All entries for Saturday 27 May 2006
May 27, 2006
I feel strangely melancholy at the moment. Like I may be getting late–onset baby blues perhaps (which would serve me right for being happy about how well I thought I was coping 11 weeks into motherhood lark). Or maybe it has more to do with the fact that it's the 5th night this week that I've been home alone with the boy whilst the older boy (who likes to think of himself as a man, but lets face it, having a husband is akin to having a child to look after) is out.
Last night I rang just about everyone who I could think of an excuse to ring, desperate for some adult conversation. Needless to say, most of the people I know have more of a social life than I do these days. My mother is a classic example – she calls in between this and that and is rarely on the phone more than 10 minutes before making her excuses and scurrying off to do more interesting things. Even one of my best friends makes (increasingly pathetic) excuses not to see me – this evening it was "I really need to tidy my room." (What are you? 12?) Other excuses from her include "I have to change my bed" (And that takes all evening?) and "I have to get up at 7 tomorrow morning" (Oh, that's at least 2 more hours' sleep than I'll be getting then). Since the new arrival, most of my friends have kept their distance.
OK, so I just need to get over it and make more friends, but it's proving harder than I'd imagined. Mother & baby groups in my experience are horribly cliquey and most of my friends who are in similar situations live back in Surrey. A recent glance at rightmove.co.uk confirmed my suspicions that moving back down South isn't remotely feasible – selling our 3 bedroom house here would get us a studio flat in my home town… Sigh
Still, at least there are several things to be thankful for:
1. I'm getting more sleep than I was 6 weeks ago
2. I can fit back into just about all of my pre–pregnancy clothes now
3. It's a bank holiday weekend (though for me that means another day of exactly the same, but with the 'other child' at home, playing on the computer and thereby eliminating one of my means of passing the time)
4. My mum's coming to visit on Tuesday (I must be getting old if I'm looking forward to it… lol!)
5. My sister is still alive (I get a weird sense of relief when I ring and she answers the phone after a few months of being awol)
6. I don't have black death
Hmmm. Did I get out the wrong side of bed this morning? Hopefully my next entry will be cheerier.