All entries for Saturday 27 May 2006

May 27, 2006

Tips for Tom

Yesterday, I came across an interesting book called 'The Worst–Case Scenario Survival Handbook: University' and read a section of it that I thought would be very useful for Little Tom to take note of:

How to Vomit Correctly:

1. Be Prepared
Vomiting may be preceded by sweating, nausea, gagging, increased saliva, or the sensation of swelling under the tongue (or a shot of Guinness.)

2. Move Quickly
Get to a quiet bathroom or a private area with an appropriate receptacle, such as a toilet, rubbish bin, or metal bowl. If outdoors, look for a secluded area behind trees or bushes. Avoid public spaces (like cashpoints.)

3. Remove Tie or Necklace (or bow–tie.)

4. Open Collar
Unbutton your shirt at least two buttons and pull the sides apart. If you are wearing a jumper, remove it completely, if time permits. Tie back long hair (or long beards.)

5. Relax
Do not resist.

6. Target a Destination
Vomit into the receptacle (not around it). If vomiting into a toilet, grip the sides for support. (Do not aim for walls or ceilings.)

7. Wait
The first bout of vomiting may not be the last. Wait several minutes to make sure you remain in control.

8. Clean Up (yes, clean up)
Wash your hands and face, rinse out your mouth, and brush your teeth (and scrub the corridor carpet/the entire surface area of the toilet room.)

9. Return to the Party
(Or not, if you can barely stand, and will be sat swaying on a chair with eyes closed.)

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  • Apology accepted Laura. I am hanging on every drunken breath Little Tom takes from now until the end… by on this entry
  • Lol Little Tom! Point wellmade. I hang my head in shame. by Laura Jackson on this entry
  • It seems that Laura can get absolutely trashed as well, as we found out last night. I hear you were … by on this entry
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