April 18, 2006

The Completely Useless Sports Guide Part 3

Table Tennis

Table Tennis is a game in which the aim is to ensure that your opponent cannot hit the small hollow ball over a net, onto a table between you and the net in a way that you are unable to reciprocate.

Each game of tabe tennis is played by teams of either one or two, with each player taking it in turns to serve twice, and the first to 11 points (provided they have a lead of 2) winning the set, and first to 4 sets winning. Of course it used to be first to 2 sets, 21 points and 4 serves, but they changed it because TV said so.

Valid tactics include hitting the ball in a way that the opponent is unable to hit it, playing a shot that doesn’t allow them to hit the ball back over the net and onto the table your side, and smacking it as hard as you can at their face. Diving around is not only impractical, but also makes you look like a complete goit.

The World Circuit consists of playing the same people in a number of different places around the world, thus giving everyone a chance to be completely ignored. The player ranked #1 is the one who least often gets hit in the face, while the World Champion is the person with the biggest trophy.

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