All entries for Wednesday 23 November 2005

November 23, 2005

Public announcement: An apology to Emma Holt

Public announcement: An apology to Emma Holt

Dear Emma,

The last entry 'Diary of Progress' was meant to be an article of humour, but it has obviously backfired. The main issues related to our obsessions with cleaning, eating, and affection. Lauren is constantly pottering around the house with cleaning equipment, whereas Amy and Emma, on the other hand, happen to be a little less enthusiastic to the point where we let Lauren do all the work.We often stuff our faces like pigs, and it is not uncommon to discover the three of us around the kitchen table having a chat with Sainsbury's economy white chocolate close at hand. We could not survive in this world without the sweetness of chocolate! We also speak of the fact that we happen to be psychologically damaged and incapable of affection. 'Diary of progress' was simply a play on words and we our both very sorry that you have been offended. It was NOT our intention to upset you, and we hope you can accept our apology.

Take care,

Amy and Lauren


9am: Lolly: i have finally started the loo cleaning. toilet brush is in hand. bleach is ready. god, the stress.
9.14am: Amy: well done you can clean faster then a concorde taking off on the run way.
11am: Lolly: i had a break for two hours to eat a custard cream. They looked so good so i smeared them all over my body. i shall persevere with cleaning now. Sigh.
11.44am: Amy: I just had a chocolate digestive, then came to check on the progress and you had only cleaned the seat.
2pm: Lolly: i know but i can't bear it, i need to make progress but i can't, i can't, it's too much…the shit of life! thanks for the encouragement amy, have u made progress?
2.14pm: Amy:I havent made progress it's going so slow like caprice on a fishing boat. I have fixed my hair straighteners, put my face on, for my pimp daddy coming round.
3pm: Lolly: oh well done, well done. im makin progress. r u still makin progress now, i need updates every two seconds
3.44pm: Amy: goodun, well done you have a gold star, my highest form of praise, plus a big mama hug, and lots of kisses, i'll get you some chocolate to pig on. You star of royal david city show the two other girlies how the cleaning works.
5pm: Lolly: 223 germs deleted. good god! It goes on and on.
7.38pm: Amy: another trillion million germs been killed Northern bint?
7.42pm: Lolly: i met a germ called johnny and the lyrics just came home to me – "ride johnny ride" on the loo brush, away…
11.55pm: Amy: Thats my girl you ride those dirty germs away, GOLD STAR, no hugs you might smell after a long hard day of cleaning.
1am: Lolly: oh yeah im used to riding those dirty sods, the dirty fuckers in my life…HUG HUG HUG MY BABY BOO BOO HOUSE-GIRLY HUG
2AM: Lolly: HUG

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