March 23, 2007

The Completely Useless Sports Guide #8


Athletics is another generic term covering a large variety of disciplines. It covers both “track and field”, which takes place in a specially constructed arena, and “running”, which takes place at any convenient place. There is a running element in track and field but it also involves jumping, throwing, injecting and walking and thus should not be confused with running. For those who do not have

There is little specific team element to athletics. Some running races will have a team competition which awards points according to finishing position and the lowest combined score of a team wins. Others races, known as relays, involve passing a baton, a hollow metal tube, from one runner to another. Some track and field events also have a team competition which takes place across all events and scores participants per event.

It is a well known fact that track and field attracts far bigger sponsorship at elite level than running. It is also a well known fact that running makes far more money than track and field, and consequently track and field is funded by running at all levels bar international standard. In the interests of equality, anybody is allowed to take part in running, but only beanpoles are allowed to take part in the running events of track and field. Anybody too fat to do so is instead either allowed to chuck big heavy stuff about or inject. Participants lacking legs are allowed to use a wheelchair, but can’t compete against athletes with legs.

Competitions take place between track and field clubs in a league system where every team in the league at the same goes to one club’s track once and do their events and promptly get shouted at when they don’t lose, causing more injections. Runners compete as and when they feel like and will promptly bore you to death with stories about the time where I was doing this race in….

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