April 15, 2005

hello mister insanity

last week a black zebra with with white stripes had a conversation with a white zebra with black stripes and a barcode at the bus stop. this was ironic as black zebra was having a conversation on that very same morning, with his room mate the cheese and beans toasty.

the cheese and beans toasty works in an orange factory, in which the oranges enter the factory and then after being processed on 38 conveyor belts in which nothing happens, on the thirty ninth conveyor belt a small sticker is placed on the orange which had a smiley face and a tick on it.

As part of his job the cheese and beans toasty is allowed to steal two oranges from the conveyor belt. this is one of the rules

Rule 17b section ii

"one is allowed to steal two oranges from the conveyor belt per day"

anyway the first orange that the cheese and beans toasty ate on that day was perfectly normal. the second one however had an image of some random prophet or god or celebrity or magician. you had to squint a bit or have cataracts but it was certainly him..

the cheese and beans toasty promptly sold the orange on ebay for 14million pounds, to some guy who had at least 14 million pounds but now has much less.

the zebra (black w/white stripes) deep in the conversation with the barcode and other zebra about the meaning of colour.

they conclude that colour is arbitry.


February 14, 2005

a tribute to Valentines day

As this wonderful day approaches its conclusion i feel it right to write a tribute to this wonderful day byt writing a sequel to one of the best known romantic plays ever written.

here we go the wonderful Romeo and Juliet 2Sound(tm)

Romeo- i still love you
Juliet- i still love you
R-hows your side of the coffin?
J- Hmm its a bit cramped
R- i believe my side is more cramped than thine
J- No no no dear For it is I with the more cramped side of the coffin
R- would thy like to trade?
J- to witness thee in an even more cramped side of the coffin would break my heart
R- your heart rotted away weeks ago
J- i meant metaphorically, Dear
R- indeed, hey would you like to play eye spy? by the way did i say i still love you?
J- yes you did, dear, and I still love you… but i donot want to play eye spy.. it is too dark in here
R-good point dear. Hey it was nice of them to put us near each other after we topped ourselves, right we get to spend an eternity together.
J- the joy…
R- i sense you are not pleased with spending an eternity with me..
J – yeah well.. it was fun when it was all that "my only love sprung out of my only hate" stuff.. but now its a bit.. you know.. meh..
R-oh you break my heart..
J-m..
R- yes metaphorically dear.. i still love you, you know..
J- yeah.. whatever.. you know i suddenly feel like killing myself again..
R- aww poo.

*


December 02, 2004

I hate goddamn mysteries

Follow-up to Soul Nation and all that. from kunals blog

HEY who are you V? you are obviously a different v to the one i am reffering to cos the one i am referring to doesnt know that they are v and yet you clearly are referring to yourself as v. thus i must conclude either who i know is more clever than i thought. or you are weaving a very intricate mystery… i sooo hope its the second one.

and v@hotmail.com aint gonna be a real email address now is it???

hmm

well i know who it probably isnt, because of certain clues i have…. but Gahhh i hate mysteries (unless they involve cartoon rabbits, or are written by elmore leonard.. out of sights great isnt it…and Rum PUnch(later turned into jackie brown by leg QT) )

so to re iterate

YOU are screwing with my mind… and to be frank its all i really got at the moment…

thankyou kindly

your host

Mr Kunal


November 27, 2004

Soul Nation and all that.

Yello!

I have just come back from a truly most excellent Soul Nation (drop it like its hot….) Dancing away like some crazed alcoholized lunatic (cos thats what i was) having an absolutely mo-fo-ing great time. You dig, dear reader?

Just wanted to give a few Shout outs to those that came and made it bloody brilliant- in no particular order (apart from who comes into my head first)

Bhav- the man the legend, possib-lie the nicest guy ever.. and almost probably the biggest soul nation fan ever. period.

Jogia-San, and Riks- Kick ass bros makin their way down from Lie-Sest-ER – Jogua also stayed sober(ish) makin sure everyone was okay

Karen- Quality chick, nice person, stares off into space at random intervals- but i think shes okay.(it was also her birthday Soul nation- with cake!- more below) [also laughs at some of my jokes which is always positive]

Ying- Super Duper Cake Maker Extrodinaire-made Karens Birthday cake, with help from ohter chaps who i cant remeber- kinda nutty which is always a bonus and also super nice host, with cheese and beans toasties (with some help from Jogia-San)

CJ- Hehe, cos she remembered my name.

Ricky- Nice Dude- said i look like Halifax guy, which led to Ying (and everyone else) to sinfg"WHo giives you extra" all night. Thank you kindly Sir(!)

Alice- for speaking to me at 7 in the morning, when she probably just wanted to go back to bed. (i was awake, cos i couldnt sleep, and i happend to be reading a WHSmith catalogue on the staircase, when Alice woke up to get some water)

AND there are probably a ton more people Who added to a great night.

I got wasted, didnt think about V. once, Was Tons happier, and realise that the past was a total fuck up, So heres to the present and future Daddi-o!

DOLPHINS RULE!!! they have magic powers and ive seem them in real life (not a show- but in a natural habitat) in wales of all places!

