May 18, 2005

Proper cooking in action

As much as I loved Mat’s effort, I kinda thought that I could go one better. And so I did. I proudly name this dish…

Stuff randomly chucked together for a laugh because I felt like it

You will be needing…

Vegemince and economy sweet and sour sauce. Of course, you can use real mince, or meat/meat substitute chunks, but I happened to have the remains of a packet that I wanted to use. The sauce can be pretty much anything as well, with the less flavour the better.

Pasta, peas and sweetcorn. Pasta can easily be substituted for rice, and the bags can be any form of frozen vegetable. I always buy them in bulk and it takes me the whole term to use it all up.

Potato wedges. Preferably in a small quantity, although as you can’t buy them in small quantities I suggest you eat some first.

Prawns. Yes, they were five days by use-by date. stfu already

It appears you are now ready to cook, as you have all your ingredients ready. Firstly, throw an unspecified amount of pasta and a load of random veg in a saucepan and boil the crap out of them.

Spend the next five minutes of your life burning your fingers to shreds while trying to manually light the oven. With a match. Right next to the flame. Once successful, put your wedgies on a baking tray, rebuild the oven and cook on a very high heat until they are burnt to a crisp.

While that is all going on, set up a frying pan over another hob ring, dump the mince and sauce in the pan, mix together with a rotting spoon and leave to fester over a low heat.

Also don’t forget to take the prawns you need out the fridge, otherwise they’ll be pretty damn cold. Once that’s all mutated into a new species, you need a bowl.

My bowl is quite sexy, but my spoon is pretty dull. Then you need to add each layer. Firstly, add the boiled stuff.

Then in turn add the stickly glop in the frying pan…

The burnt potatoes…

And finally the manky prawns.

Eat immediately, and pray you get food poisioning so you don’t have to take your exam on Thursday afternoon.

- 5 comments by 2 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. Hmmm. It does look quite "interesting" :s
    Good luck with the food poisoning…

    18 May 2005, 02:44

  2. It looked GREAT until you put the prawns on top!
    But i suppose they added to the crazy flavourness.

    Well done, masterchef!

    18 May 2005, 09:31

  3. (Walks to post office to deliver bomb to the Blackwell household)

    18 May 2005, 12:08

  4. Mathew Mannion

    Dear God

    18 May 2005, 13:56

  5. Warren

    Strikes me that you should have cooked the prawns in with the minced meat substitute stuff, no?

    Still, looks like one of those quality end of term "shit I've got loads of food left to eat and two days to do it in" meals. Always a good thing!

    18 May 2005, 20:48

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