The Completely Useless Sports Guide #4

Darts

Darts is a game in which the aim is to throw small shart pointy sticks at a wooden target, scoring points depending on where the stick lands. The first player to throw exactly the number of required points wins the game. Sticks must be thrown from a line drawn on the floor often by a piece of string but sometimes by a very large pen of liquid chalk, which is an absolute nightmare to get out the carpet afterwards.

Darts is generally an individual sport. During the period in which your opponent is playing darts players must consider their next three target areas, their next three drinks at the bar and their next three choices of bling. Most players set the drink as the priority, followed by the bling, and then finally the choice of target.

Alcohol plays a major part in this game, as a valid method of victory is to get your opponent so drunk he can no longer throw his sticks at the wooden board without substantial risk to the jailbait bargirl with tissue stuffed down her bra. Unfortunately the sticks may be used against neither the other player nor the annoying person who tells the entire world how inaccurate you are with your stick-throwing.

Competitions generally take place over a set number of games, which at lower levels become team competitions in either a league or cup format. In both cases they are set as close to the bar as possible to minimise dry time.

: 06 May 2006 00:48 |  Tags: Cusg Satire Sport |  Comments (0) |  Report a problem