timetable system just because so many specialist teachers are required in specialist areas, not just like language learning but also things like physical education, and this will inevitably drag the fun out of school and lead to forgotten timetables.

Indeed, we at the Amnesia Party don’t believe in textbook learning for those under the age of 11 as this is generally uninvigorating for this age group and leads to things being forgotten or worse still not even being remembered. Education at this age group should be fun, as this is the best way to motivate students, and subjecting them to an hour of textbook grammar is going to inevitably lead to apathy towards language learning, the forgetting of the grammar and worst of all complete apathy towards language learning.

Our final concern is that if you start to pack out the curriculum with more and more subjects, then you start forcing children to learn more and more. And if you’re trying to learn more stuff, you’ll inevitably end up forgetting more stuff. And this is not good, because.

Consequently we at the Amnesia Party cautiously welcome the measures being taken by the Right Honourable Lady as long as their implementation doesn’t do bad stuff to our children.

February 14, 2007

The Amenisa Party presents: Valentines Day

And so it comes to that time of year where everyone gets a bit frisky and starts spending hideous amounts of money on the commercialisation of a Saints Day. We at the Amnesia party believe that this day, known as… um… today, is a good thing for the country.

First of all, it is very difficult to forget about its existence, because in the event of one doing so you are reminded of it almost wherever you go outside, be it a message somebody else has left or the masses of billboards scattering the streets. Even inside it’s hard to escape, with it being plastered all over TV, radio, newspapers, letters, junk mail…

The key point, which is especially useful for men, is that it is a chance to right all those wrongs of the last year. Forgotten birthdays, anniversaries, parties, promises, birthdays, parties… they can easily be fixed in one chocolaty and flowery swoop. And the sudden mass dumping of a load of soggy leaves and sugar-filled fat creators causes women to forget all the misdemeanours of the past year.

Of course, it’s very difficult to forget about the existence of Valentines Day, because no matter where you are, be it in your home or out on the streets there is always something to remind you of the day, be it advertising or direct acts of love, all poking your conscience and pricking your mind. With all this irrational purchasing of romantic goods, it means more spending, and that’s always a good thing for the economy. Moreover, the economy is always pleased to see extra spending and the purchasing of all the flowers and chocolate helps.

Valentines Day builds and repairs relationships. It grows the economy. It builds and repairs relationships. That is why we at the Amnesia Party like it.

January 31, 2007

Amnesia on Casinos

Now you may or may not be aware that the Amnesia party’s head office is located in Norfolk. We were one of those who were unaware of this, and we were reminded of this fact thanks to a business card in my coat pocket.

Apparently Great Yarmouth is going to get a Large Casino. Yarmouth is a deprived area (although of what I can’t remember, it certainly isn’t teenage mothers) with high unemployment (also known as a large number of people who have forgotten how to get off their fat lazy arses and do some work) and a failing tourist industry (caused by everyone forgetting why they would want to go there). This means that in the new 1500m² building coming up, there will be fruit machines paying up to £4000 jackpots.

Clearly this will help the local economy prosper, because it provides a reason to go to Great Yarmouth and gets people out of work. Moreover, once the casino is built, it will provide about 1000-1500 jobs which will help reduce unemployment in the area. Hopefully the spending will also increase in other places where you can buy food and stuff.

Some people are concerned about the possible effect that people gamble themselves into debt. This is something that the Amnesia Party is particularly concerned about because even for those who are budgeting it is possible that you may forget that even for those who are budgeting it is possible that you may forget that even for those who are budgeting it is possible that you may forget that you have put a limit on what you are spending. As a result the Amnesia Party is going to put pressure for the casinos to ensure that there is adequate protection and help available for those who are overgambling, and this will hopefully protect and help those who are overgambling.

December 26, 2006

A New Year Message from the Amnesia Party

People of Britain,

We at the Amnesia Party hope you have had a very Merry Christmas and are looking forward forward to a prosperous New Year in 200?. It has been a long and hard year for all of us with several events changing the world’s perception of itself, for example… stuff.

We at the Amnesia Party will never stop striving for something to happen, and this year we shall throw our weight behind the Government for the introduction of ID cards as soon as possible. However, we believe that things should go one step further and that rit… rot… reticle… cretin… eye scans should be used as a more efficient form of ID. This is because it is quite difficult to forget where one has put their eyes, and it would mean that another piece of plastic which can quite easily be lost down the back of the sofa along with the passport, the loss change and the contraceptives would not be of concern. Moreover a nationwide ID system would help make it a safer place for me, for you me and for me. Moreover, we also think instead of ID cards we should introduce retinal scans so that the cards don’t get lost.

With all the best for all our followers and supporters in the Next Year,

The Amnesia Party

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