Here is the dialogue we had to do for ICW prose section. I couldn't think of a good secret so I feel it is weak, though I do like writing dialogue. Characters are fun to create and diologue helps to make the character. Oh and I forgot to do single quotes, but I'm from California and double quotes are normal there. :O
Dim orange light of the afternoon sun pierced the windows and spread out across the hard tile floor. Rows of tan orange lockers, similar to the colour of apricots but not at all appetizing, lined the almost deserted hall of the school building. It was almost empty for there were two girls of about seventeen standing in the hall, talking. One was tall and thin, like a giraffe for she had that awkwardness about her too such as when the giraffe has to spread its legs tripod-like to be able to lower its head enough for a drink. She was always slouching as if embarrassed by her height and wanting to be smaller, to slip away into the shadows such as the long, gray ones created by the lockers that were partly shading her, making her shoulder-length, straw coloured hair seem dark brown and her hazel eyes gray. The other girl was short and stocky in comparison, yet petite would be a better word for she was not overweight, just small and so the pounds showed more readily. Her long, brown hair that frizzled down to her waist was her most notable feature, yet to look at her face the thick eyebrows she couldn’t be bothered to pluck, glasses, freckles and rather large nose stuck out as well.
It was she who was speaking. “So, how did you do on last Friday’s Spanish test?”
“Eh, it was ok,” the other said, unenthusiastically, shrugging a little. “I passed at least.”
“That’s good,” the shorter girl replied with a smile. “I did horrible,” she slashed the air with her hand. “Our teacher is a grammar Nazi,” the girl’s hands spread palms up shaking at the ceiling, “she doesn’t care about ideas at all, just do you have subject adjective, verb, whatever, agreement,” she shook her head. “So annoying.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“I wish I had a better teacher. Mrs. Lackso is sooo frustrating.” The girl bent her hands like claws. “Something should be done about her.”
“Done about her?” the taller girl said quietly. “Like what?”
“I mean like make her retire or something.”
“Oh,” the taller girl let out a nervous chuckle, “that.”
“I’ll have to ask my cousin for help if this keeps up.”
“Help? Isn’t that going a bit far?” she raised her eyebrows.
“Well, my cousin is studying Spanish at university so she should be able to help me.”
“She’s a university student,” she said surprised.
“Yeah, what did you think I was going to say?”
“But now you have me curious, Michelle.” She bounced on the balls of her feet a bit, “Tell me.”
“I’d rather not.”
“Come on. Now I want to know.”
The girl was silent for a moment. “I just only ever saw your cousin Rocco.”
“Oh, him? He’s no good at Spanish,” she waved her hand dismissively. “He’d be better at wrestling a bear than saying oso.”
Michelle glanced at the milti-coloured floor and then the lockers. She shifted her weight to the other foot. The silence filled the corridor.
“So, what are you doing this weekend?” the shorter girl asked.
“Nothing much,” Michelle replied. “Maybe we could get together.”
“Yeah, you should come over to my house.”
“Oh, um, wouldn’t it be easier for you to come to mine?” Michelle looked at the shorter girl eagerly. She’d heard, uh, things about the other girl’s family.
“It’s no problem for you to come to my house,” the dark haired girl told her. “We’re having a family dinner.” She smiled. “So there will be great food, like spaghetti and ravioli and rizzoto,” the girl closed her eyes as if imagining all the delicious things to eat, “so good.” She nodded her head in satisfaction. “We Lipari’s know how to cook.”
“Ah.” Michelle nodded and then asked, “What sort of name is that?” just make sure.
“It’s Italian. Lipari Island is just off of
“Heh, interesting.” Michelle gave a half smile. There was small silence.
“So, can you come?”
“Well, actually,” Michelle glanced sideways nervously, “I have a lot to do this weekend. You know Mrs. Lackso assigned us that paragraph to write in Spanish and then I have physics homework and I really should practice my sax,” she tried to look like she was sorry, giving a fake grimace. “And my mom wanted me to clean my room and I have to watch my little sister I think when my mom has her breakfast date with a friend.” The words sped out.
“Oh,” the long haired girl shrugged. “I understand. You’re busy.”
“Ok. Well, I guess I’ll see you Monday then.” The girl put her hand up in a half wave and turned to start walking down the hall.
“Right.” Michelle turned towards the door and pushing it open let out a sigh as relief washed over her like the cool air of the late afternoon.
i liked your piece. in less than two pages, you’ve already established two very believable characters. its always great to read stuff about awkward teenagers. so i guess i enjoyed this because you really got the basics right—a story, and some good characters.
22 Oct 2007, 16:53
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