;-)

Kunal


lovefool

"playin me like a fuckin kitty-cat toy aint gonna work any more sugarpie, im here for me and those who give a shit.. othewise ill just have to say Sayonara hunny bunny

November 18, 2004

hitting a performance wall

i am working at four bloody am in the morning and i hit the magical performance wall.

the wall says
"fuck off you idiot you hit me, the magical performance wall, cos you dont know shit"

to which i reply
"you are correct i 'dont know shit' but i disagree with your tone"
to which he replies

"hmm, maybe you are right-maybe thats why no-one sends me any christmas cards"

to which i follow up with the witty retort
"wait a minute you dont get christmas cards cos walls dont celebrate christmas"

to which he snaps back at me
" dont discriminate against christian walls"

then i reply humbly
"hmm sorry about that. that must depress you around christmas time"

"yes it does"

"maybe thats why you are so grumpy"

"no thats not it, its cos i lost my pet snail the other day"

"Snails are evil, i wrote this blog about it once-explained it an everything"

"i didnt read it"

"aah dont feel guilty, you dont even have a computer"

"i dont feel guilty im merely stating a fact"

"oh.. well.. hmm.. i think ill be off then"

"wait you havent even seen my party trick"

"whats that"

"ill show you"

the wall then proceded to burn me to a crisp using his firey breath of doom. but put me out in time using a bottle of vimto mixed with diet coke. this meant i wast cooked and sweet tasting- much like a honey roasted peanut. i shall never mock a honey roasted peanut ever again.

k


November 16, 2004

choose a university

Choose a university, Choose Warwick, Choose not wanting to cook in the first year, Choose Westwood.
Choose doing Physics ahead of Psychology, Choose to regret it most of the time. Choose great friends, Choose to realise that with humour, anything is possible.
Choose nice but dull house mates and get bored. Choose to live in Sydenham,Choose to regret it being 40 minutes walk from Sugar.Choose to have my heart broken after Soul Nation in second term of second year.
Choose half price poster sale, Choose a poster to rip off, Choose life. Choose a university
Chose Warwick.

November 14, 2004

the adventure of pablo

Pablo is your every day general working class kinda guy approaching middle age and lives in australia. likes the obvious things in life going to a bar ( in this case called the Leaky Tree) with his friends Chaz, Bob and Alan. He also wants to get laid before he dies. And hates films such as Arachnophobia. Pablo also happens to be a black widow spider. {in a curious aside IS a male BWspider called a Black widow spider??}

In the Leaky Tree one night are Chaz, Bob and Pablo over a pint of ant-juice just having a general conversation

Bob: Hey has anyone seen Al' recently? i knew he was going out with that Gina chick but i havent seen him since last tuesday

Chaz: yeah i aint seen him either, maybe She doesnt let him go to the bar with us any more- shame.

Pablo- wait a minute he was going out with her for weeks before he stopped coming, i remember clearly last week he was boasting about how he thought he was gonna be "In There" last tuesday night.

B: good point, thats interesting, because a mate of mine-goes to a different bar- also mysteriously disappeared the night he met this chick at the bar.

P:hmm i have a date tonight with the lovely Sarah, do you reckon i should cancel?

C: SARAH?!? Man no way should you cancel SHes SOOOO hot.

B: be careful though there seems to be a bit of a plague of these Psycho Hunnies around at the moment.

P: possibly – sarah seems nice though, i dont think she'd do that….


October 30, 2004

Pulp fiction

is the greatest film ever. only beating Amelie cos i only know GCSE french and even then all i remember is "je suis en retard" cos its kinda funny. back to Amelie not being the best film, its just not as quotable due to my crap french, wheneas any time i think

"dont fucking jimmy me jules"
or
"everybody be cool this is a robbery"
i just smile.

thats why the ' fiction is my favourite film
smilings good so watch pulp fiction its great, also watch amelie as well
i makes me happy.

k


honesty: a policy

At this moment i am sitting at my computer (not necessarily as you, dear reader, are reading it but while i am writing it)

Anyway i have arrived back from soul nation, a very tiring but fun soul nation ( with the 411 absolutly storming the place with their mime routine to music) and much alcohol was consumed. no doubt my liver will not love me for the next week or so. Back to the point Alcohol makes one quite honest and thus this is gonna be stupidly honest for something that the world is able to see. (although itll probably make no sense but to a few of thee)

One time i met this person, this person made me feel like the most amazingesr person in the whole world, now the crazee thing is that this certain person didnt have a clue. thus i stumble through life quite miserably in general.

whenever i drink, i always think of this person now i wonder wheter i think of this person cos it makes me happy or whether its cos frankly the comedown of a great night is simply a trigger for miserable thoughts. Wowee i think it might just sneak into the latter.

The other thing is im spilling my guts into the virtual realm which may seem rather stupid, even if aformentioned person reads it. the point is its not too awfull in a kinda funky way its really cathartic being able to get all this shit out, n not bottling it up causing indigestion.

moral of this is this. blog + alcohol = honesty
honesty not necessarily the best policy

k


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